Plenty Of Ommissions Comic Strips
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18 Results for Plenty Of Ommissions
View 1 - 10 results for plenty of ommissions comic strips. Discover the best "Plenty Of Ommissions" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday July 13,
2004
Tags #negotiate sale, #voice activated hassock business, #no lying, #plenty of ommissions, #tactical ignorance
Transcript
The Boss: "I want you to negotiate the sale of our voice activated hassock business." "You're not allowed to lie, but I expect plenty of omissions, misdirections, exaggerations..." "...Unjustified optimism, lost documents, unclear explanations, gray areas and tactical ignorance. Oh, and say that we have other offers."
Sunday June 03,
2012
Tags #laziness, #office workers, #encouragement, #career plans, #misjudge, #5 year plan, #legacy sytems, #retirement, #projects, #protect heart, #plenty of naps, #quality of work, #pension fund, #new career plan
Transcript
Catbert: Wally, you can't float through life with no goals and no ambition. Wally: You misjudge me. I have my entire career planned out. My five-year plan is to avoid any sort of work in which my individual accomplishments can be measured. I'll hoard knowledge about one of our legacy systems so I seem indispensable. When I get to within four years of retirement, I'll only work on projects that have a five-year payback. I'll protect my cardiovascular system by getting plenty of naps and not caring about the quality of my work. Then I'll stick a straw in our pension fund and suck on it for the next forty years. Boss: Did you get him straightened out? Catbert: No, but I got a new career plan for myself.
Friday March 01,
1991
Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #elbonia, #reclassified, #third-world, #second-world, #plenty, #elbonians, #world relations
Transcript
Dilbert reads the newspaper and says, "The tiny nation of Elbonia has been reclassified from a third-world country to a second-world country." Dogbert asks, "Second?" Dilbert explains, "That means they have plenty to eat, but they don't like it." In Elbonia, an Elbonian mother puts a tray of food on the table. Her child says, "Airline food, again?!"
Sunday May 16,
1993
Tags #Dilbert, #dollars, #chairty, #moral, #duty, #fortunate, #starving, #plenty, #money, #hobbies, #code, #eat, #morality, #charity
Transcript
Dilbert and Dogbert walk through the park. Dilbert says, "I gave five hundred dollars to charity this year." Dilbert continues, "I believe it's my moral duty to help those less fortunate." Dilbert lifts Dogbert onto a rock. Dogbert asks, "Five hundred dollars? What kind of morality is that?" Dogbert continues, "People are starving and you still have plenty of money left for your hobbies." Dogbert continues, "According to YOUR moral code it's more important for you to have a new computer than for poor people to eat." Dogbert continues, "Morality? Ha! You spent five hundred bucks to ease your own guilt!" Dilbert replies, "And it worked. I feel pretty good." Dilbert asks, "How much did YOU give to charity?" Dogbert replies, "A thousand. That's why I'm so torqued."
Sunday February 24,
2002
Tags #god of management time, #insatiable appetite, #kronos, #manipulate perception, #month, #plenty of time, #states reprts, #upgrade servers, #side effects
Transcript
The Boss says to Dilbert, "Upgrade all of our network servers by Tuesday." Dilbert responds, "That's impossible. I need at least a month." The Boss replies, "Oh, it's impossible. Watch this." The Boss yells, "I summon Kronos, The God of Management Time!!" A man in a pink suit and hat comes and says, "I, Kronos, will manipulate your perception of time." Kronos hits The Boss on the head with his wand. Dilbert responds, "I don't see how that helps..." Kronos explains, "When he wakes up he will believe there is plenty of time and that you are a weasel." Dilbert asks, "Any side effects?" Kronos replies, "Just an insatiable appetite for status reports."
Sunday March 11,
2012
Tags #cloud, #email, #internet speak, #lingo, #meetings, #pretending, #text, #understanding technology, #wi fi, #skype
Transcript
Boss: Did you get the email I texted to you? Co-worker: What? That doesn't even make sense. What the heck is wrong with you? Dilbert: Let it go. He slips in and out of understanding basic technology. Boss: Do we have enough room in the cloud for Skype? Because if we don't, we can store some files on the wi-fi. Dilbert: I got this. We have plenty of space because we upgraded to a cumulonimbus cloud. Boss: Very good. Moving on.
Friday April 30,
1993
Tags #Dogbert, #news, #jobs, #billion, #owls, #asteroid, #coincidence, #researchers, #television, #device, #idiots
Transcript
The caption says, "Dogbert's good news show." Dogbert sits at a news desk and says, "Nine out of ten people have jobs . . . Three billion people had a nice day today . . . And the forest has plenty of owls." The caption says, "Regular news show." A news anchor says, "A huge asteroid could destroy earth! And by coincidence, that's the subject of tonight's miniseries." The other reporter yells, "We'll all die!!" The caption says, "Back to Dogbert . . ." Dogbert holds a remote control and says, "In science, researchers proved that this simple device can keep idiots off of your television screen."
Sunday January 07,
1996
Tags #feeling of doom, #room mate, #Dilbert, #fiancee department, #budget, #square footage
Transcript
Dilbert sits at his desk thinking, "Why do I have a feeling of impending doom?" The Boss peeks into Dilbert's cubicle. The Boss says, "Good news!" Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh." The Boss says, "You won't have to spend another lonely day in this tiny cubicle." Dilbert asks, "I'm getting an office?" The Boss replies, "Better! You're getting a roommate!" Dilbert shouts, "Why??? We've got plenty of empty cubicles! Our company owns the whole building!" The Boss says, "The finance department charges my budget for the square footage we use." Dilbert looks over the cubicle wall and says to the Boss, "It's a false savings! You're hurting the company!" The Boss walks away thinking, "All I hear is a faint buzzing." Dilbert sits at his desk thinking, "Oh, well. How bad could it be?" A man wearing a cowboy hat and carrying a can of beans and a radio says, "I hope you like baked beans and square-dancing as much as I do!"
Thursday March 21,
2002
Tags #elbonians, #classified ad, #nuclear war head, #russian craftsmanship, #third world countries, #slingshot, #hundred yards
Transcript
Two Elbonians show up at Dilbert's house door. Dogbert opens. An Elbonian says, "We saw your classified ad for a nuclear warhead." Dogbert says, "It's genuine Russian craftsmanship, ideal for menacing other third-world countries." An Elbonian responds, "Sweet." An Elbonian holds the warhead and says, "Our slingshot can fling this a hundred yards. Is that enough?" Dogbert looks at their briefcase full of money and says, "That's plenty."
Monday January 21,
2008
Tags #functioned as incubator, #innovations, #contributions, #incubating brains
Transcript
Wally: this week I functioned as an incubator of innovations for contributions to the value chain. To the observer, it looks as if I am doing nothing, but on the inside, I am incubating my brains out. The Boss: It doesn't count unless it hurts. Wally: It hurts plenty.