Pretend We Died Comic Strips
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135 Results for Pretend We Died
View 1 - 10 results for pretend we died comic strips. Discover the best "Pretend We Died" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday September 25,
2003
Tags #outsourcing, #elbonia, #time difference, #hand off requirements, #work day, #finish code, #pretend we died
Transcript
The Boss: "We're outsourcing half of our programming work to Elbonia to take advantage of the time difference." The Boos: "We'll hand off our requirements at the end of our work day and get back the finished code the next morning." Elboninas: "Once again, I have no idea what they want." "Let's pretend we died."
Sunday January 26,
2014
Tags #management jargon, #engage employees, #follow from front, #anything, #tell people, #fake caring situation, #fake passion, #uncle died, #combine both
Transcript
Boss: What's the newest management jargon I need to pretend you understand? Catbert: Experts say you should engage employees and follow from the front. Boss: Does that mean anything? Catbert: No one know. Just to be safe, you should tell people you're doing it. Boss: Should I act as if I'm passionate, or is this more of a fake caring situation? Catbert: Beats me. Try combining the two. Boss: Fake passion plus fake caring. Asok: My uncle died. Boss: Woot!!! What was his name?!
Tuesday November 18,
2014
Co Ceo Died Kitesurfing
Tags #apathy, #ceos, #death, #emotions, #executives, #bad news, #publicity stunt, #margins, #died, #medical
Transcript
Dogbert the Co-CEO. Dilbert: I have bad news. Your Co-CEO died trying to kitesurf some class 6 rapids for a publicity stunt. Dogbert: Get to the bad part. Is it margins?
Sunday December 04,
2011
Tags #car pool, #saving planet, #steal time, #theif, #hitch a ride, #hero, #ride in trunk, #pretend, #sneaky, #leave work
Transcript
Russell: Gotta go. Carpool. Boss: Okay. See you tomorrow. Wally: I have to go too. Boss: Whoa! Sit back down. Wally: Why does the carpooler get to leave early? Boss: Carpoolers are like heroes that are saving the entire planet. You're more like a thief who is trying to steal time from the company. Wally: What if I hitch a ride home in the carpooler's trunk? That would make me a hero too. Boss: That sort of makes sense. Russell: I only pretend to have a carpool, but you're welcome to ride in my trunk. Wally: Deal!
Saturday February 25,
2012
Tags #meetings, #public speaking, #powerpoint slides, #intelligent viwers, #manipulative anecdotes, #boss died, #praise employees
Transcript
Dilbert: My PowerPoint slides have a little something for everyone. For my intelligent viewers, I have data, and for the morons, I have manipulative anecdotes. Which reminds me-- did you hear about the boss who died because he didn't praise his employee?
Monday March 05,
2012
Tags #sales personnel, #pretend, #helpful, #awkwardly upsell, #listening, #refrigerator, #ice
Transcript
Dilbert is shopping. A salesman approaches him and says "Do you mind if I pretend to be helpful while I awkwardly try to upsell you?" Dilbert replies "Nope. Do you mind if I pretend to be listening while I think about other things?" "Cool," says the salesman. Dilbert thinks to himself "I'm glad I don't have your job." The salesman asks him "How old is your refrigerator? Do you like ice?"
Thursday May 17,
1990
Tags #Dogbert, #little girl, #ambush reporter, #Kids, #pretend, #manipulate, #crying, #expensive, #consumerism
Transcript
Dogbert approaches a little girl, holds out a microphone and says, "Just a minute little girl. I'm Dogbert, the ambush reporter." Dogbert says, "Is it true that you PRETEND to be cute in order to MANIPULATE adults!!" The girl starts sniffing and crying. Dogbert says, "Oh, hey, wait . . . I'm just kidding. Can I buy you something expensive?"
Saturday June 23,
1990
Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #dreamed, #died, #light, #god, #ark, #comment, #incident, #armchair
Transcript
Dogbert covers his eyes with his paws and says, "I'm so embarrassed . . . I dreamed I died and saw the light of God . . ." Dogbert says to Dilbert who is wearing a bathrobe and holding a flashlight, "I trust you will just let this incident pass without comment." Dilbert says, "I command you to build an ark . . ." Dogbert growls.
Monday July 01,
1991
Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #honor, #executive, #judge, #died, #choking, #waffle, #x-rays, #against
Transcript
Dogbert stands in front of the bench and says to a judge, "Your Honor, my client has been accused of slaying an executive of his company . . ." Dogbert holds up an x-ray image and continues, "But these x-rays prove that the deceased died from choking on a waffle." The judge says, "It looks like you drew these x-rays yourself." Dogbert replies, "Oh, I suppose there's a law against THAT, too!"
Tuesday August 18,
1992
Tags #Dogbert, #marriage counselor, #plastic surgery, #personalities, #bad, #pretend, #other, #communicate, #begging, #trouble
Transcript
Dogbert sits at a desk in front of a sign that says, "Marriage Counselor." A man and a woman sit across from him. Dogbert continues, "I recommend massive plastic surgery for both of you . . . And your personalities are bad, too; pretend to be other people." The man or the woman asks, "Should we try to communicate more?" Dogbert replies, "No, that's just begging for trouble."