Payroll Computer Comic Strips

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648 Results for Payroll Computer

View 1 - 10 results for payroll computer comic strips. Discover the best "Payroll Computer" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #payroll computer, #gie raise, #Dogbert, #not ethical, #five percent raise, #quality of work

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Dogbert stands at Dilbert's desk working on the computer and Dilbert sits next to him. Dilbert says, "It isn't ethical to hack into the payroll computer and give me a raise, Dogbert." Dogbert replies, "Not ethical?? Is it ethical for them to make you work seventy hours a week and only pay you for forty??!!" Dilbert asks, "How about a five percent raise?" Dogbert replies, "Well, there is the issue of the quality of your work . . ."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #lunch money, #data, #diskettes, #school, #bully, #aging

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A large man enters Dilbert's cubicle and says, "Yo, Dilbert, give me your lunch money or I'll erase your data diskettes." Dilbert replies, "Touch my data and I'll erase any mention of you from the main payroll computer." Beads of sweat flies from the man's head and he says, "No . . . Please, I'm sorry." Dilbert turns toward the reader and says, "Nothing is more pathetic than an aging school bully." The man says, "I took shop; I can make you some nice bookends."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #accounting system, #dysfunctional, #meaningless, #payroll exppenses, #zero, #management genius

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Asok and Ed are sitting at a computer. Ed looks irritated. Asok says, "Your accounting system is so dysfunctional that the results are meaningless." Asok continues, "How is it possible that no one has noticed?" Ed replies, "I've always wondered about that." The Boss is sitting at his desk. He thinks to himself, "My payroll expenses are zero again. I'm a management genius."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anger, #emailed payroll, #pay discrepncy, #punches screen, #quiet, #secret, #smashes computer, #report

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The Boss: Carol, I e-mailed you the department payroll report to reformat. Don't let anyone see it because they might... BAM! Exactly. They might do that.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #big business, #secondhand sales, #tablet computer, #business, #design logo, #pay another company, #other companies, #watch, #engineers, #degrade, #low morale

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Boss: We're going into the tablet computer business. And by that I mean other companies will make the product and we'll design the logo. And by that I mean we'll pay another company to design the logo for us. Alice: Can we watch?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hats, #inventions, #brainwave reader, #nearest computer thoughts, #blurry image, #video, #beta version, #video quality

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Dilbert: My brainwave reader invention can control the nearest computer with my thoughts. Boss: Why am I seeing a video of a blurry image that looks like you slapping another blurry thing that looks like me? Dilbert: I don't think it's fair to complain about the video quality of the beta version.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computer, #control computer, #invention, #inventions, #mind, #mobile (cell) phones, #phone, #power, #brain reader, #technology

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Dilbert: My brain reader invention allows me to control any nearby computer. Co-worker: That's nothing! My phone can... Dilbert: I did that with my mind. Co-worker: That's nothing! I made you do it!

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #gadgets, #sales personnel, #tablet computer, #prototype, #indestuctable, #crash

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CEO: Our tablet computer is indestructible. Watch this... Man: Our company is next. Find the prototype. CEO: Oops. Was that yours?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #inventions, #quantum computer, #prototype, #success, #in between state

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Boss: How's your quantum computer prototype coming along? Wally: Great! The project exists in a simultaneous state of being both totally successful and not even started. Boss: Can I observe it? Wally: That's a tricky question.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computer, #park, #chemicals, #create, #issues, #technology

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Dilbert sits at his desk and says, "Wow! According to my computer simulation, it should be possible to create new life forms from common household chemicals!" Dogbert says, "This raises some thorny issues." Dilbert asks, "You mean legal, ethical and religious issues?" Dogbert replies, "I was thinking about parking spaces."