Percentage Increase Comic Strips
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Thanks to marketing. Sales have increased 100%! Dilbert: Question: are you asking a room full of engineers to be excited about a big percentage increase over a trivial base?" Ted You leave me no choice but to give you the stink eye. Dilbert: Ow! Ow! Make it stop!"
Dogbert sits on the hassock watching television. A newscaster says, "The budget for education was cut ten million dollars." Dogbert thinks, "Is that a big percentage? Does it make any difference?" The reporter says, "Congress considered a music safety law after studies showed a ten percent increase in piano-related deaths." Dogbert wonders, "How does that compare to other health risks? Should I be concerned?" The newscaster continues, "Lawmakers debated a bill to lower capital gains tax rates . . ." Dogbert thinks, "What do most economists think? Would it stimulate the economy much? Should I care?" The newscaster continues, "A new poll show that many voters have strong opinions on these issues despite the fact that we provide no useful contextual data." Dogbert walks away with his ears standing up. He thinks, "I've got to stop watching scary shows right before bedtime."
CEO: employees keep whining that we don't have a clear direction. So Ive doubled the number of managers one each group to increase the clarity. The Boss: I thought we were doubling the direction. No, we're doubling the clarity.
CEO: Our strategy is to increase market share. Dilbert: I'm confused. I spent all last year trying to decrease our market share. Was that effort wasted? Don't worry. Wally told me he has a good sense of humor. Wally: I'm not reliable.
Boss: We need creative ideas for our next product. But not from you. Your ideas are awful. And don't suggest something that is already being done. That just puts your ignorance on public display. I don't want to hear any ideas that cost money or increase risk. As usual, I'll evaluate each idea by repeating it slowly while I look at your with disdain. If you come up with a good idea, I'll let you take on the project in addition to your existing work. Who wants to go first? How did I hire so many people who have no ideas? Catbert: Probably bad luck.
In a dream, Dilbert flies through the sky. He thinks, "In my dream I float over fields of heather." Below him a girl waves and says, "Hi! I'm Heather." Dilbert thinks, "The flying dream always predicts an important change. I feel that my freedom will soon increase." Dilbert wakes up in a meeting as the Boss asks, "Does somebody else have a question for our new CEO?" Dilbert's arms are out-streched and his finger is stuck in the CEO's ear. Dilbert thinks, "My finger is stuck."
Wally stands in front of the Boss's desk. Wally demands, "You've got to increase the budget for training!" The Boss responds, "If I train you, then wouldn't you just leave the company to make more money working for our competitor?" Wally says, "I guess there is a downside." The Boss asks, "And the downside would be . . . ?"
A woman walks by Wally's cubicle and thinks, "I wonder if I'm wearing enough fragrance." Clouds of odor surround her body. Inside his cubicle, Wally whips his head around to look at her. Wally is overcome by the odor and falls over in his chair screaming, "AIEEEEE!!" As she leaves a trail of unconscious employees behind her, the woman thinks, "I'd better increase the dosage until I hear some compliments."
The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "If we are to succeed, you must become change masters in an ever-changing, change-adaptive environment." Wally says, "Let me get this straight . . . Every change seems to increase our workload while decreasing our job security and real earnings after inflation . . ." Wally asks, "And the problem is OUR lack of flexibility?" The Boss replies, "Not entirely. There's also your bad morale."
Dilbert, Alice, Wally and the Boss sit at a conference table. Alice says, "Our consultant suggested putting attractive women in our booth at the trade show." Alice continues, "I rejected that idea. It is sexist and demeaning. I have a better idea to increase traffic to our booth." Dilbert asks, "What's the dental floss for?" Alice replies, "It's your thong bikini. You'll stand in front of our competitor's booth."