Practical Purposes Comic Strips
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"Sixty-percent of our distribution goes through Walgetco." "For all practical purposes, they now own us, except for the legal liabilities." "They'd like us to wear orange vests and bow toward their headquarters." "But no touching?"
The Boss says, "My security access was accidentally canceled and now I'm a fugitive." The Boss says, "Can you teach me to be as useless as you are so I'm invisible for all practical purposes?" Guard says, "I hear breathing but it must be the HVAC system." Wally says, "Be the cubicle."
the Boss says, "Why didn't you get my input on the vendor selection?" Dilbert says, "I tried, but?" Dilbert says, "You're so easily distracted that for all practical purposes you're nothing but furniture with coffee breath." The Boss says, "Where were we?" Dilbert says, "You were praising me for my good attitude."
The boss says, "Ted, I want to thank you for your 14 years of loyal service in this fabric-covered box." The boss says, "On a related note. The company has decided to right-size." The boss says, "And keeping you would be the wrong size." the boss says, "Clear out your debris in an hour so I can use your cubicle to store my old binders." Ted says, "Who will do my job?" the boss says, "no one." ted says, "So...for all practical purposes I am being replaced by a pile of old binders?" The boss says, "If it makes you feel better, the binders are useless. Everything is online now." Ted says, "So...I'm better than old binders?" The boss says, "Maybe this would be a good time to change the subject."
Man: I learned the hard way that a lot of people who work in the biotech field are practical jokers. I thought my company was giving free flu shots. Stupid stem cells.
A man with a large head says to Dilbert, "You seem like a bright fellow; have you considered joining Mensa?" Dilbert asks, "Is that the group with genius IQs?" The man replies, "Precisely correct. I'm president of the local chapter." Dilbert asks, "If we're so smart, why do we work here?" The man replies, "Intelligence has much less practical application than you'd think."
Dogbert sits on his pillow listening to the radio. Dilbert says, "It took weeks but I've calculated a new theory about the origin of the universe." Dilbert continues, "According to my calculations it didn't start with a 'big bang' at all - it was more of a 'phhbwt' sound." Dilbert continues, "You may be wondering about the practical applications of the 'Little Phhbwt' theory." Dogbert replies, "I was wondering when you'll go away."
Tags #Dogbert, #government, #speech, #ratbert, #country, #freedom, #checklist, #advocate, #overthrowing, #obscene, #generalize, #disadvantaged, #group, #teach, #children, #practical, #lawyer, #refer, #hearing, #distance, #god, #bless, #clear
Ratbert tells Dogbert, "The great thing about this country is that we have freedom of speech!" Ratbert asks, "Is it okay to say that?" Dogbert replies, "Hmm . . . Let's see if it's on the free speech checklist . . ." Dogbert reads a document and says, "Okay, you didn't advocate overthrowing the government . . ." Dogbert continues, "You were not obscene . . . You did not generalize about a disadvantaged group . . . You did not teach children anything useful or practical . . ." Dogbert continues, "You didn't refer to anybody who can afford a lawyer to sue us . . ." Dogbert continues, "And there's nobody within hearing distance who can harm you financially . . . You're clear." Ratbert says, "God bless this country!" Dogbert says, "Whoa! Whoa!"
The caption says, "Flashback: Dogbert and the World's Smartest Garbage Man invent the first Web browser as a practical joke." Dogbert reads a newspaper and his ears fly up in surprise. The garbage man says, "It's out of control." Dogbert says, "I wonder what will happen to that college kid we framed." The garbage man says, "He'll be okay." The carrying a stack of money man asks, "Where would you like this bushel of money?" A college boy replies, "Stack it next to the photographers." A hairdresser combs his hair.
SALE The boss: "I'm looking for a practical vehicle that's also good for the environment." "I recommend the envirocrusher-4. It weights 40 tons and it uses owls for fuel." The Boss: "Where I would I get that many owls?" "The engine noise stuns them. You just them up off the ground."