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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 04, 1994's comic on:


Tags #physical intimidation, #smack face, #stupid, #manage by intimidation, #mob menatlity, #gets smacked

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "I've decided to manage by physical intimidation. If somebody says something stupid I'll just smack them." Dilbert says, "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard." The Boss hits himself in the head. Dilbert thinks, "On the other hand, maybe I should give it a chance."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 01, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #intimidation, #respect, #humans, #elf magic, #magic, #elves, #verbal, #bozo, #chubby, #karl, #donuts, #shut up

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An elf says to three other elves, "The humans are not afraid of our elf magic. We must gain their respect through verbal intimidation." Dilbert sits at a table with a box of donuts and a glass of milk in front of him. The elves shout, "Hey, Bozo! We're talking to you, Chubby!" The elves walk away with donuts around their bodies. An elf says, "And then Karl says 'Do you think you're going to eat ALL of those donuts?'" Karl thinks, "Shut up."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 27, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #physical, #pleasure, #cosmic, #joy, #must, #shave, #rub, #stubble, #munk

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Dilbert sits on the floor across from a man in a robe. The ascetic says, "You must renounce all physical pleasure before you can achieve true cosmic joy." Dilbert replies, "Renounce it?! Heck, I don't think I've ever HAD a physical pleasure!" The spiritual advisor says, "And you must shave your head . . ." Dilbert says, "Oh, I get it; then you can rub the little stubble as it grows in!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 09, 1994's comic on:


Tags #cranky, #discover religion, #physical until marriage, #unitarian, #liz, #dilbert serene, #dogbert talks liz

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"I don't understand something, Liz. You told Dilbert you don't want to be physical until after marriage..." "I would expect him to be cranky around the house, yet he's quite relaxed...serene. I don't see how...unless..." "Did you discover religion?" "I think I'm Unitarian."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 13, 1994's comic on:


Tags #impression, #dog in space, #physical humor, #lost art

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Dogbert: And now I will give you my impression of a dog in space. Dogbert: Physical humor is a lost art. Dilbert: Let me know if you find it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 27, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #physical, #manifestatioin, #ego, #worship, #female, #sparkling water

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Dilbert: Hi, I'm Dilbert and this is the physical manifestation of my ego. Dilbert's Ego: Worship me, female!! Dilbert: That's why I only feed it sparkling water.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 28, 1996's comic on:


Tags #fear of action, #festering cynicism, #lame company, #loyalty, #micromanged, #need help, #only one on earth, #physical abnormalities, #six years experince, #downsizing

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Dilbert arrives at home carrying a briefcase. Dogbert sits on the armrest of the chair. Dilbert says, "I need your help, Dogbert." Dilbert carries Dogbert to the desk as he explains, "My company is downsizing. They told us to write our own job requirements then reapply for our jobs." Dogbert asks, "Why do you want to keep working for such a lame company?" Dilbert quips, "Loyalty!" Dilbert and Dogbert laugh. Dogbert says, "Good one." Dogbert says, "Okay. You must write your job requirements so you are the only one on earth who fits." Dilbert replies, "Right." Dogbert dictates, "The candidate must have six years experience sitting in a big box being micromanaged by a nitwit." Dilbert adds, "The candidate must have a festering cynicism and an acquired fear of action." Dogbert says, "Good." Dilbert says, "That narrows it to ten thousand employees." Dogbert says, "We'll have to focus on your physical abnormalities."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 18, 2003's comic on:


Tags #marketing genius, #rebate program, #process, #impenetrable fortress, #unclear instructions, #physical impossibilities, #hidden 300 digit, #serial number

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Headline: Marketing Genius. A business associate says to The Boss and Wally, "We designed a rebate program that won't cost a penny." The business associate continues, "The rebate process is an impenetrable fortress of unclear instructions and physical impossibilities. An elderly couple sits at a table reviewing bills. The man says, "Next time we have to find the hidden 300-digit serial number and write it in a box that's half an inch long." The woman replies, "Stinkin' weasels."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 18, 2003's comic on:


Tags #at party, #camera advice, #engineer, #physical, #wally dressed as engineer, #engineering

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Dilbert is talking to a woman at a party. The woman says, "You're an engineer, maybe you can tell me what kind of digital camera I should buy." Dilbert responds, "Would you ask a doctor for free advice?" The woman says, "I got a complete physical by the appetizer." Wally approaches them in a doctor's uniform and says, "Yeah, I'm never off duty."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 23, 1999's comic on:


Tags #quick question, #innocent work realted, #question, #try to impress, #knowledge of engineering, #pathetic hope, #value, #intelligence, #physical appearence, #red bmw, #lights on

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Dilbert peeks into a women's cube. Dilbert says, "Can I ask you a question?" She says, "I doubt it." She says, "Oh, sure it'll start as an innocent work-realted question." She says, "Then you'll try to impress me with your knowledge of engineering..." She says, "... in the pathetic hope that I value intelligence over physical appearance." She stands up and says, "Well, I don't!! I only care about looks!" Dilbert says, "Do you drive a red BMW? The lights are on." Dilbert sits in a robe on the couch. Dogbert says, "And you still tried to ask her out?" Dilbert says, "She's hard to read."