Plead Guilty Comic Strips
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38 Results for Plead Guilty
View 1 - 10 results for plead guilty comic strips. Discover the best "Plead Guilty" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday February 21,
1997
Tags #appliances, #lewd condcut, #plea bargain, #plead guilty, #stealing computer, #mr coffee
Transcript
Dilbert sits at a conference table wearing handcuffs. Dogbert sits next to him. A lawyer says, "You're accused of stealing a computer. We'll reduce the charge to 'lewd conduct with appliances' if you'll plead guilty." Dilbert tells Dogbert, "That sounds fair. People will understand it's just a plea bargain." Wally enters the office kitchen and asks Dilbert, "Would you like a minute alone with 'Mr. Coffee'?"
Sunday May 15,
2011
Tags #dating, #restaurants, #filling survey, #surveys, #guilty, #date, #dinner, #restaurant, #Food, #favorite restaurant, #romance, #waiter, #pick up waiter, #ruined, #relationships
Transcript
Waiter: Would you mind filling out this customer survey so we know how we're doing? Dilbert: I don't have time to fill out surveys about everything I do. But you're making me feel guilty about not doing it. Oh no! You turned a good customer experience into something ugly. It's getting all awkward and I'm looking like a big jerk in front my date. Now I can never again eat here because I'm afraid of what you'll do to my food. You've ruined my favorite restaurant, as well as my chance of romance with this woman. Waiter: ... favorite restaurant... Woman: What are you doing later?
Monday January 08,
1990
Tags #Dogbert, #bad, #mood, #innocent, #blame, #plead, #forgiveness, #insult, #Dilbert
Transcript
Dogbert sits on his pillow thinking, "I've got to get out of this bad mood somehow." Dogbert thinks, "I'll have to find somebody innocent to blame . . . And make him plead for my forgiveness." Dilbert says, "Hi, Dogbert." Dogbert asks, "Is that some kind of an insult?"
Friday January 24,
1992
Tags #Dogbert, #guilty, #stealing, #millions, #insider, #trading, #scheme, #judge, #punishment
Transcript
Dogbert stands in front of a judge's bench in a courtroom. The judge says, "I find you guilty of stealing millions in an insider trading scheme." The judge says, "Let's see . . . According to my sliding scale of justice, the punishment at your income is . . . Hmm . . ." Back at home, Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert stands on the hassock. Dogbert says, "I'm sentenced to be the subject of a Kitty Kelly biography."
Wednesday December 17,
1997
Tags #company lawyer, #secret military project, #north elbonians, #communits, #guilty of treason, #executed, #pull a lever
Transcript
Dilbert sits down with the lawyer and says, "I'm working ona top secret military project. My boss hired some North Elbonians to help me." Dilbert says, "They're communists. If I give them any information, I could be guilty of treason. I could be executed." Dilbert asks, "Can you help?" The lawyer says, "Sure. What would I have to do - pull a lever?"
Wednesday April 15,
1998
Tags #eds farewell gift, #treated like dirt, #guilty, #five dollars
Transcript
A secretary holds an envelope and tells an uptight co-worker, "I'm collecting for Ed's farewell gift." Woman pulls something out of the envelope and says, "Ed, you treated me like dirt. I find you guilty and I fine you five dollars." First woman says, "I just put that in there." Angry woman says, "Come back if you get more."
Thursday September 24,
1998
Tags #meeting objectives, #accuracy of info, #facts, #guilty person
Transcript
Alice says, "Who said I wasn't meeting my objectives?" The Boss says, "I can't rememeber." Alice grimaces. The Boss says, "Therefore, I have no reason to doubt the accuracy of the information." Alice says, "Check the facts!" The Boss says, "That sounds like something a guilty person would say."
Tuesday November 02,
1999
Tags #call center, #inhumane conditions, #employees, #guilty, #acting under orders, #demonize, #business
Transcript
Dilbert: Ive been ordered to build a company call center with inhumane working conditions for the employees. ut I don't feel guilty because Im only acting under orders and maybe they did something to deserve it. I might need your help to demonize them. Dogbert: Im all over it.
Saturday December 09,
2000
Tags #crime, #finding guilty, #jury finding, #proram, #witness protection
Transcript
The jury verdict DILBERT: WE FIND THE DEFENDANT GUILTY.... ...OF THIS CRIME AND MAYBE A FEW OTHERS THAT DIDNT COME UP, LASTLY, DO YOU HAVE ANY BROCHURES FRO THE WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM?
Thursday May 17,
2001
Tags #taking bribes, #from vendors, #feel guilty, #getting paid, #walk with cup, #looks harder
Transcript
Carol sits behind her desk. Wally approaches with a cup of coffee and says, "Do you feel guilty about taking bribes from vendors?" Carol replies, "No. Do you feel guilty getting paid to walk around with a coffee cup?" Wally walks away thinking, "I need a bigger cup so this looks harder."