People Told What To Do Comic Strips

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View 1 - 10 results for people told what to do comic strips. Discover the best "People Told What To Do" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags theory testing, Dogbert, people told what to do, quit job, build pyramid, dolt, honesty doesn't mix

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Dilbert sitting on couch while holding "TECH" magazine. Dogbert stands on arm of couch and thinks, "I will now test my theory that people like to be told what to do." Dogbert yells, "QUIT YOUR JOB AND BUILD ME A PYRAMID, YOU HOMELY DOLT!!!" Dilbert responds, "I liked it until the dolt part." Dogbert says, "I've noticed that honesty doesn't mix well with anything."

Dilbert Characters

Dating A Unicorn

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Dating A Unicorn - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, dating, office, office workers, unicorn

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ted: i hear you're dating a unicorn. dilbert: that is absurd and untrue. ted: then how do you explain the fact that five people told me it was true? ted: i mean, you'd have to believe all five of them are idiots. dilbert: including you, it's six.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags stress free, unrealistic beliefs, people care, stapler, steal, coworkers, budget numbers, lying, briefcase, coffe cup

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Asok: Wally how can you be so stress free? Wally: Its quite simple. Stress is caused by an unrealistic belief that people care about you, I, on the other hand expect pope to be like me. Lets visit ted and I'll show you how this works. Ted, do you have the budget numbers that you promised me? Thats next on my to-do lit. While he was lying to me, I told his stapler, so I came out a head. He forgot his mug, Im going to sip that puppy into my briefcase.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags executives, acting ceo, back slapping, firing people, slaps off roof, abuse of power, sacrifice

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Acting CEO Boss: No one told me what I'm supposed to do in this job. Catbert: 80% of the job is back-slapping and firing people. Boss: Good job, Ted. But not good enough.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Advice, friendship, remember, memory, dressed as clown, funerals, told everyone, keep things light, relationships

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Dilbert: Experts say I can improve my likeability by showing that I remember things that people have told me. For example, there was the time you said you always go to funerals dressed as a clown to keep things light. Ted: I never said that! Dilbert: Are you sure? I told everyone you did.

Tall People Earn More

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Tall People Earn More - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags anger, discrimination, fairness, height, money, salary, wages, Women, tall people, short people, performance reviews, height accordingly, female workers

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CEO: Studies show that tall people earn more than shorter people. So instead of doing performance reviews this year, we'll just measure your height and pay accordingly. And, of course, Alice will earn ten percent less than the men. I think that's a law.

The Problem Is People

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The Problem Is People - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags failure, human factor, human error, people, misanthrope, misanthropic, teamwork

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Dilbert: I finished the post-mortem on our failed project. Boss: What was the problem. Dilbert: People. Boss: The wrong ones? Dilbert: Don't overthink it.

People Are Terrible

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People Are Terrible - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags hate, human error, interpersonal, introvert, misanthropy, people, antisocial

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Boss: What's the biggest risk with your plan? Dilbert: It's people. They're terrible once you get to know them. Boss: Then don't get to know them. Dilbert: I tried that with you and it didn't work.

Anger Issues

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Anger Issues - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags anger issues, listen to crazy people, mental problems, work weekend, crazy people

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The Boss: Im worried that all of my employees might have mental problems. The Boss: They exhibited anger issues when I told them to work all weekend for no extra pay. CatBert: Did they say you're the cause off their mental problems? The Boss: I dont listen to crazy people.

Ceo Is Like Normal People

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Ceo Is Like Normal People - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, business, office environment, cubicle, work, normal, people, respect, stupid

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ceo: even though i am you ceo, i work out of a cubicle just like normal people. you probably respect that. alice: no, it sounds stupid. ceo: then why am i torturing myself in that putrid cubicle? alice: see prior answer.