Pretend To Follow Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

149 Results for Pretend To Follow

View 1 - 10 results for pretend to follow comic strips. Discover the best "Pretend To Follow" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 10, 2007's comic on:


Tags #corporate strategy, #plan, #consistent, #leveraging platforms, #rewrite plan, #pretend to follow

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "Is your plan consistent with our corporate strategy?" Dilbert: "How would I know?" The Boss: "Don't you know our strategy?" Dilbert: "No. Do you?" The Boss: "Of course I do. It's something about leveraging our platforms." "Does your plan leverage our platforms?" Dilbert: "No, but I can rewrite my plan so it seems as if it does." The Boss: "Good. Go back and do that." "There's no point in having a strategy if you aren't going to pretend to follow it."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 04, 2003's comic on:


Tags #smarter not harder, #important looking document, #pretend to be angry, #avoid people, #more problems, #shirt toothpaste color, #smells minty

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok walks into Wally's cubicle and says, "Wally, can you teach me to work smarter, not harder?" Wally reaches for a stack of papers and says, "Grab an important-looking document and follow me." As they're walking, Wally says, "Walk briskly and pretend to be angry about what you're reading." Asok makes a mean face and says, "Grrrr." A co-worker approaches Wally and Asok and says, "Hey, Asok, would you help me...?" Wally and Asok both stare at their papers and say, "Grrrr." The co-worker continues, "Never mind." Wally says to Asok, "As a rule, people try to avoid anyone who has more problems than they do." Wally continues, "Lesson two: make sure your shirt and your toothpaste are the same color." Wally points to his shirt and says, "This baby is covered with toothpaste stains, but you'd never know it." Asok exclaims, "Wow!" Wally continues, "And how often do you need to launder a shirt that smells minty?" Asok exclaims, "Never!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 26, 2014's comic on:


Tags #management jargon, #engage employees, #follow from front, #anything, #tell people, #fake caring situation, #fake passion, #uncle died, #combine both

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: What's the newest management jargon I need to pretend you understand? Catbert: Experts say you should engage employees and follow from the front. Boss: Does that mean anything? Catbert: No one know. Just to be safe, you should tell people you're doing it. Boss: Should I act as if I'm passionate, or is this more of a fake caring situation? Catbert: Beats me. Try combining the two. Boss: Fake passion plus fake caring. Asok: My uncle died. Boss: Woot!!! What was his name?!

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 04, 2011's comic on:


Tags #car pool, #saving planet, #steal time, #theif, #hitch a ride, #hero, #ride in trunk, #pretend, #sneaky, #leave work

View Transcript

Transcript

Russell: Gotta go. Carpool. Boss: Okay. See you tomorrow. Wally: I have to go too. Boss: Whoa! Sit back down. Wally: Why does the carpooler get to leave early? Boss: Carpoolers are like heroes that are saving the entire planet. You're more like a thief who is trying to steal time from the company. Wally: What if I hitch a ride home in the carpooler's trunk? That would make me a hero too. Boss: That sort of makes sense. Russell: I only pretend to have a carpool, but you're welcome to ride in my trunk. Wally: Deal!

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 05, 2012's comic on:


Tags #sales personnel, #pretend, #helpful, #awkwardly upsell, #listening, #refrigerator, #ice

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is shopping. A salesman approaches him and says "Do you mind if I pretend to be helpful while I awkwardly try to upsell you?" Dilbert replies "Nope. Do you mind if I pretend to be listening while I think about other things?" "Cool," says the salesman. Dilbert thinks to himself "I'm glad I don't have your job." The salesman asks him "How old is your refrigerator? Do you like ice?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 17, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #little girl, #ambush reporter, #Kids, #pretend, #manipulate, #crying, #expensive, #consumerism

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert approaches a little girl, holds out a microphone and says, "Just a minute little girl. I'm Dogbert, the ambush reporter." Dogbert says, "Is it true that you PRETEND to be cute in order to MANIPULATE adults!!" The girl starts sniffing and crying. Dogbert says, "Oh, hey, wait . . . I'm just kidding. Can I buy you something expensive?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 25, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #painting, #creepy, #follow, #currator, #art, #news, #newspaper, #home

View Transcript

Transcript

A man points to a painting and says to Dilbert, "Notice how the eyes seem to follow you." Dilbert moves his head and says, "Wow, that's a weird effect." The man says, "It gets better." Dilbert sits in his chair reading the newspaper. The eyes from the painting followed him home and are sitting on the window sill.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 18, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #marriage counselor, #plastic surgery, #personalities, #bad, #pretend, #other, #communicate, #begging, #trouble

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert sits at a desk in front of a sign that says, "Marriage Counselor." A man and a woman sit across from him. Dogbert continues, "I recommend massive plastic surgery for both of you . . . And your personalities are bad, too; pretend to be other people." The man or the woman asks, "Should we try to communicate more?" Dogbert replies, "No, that's just begging for trouble."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 28, 1996's comic on:


Tags #Catbert, #evil hr director, #like about work, #making popcorn, #microwave, #pretend tow ork, #body language, #popcorn priviledges

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally sits at his desk. Catbert says, "Hey, Wally, is there anything you still like about working here?" Wally replies, "Um . . . I like making popcorn in the microwave and eating it while I pretend to work." Wally says, "Your body language tells me that something evil is going to happen to my popcorn privileges." Catbert sits on the monitor and thinks, "I love my job."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 11, 1997's comic on:


Tags #argument, #new org chart, #promotion for intern, #startegies, #pretend its work

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert shouts at Asok, "I don't care what it 'looks' like on the org chart! You're an intern, not my boss!" The Boss pats Asok on the back and says, "I just saw the new org chart. Congratulations on your promotion, Asok!" Asok and the Boss walk away from Dilbert's desk. Asok says, "Let's go make some strategies and pretend it's work!" The Boss whispers, "Not so loud. The L-U-S-E-R might hear." Dilbert bangs his head on the desk.