Performance Becomes Average Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

226 Results for Performance Becomes Average

View 1 - 10 results for performance becomes average comic strips. Discover the best "Performance Becomes Average" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 05, 2004's comic on:

Tags #job application, #increase workload, #performance becomes average, #excel

View Transcript

Transcript

Job Applicant "How do you reward your top performers?" "I keep increasing their work loads until their performances become average." "So, why would anyone try to excel?" "I use only the finest motivational posters."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 27, 2014's comic on:

Tags #competition (psychology), #wages, #big data, #top perfromers, #higher pay, #average performance, #average people say, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Our big data analysis tells us that only the top performers leave for higher pay. Since you're still here, it means your performance is average at best. Dilbert: That's not fair! Catbert: That's what all the average people say.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 17, 2001's comic on:

Tags #evil hr director, #average performance, #group to high, #lower ratings, #actual perfromance, #affect erfromance

View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: Catbert: Evil H.R. Director. Catbert is standing on The Boss' desk. Catbert reports, "The average performance evaluation for your group is too high." The Boss asks, "Do you want me to lower their ratings or their actual performance?" Catbert responds, "Whatever." Dilbert is sitting at his computer. The Boss is standing behind him with one arm reached out towards the back of Dilbert's head. Dilbert says, "This is starting to affect my performance." The Boss replies, "Why? I'm not touching you."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 24, 2004's comic on:

Tags #have plan, #division perfromance, #worst division, #average performance, #merge

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss: I have a plan to avoid paying division performance bonuses. I'll merge our group with the worst division so our average performance is lower. her- hee! I should be eay because every division manager is already begging to merge with me.

It's Easier If We Don't Try To Link Performance And Outcomes

Thank you for voting.
It's Easier If We Don't Try To Link Performance And Outcomes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 14, 2015's comic on:

Tags #performance, #reward, #consequences, #consequence, #result, #outcome, #logic, #reasoning, #laziness, #work ethic

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: So don't let that happen again. Dilbert: It wasn't my fault and you know it. Boss: It's easier if we don't try to link performance and outcomes. Dilbert: I'll try. It was hard at first, but now I'm totally stress-free. Wally: I just got a 30% raise.

Dilbert Characters

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 08, 2016's comic on:

Tags #logic, #false logic, #imagination, #managers, #review, #performance

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I can't give you a raise because your performance was only average. Dilbert: How can you calculate an average for my performance? No one has ever been in my exact situation. Boss: I compared you to other employees. Dilbert: You compared me to strangers doing entirely different things? Boss: No, I compared you to imaginary people doing your exact job. It's called managing, and I'm very good at it. Dilbert: How do you know you're good at it? Boss: Because imaginary people do this job worse than I do.

Below Average

Thank you for voting.
Below Average - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 09, 2019's comic on:

Tags #boss, #engineering, #jobs, #math, #sarcasm, #review

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Your job performance is below average. Dilbert: How did you calculate an average for a job that no one else has ever performed? Boss: Math?

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 10, 2011's comic on:

Tags #anxiety, #stress, #meltdown cubicle, #theoretical workload limit, #brains full, #becomes overdue, #projects overdue, #tasks, #urgent, #funny noise, #missed dead line

View Transcript

Transcript

Voice: Meltdown in cubicle 459540! Dilbert: That's Te. He must have reached his T.W.L. Asok: His what? Dilbert: Theoretical workload limit. In layman's terms, his brain is full. It starts when just one of your projects becomes overdue. You end up spending all of your time explaining why you didn't get it done. That makes all of your other projects overdue. When ever task become urgent, your brain can't decide what to do next. Brains make a funny noise when they shut down. Noise: Poink. Asok: Uh-oh. I just missed a deadline. Wally: And so it begins.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 08, 2011's comic on:

Tags #business ethics, #suspicion, #features for product, #overstaffed, #spare time, #job description, #healthy raise, #highest performance rating

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: In my spare time I created some awesome new features for our product. Boss: GAAA!!! Shut the door! Dilbert: What?!! Boss: You fool! If my boss finds out you have spare time, he'll think we're overstaffed! You can never speak of these awesome new features again. Dilbert: I'm confused. You told me I need to go above and beyond my job description to get the highest performance rating. Boss: That's just something I say to keep you from getting a healthy raise. Dilbert: So... I lose no matter what I do? Boss: For what it's worth, you're doing better than our customers.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 11, 2011's comic on:

Tags #employees, #unemployed, #job performance, #fire someone, #cubicle, #fired, #wake up call, #greatness, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Dilbert, your job performance is terrific. Dilbert: GAAA!!! That's code for "I'm going to fire someone else and make you do two jobs." Boss: Yes, but it's still better to be you than the guy I'm going to fire. Dilbert: We don't know that! This might be the wake-up call that spurs him on to greatness while I work myself to death in this cubicle. Boss: There's no way to please some people. Ted, you're fired. Ted: YES!