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694 Results for Play Computer

View 1 - 10 results for play computer comic strips. Discover the best "Play Computer" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 24, 2002's comic on:

Tags #performance review, #objectives, #play computer, #solitaire, #drink coffee, #valuable lesson, #reading documents, #signing, #games of solitaire, #something new, #employee of month

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The Boss walks down the hall and thinks, "I hate today.. I hate today." The Boss takes a seat by Wally in the conference room and thinks, "Wally's annual performance review." The Boss says to Wally, "Let's compare your objectives with.." The Boss pauses and then continues, "What the...?" The Boss says, "Apparently your objectives are "play computer solitaire and drink coffee." Wally says, "I hope you're learning a valuable lesson about reading documents before signing them." The Boss responds, "Okay, we'll use what we have. How many games of solitaire did you win?" Wally says, "Win? I didn't know you could win. Is that something new?" After the meeting, Dilbert approaches Wally and says, "He made you employee of the month?" Wally responds, "He thinks he signed a warning for my file."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 22, 1995's comic on:

Tags #protects webs prodcuts, #engineer, #pads schedule, #six months, #build prodcut, #play doom, #computer, #add people, #tiny empire, #eighteen months, #sales people, #irrational desire, #beta test, #technology, #engineering

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Dogbert holds a pointer and stands next to the caption, "How Nature Protects Weak Products." The caption says, "First, the engineer pads his schedule." Dilbert and the Boss sit at a conference table. The Boss asks, "Six months?" Dilbert replies, "At least." Dilbert thinks, "One month to build the product and five months to play 'Doom' on my computer." The caption says, "Then the manager pads the schedule as a clever negotiating ploy." The Boss tells an executive, "One year . . . Unless you add people to my tiny empire." The caption says, "Then the vice president pads the schedule to avoid looking bad to the president." The VP kisses the president's toes and says, "Eighteen months." The caption says, "Meanwhile, the sales people are making up numbers because nobody tells them anything." A man tells a woman, "Two months . . . And it solves every problem you have!" The caption says, "This causes the customers to develop irrational desire for the product." A woman says into the phone, "Give me the 'beta' test version in one month." The caption says, "Thus nature disguises weak products as 'beta.'" The woman looks at a device and says, "Cardboard? That's stupid." Dilbert replies, "Oh . . . Then it's beta."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 27, 2010's comic on:

Tags #computer help, #trap, #yell, #freak out, #hair stand up, #rant, #hug, #kill, #head in hands

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Tina says, "I need help with my computer." Dilbert says, "It's a trap!" Dilbert says, "If I touch your computer, you'll think that every future problem is caused by something I did." Dilbert says, "You'll tell everyone I ruined your computer!" Dilbert says, "I'll be obligated to solve every computer problem you have from this day on." Dilbert says, "My own projects will be left to wither as I show you for the ninethieth time how to select a new font." Dilbert says, "If I refuse to help, you'll tell my boss I'm not a team play." Tina says, "Do you need a hug?" Dilbert says, "Only if you can squeeze hard enough to kill me."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 03, 2011's comic on:

Tags #couples, #dating, #play games, #guess the lie, #say 2 things, #dating games, #obvious things, #relationships

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Woman: Let's play a game. We each say two things about ourselves and the other has to guess which one is a lie. Dilbert: I love to play games like that. My second thing is that I eat food.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 13, 2011's comic on:

Tags #big business, #secondhand sales, #tablet computer, #business, #design logo, #pay another company, #other companies, #watch, #engineers, #degrade, #low morale

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Boss: We're going into the tablet computer business. And by that I mean other companies will make the product and we'll design the logo. And by that I mean we'll pay another company to design the logo for us. Alice: Can we watch?

Dilbert Characters

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 13, 2012's comic on:

Tags #hats, #inventions, #brainwave reader, #nearest computer thoughts, #blurry image, #video, #beta version, #video quality

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Dilbert: My brainwave reader invention can control the nearest computer with my thoughts. Boss: Why am I seeing a video of a blurry image that looks like you slapping another blurry thing that looks like me? Dilbert: I don't think it's fair to complain about the video quality of the beta version.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 14, 2012's comic on:

Tags #computer, #control computer, #invention, #inventions, #mind, #mobile (cell) phones, #phone, #power, #brain reader, #technology

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Dilbert: My brain reader invention allows me to control any nearby computer. Co-worker: That's nothing! My phone can... Dilbert: I did that with my mind. Co-worker: That's nothing! I made you do it!

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 18, 2012's comic on:

Tags #gadgets, #sales personnel, #tablet computer, #prototype, #indestuctable, #crash

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CEO: Our tablet computer is indestructible. Watch this... Man: Our company is next. Find the prototype. CEO: Oops. Was that yours?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 17, 2012's comic on:

Tags #inventions, #quantum computer, #prototype, #success, #in between state

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Boss: How's your quantum computer prototype coming along? Wally: Great! The project exists in a simultaneous state of being both totally successful and not even started. Boss: Can I observe it? Wally: That's a tricky question.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 31, 1989's comic on:

Tags #computer, #park, #chemicals, #create, #issues, #technology

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Dilbert sits at his desk and says, "Wow! According to my computer simulation, it should be possible to create new life forms from common household chemicals!" Dogbert says, "This raises some thorny issues." Dilbert asks, "You mean legal, ethical and religious issues?" Dogbert replies, "I was thinking about parking spaces."