Search Results for "perfromance evaluation"
Share July 10, 2000's comic on:
The Boss says to Dilbert, "Write a performance evaluation for yourself." The Boss continues, "Shoot for about 3% raise...because that's what you're getting." Dilbert's computer states, "Dilbert's inventions will earn a billion dollars. But we think he steals almost as much."
Share April 30, 2002's comic on:
The Boss says to Alice, "Alice, write a performance evaluation of yourself for me to sign." Alice replies, "What will our seven layers of management be doing while I manage myself?? Alice continues, "Sorry. I'll ding myself for that on my evaluation." The Boss says, "If you can't find me, have Carol sign my name."
Share July 25, 1992's comic on:
Dogbert says to a woman walking on the sidewalk, "Excuse me, would you like to take advantage of our 'Model Evaluation Service?' Only ten dollars." The woman says, "Me? Gosh, I've never thought of myself that way. Yes, I would love to be evaluated." Dogbert says, "You're hideous . . . That's ten dollars." The woman looks angry.
Share March 02, 1993's comic on:
The Boss says to Dilbert, Wally and Alice, "From now on, your raises will be partly dependent on an evaluation by your co-workers." Wally asks, "Hypothetically, if my co-workers got small raises then wouldn't there be more available in the budget for me?" Wally, Alice and Dilbert fall to the ground and fight. The Boss says, "That didn't last long, even by our standards."
Share December 05, 1996's comic on:
The Grim Reaper approaches Ratbert and says, "Pssst!" The Grim Reaper says, "I'm the Grim Downsizer. Trainers are the first to go. I'll just hang around here until the next budget cuts." Ratbert looks scared. The Angel of Death asks, "Do you mind if I sit in on your stress-reduction class?" Ratbert says, "I don't think I'll read the class evaluation forms from this one."
Share April 03, 1994's comic on:
The Boss: Your performance this year was 'fair'. But I'll raise your appraisal to "excellent" if you'll eat a bug. Wally: Say what? The Boss: eat a bug. The Boss: I didn't have much luck with the other management techniques so Im kinda winging it now. Wally:Do i get to pick the bug? The boss: Its way more motivational if I pick the bug. Dilbert: How did your evaluation go? Wally: MXLT Next! Dilbert: Do I get a bun? The boss: You guys are never happy.
Share December 14, 1999's comic on:
The boss is sitting in his office and Catbert is sitting on the boss's desk. Catbert says to the boss:"Being a manager means never having to be less condescending just because you're wrong." Both Catbert and the boss laugh out loud: "Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha" Carol is sitting at her computer and Dilbert is standing behind her holding a folder. Dilbert says to Carol: "Did he finish my performance evaluation?" Carol answers: "I heard him working on it."
Share August 10, 2001's comic on:
The Boss is sitting at his desk. Asok the intern asks stiffly, "May I have an ergonomic evaluation of my chair and keyboard?" The Boss responds, "Asok, work is supposed to hurt. That's how you know you're doing it right." Asok exclaims, "I can't feel my hands!" To which The Boss replies, "My whole body is numb!"
Share August 17, 2001's comic on:
Headline: Catbert: Evil H.R. Director. Catbert is standing on The Boss' desk. Catbert reports, "The average performance evaluation for your group is too high." The Boss asks, "Do you want me to lower their ratings or their actual performance?" Catbert responds, "Whatever." Dilbert is sitting at his computer. The Boss is standing behind him with one arm reached out towards the back of Dilbert's head. Dilbert says, "This is starting to affect my performance." The Boss replies, "Why? I'm not touching you."
Share January 06, 2003's comic on:
The Boss: I need your self evaluation so I can write your performance review. Remember to rate yourself on our core values of honesty and integrity. Wally claims he did no work this year. But he's so dishonest , so you can't be sure.