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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 19, 2013's comic on:

Tags #paying bills, #trees, #off site document, #storage costs, #out of control, #core bsuiness, #trees are jerks, #money

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Boss: Our off-site document storage costs are growing out of control. At this rate, our core business can be summarized as "put trees in jail." This is when you say something wise and helpful. CEO: Trees are jerks.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 30, 2011's comic on:

Tags #exercise & fitness, #office workers, #using company gym, #60 hrs week, #paying for itself

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Boss: Ted, I can't give you a raise because you've been using the company gym during work hours. Ted: I work sixty hours a week! Why did we build a new gym if I'm not supped to use it?? Boss: You were right. That gym is totally paying for itself.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 22, 2011's comic on:

Tags #embarrassed of son, #Family, #food service industry, #insult, #locksmith, #mother, #named project manger, #paying for lunch, #restaurants, #sons occupation, #don't tell freinds

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Mom, the good news I wanted to tell you is that my boss named me project manager. Mom: Please keep that to yourself. I tell my friends you're a locksmith. Dilbert: You're paying for your own lunch. Waiter: I'm Ed. I'll be your project manager.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 07, 1991's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #entrepreneur, #Wally, #Adventure, #challenge, #stops, #paying, #quit

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Dilbert and Wally stand in the hallway holding coffee cups. Wally says, "I'm thinking of quitting and becoming an entrepreneur." Wally continues, "I want to experience life on the edge, full of risk and challenge and adventure!" Dilbert says, "The company stops paying you if you quit." Wally responds, "Oh, then never mind."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 02, 1992's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #canine, #tax, #rebate, #bill, #passed, #congress, #bills, #author, #Dogbert, #kicking, #liberal, #ethical

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Dilbert sit in his chair watching television. A newscaster says, "The Canine Tax Rebate bill was passed by Congress today." The reporter continues, "The bill's author, Mister Dogbert, successfully pinned the label 'Dog Kicking Liberal on all who opposed him." Dilbert asks Dogbert, "Was that ethical?" Dogbert replies as he writes on a pad of paper, "Tha-a-at's it. You're on the list."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 22, 1992's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #bills', #big, #egg-shaped, #men's fashion, #clothes, #statement, #sweater, #brown

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Dilbert walks into "Bill's Big 'N' Egg-Shaped Men's Fashions." A sign in the window says, "Specializing in the ovoid man." Dilbert says to the salesclerk, "I want to some clothes that make a statement." The clerk responds, "All our clothes make a statement." The salesperson hands Dilbert a sweater and says, "This sweater says 'Help me, help me, I look like a big egg!'" Dilbert asks, "Does it come in brown?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 18, 1994's comic on:

Tags #fired, #outplacement agency, #own cubicle, #photocopies, #food stamps, #dollar bills

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The Boss: "You're fired, Wally. But since we care, we've contracted an outplacement agency to help you." The Boss: "You'll get your own cubicle. And you can make all the photocopies you want!" Wally: "What would I want to photocopy?" The Boss: "Food stamps, dollar bills, that sort of thing."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 08, 1994's comic on:

Tags #telecommute, #high paying, #goals, #measured, #stay home, #mail checks, #direct deposit

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"I'd like a job where I can telecommute every day." "It should be high-paying yet have goals which can't be measured." "So, you'd stay home and we'd mail you checks?" "I was hoping for direct deposit."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 16, 1995's comic on:

Tags #paper burning stove, #lower heating bills, #useless documents, #love your work, #warm feeling

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Dilbert installs a stove while Dogbert watches. Dilbert says, "I'm installing a paper-burning stove to lower our heating bills." Dilbert says, "I'll fuel it with all the useless documents I get at work." At the office, the Boss sees Dilbert carrying a stack of papers and asks, "I've been noticing how much stuff you take home. You must love your work." Dilbert replies, "It gives me a warm feeling."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 14, 1991's comic on:

Tags #Dogbert, #dollars, #inventing, #secret, #better, #classify, #send, #space, #stuff, #kill, #smoking, #drugs, #open-minded

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The strip is titled, "Dogbert's guide to your tax dollars." A vacuum cleaner sucks up dollar bills. Dogbert says, "Did you ever wonder how all that tax money gets spent? Roll the tape." The caption says, "Inventing secret things." Two scientists look at a device. One of them says, "It doesn't look like much, but it'll smart like crazy if you sit on it." The caption says, "Sending secret things into space." The other scientist says, "Maybe we'd better classify it secret and send it into space with the other stuff." The caption says, "Education." A teacher says, "Sex will kill you, food will kill you, smoking will kill you, alcohol will kill you, drugs will kill you . . ." The children sitting at their school desks look frightened. The caption says, "Art grants for things you aren't open-minded enough to appreciate." Dilbert looks at a shoe sitting on a pedestal. The artist says, "I call it 'The Bug I Hated.'" The caption says, "Advanced health care." Two doctors stand next to a bed where a skeleton lies. One physician says, "You were right, Benson. X-rays and microwaves are not the same thing." The caption says, "Paying Congress." A senator says, "Our raises came through!" Another says, "I think I'll send myself a thank-you note!"