Previous Clients Comic Strips

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View 1 - 10 results for previous clients comic strips. Discover the best "Previous Clients" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #severe shyness, #nude photos, #internet, #previous clients, #motley crue, #Dogbert, #technology

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Dilbert is in bed under blanket and says to Dogbert, "I've been having severe shyness attacks at work." Dogbert, who is sitting on Dilbert's legs says, "I can help." Dogbert says, "I'll send nude photos of you to everyone on the internet." Dilbert is in bed covering his upper body and asks Dogbert, "Will that work?" Dogbert, who is situated on Dilbert's leg replies, "All of my previous clients are dating 'Motley Crue' band members."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #judicial proceedings, #Dilbert, #doubted, #clients, #innocence, #defense, #jury, #client, #lawyer, #civic, #duty, #Dogbert

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The caption says, "Jury selection." A lawyer says, "My client is accused of killing twelve people just like you folks." The attorney continues, "The alleged victims were all part of a previous jury who doubted my client's innocence." The jury members look horrified. The lawyer says, "This jury is acceptable to the defense."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #rags, #Dogbert, #corporate, #clients

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Dogbert says to a group of rags, "I'll be representing you corporate employees in a class action suit. Your company has sucked the life force out of you and turned you into little rags." Dogbert continues, "My fee will be on a contingency basis. That means I get the entire settlement plus I'll use you to wax my BMW." One rag replies, "Sounds fair." Another thinks, "Don't make waves." Dogbert thinks, "I've found the perfect clients."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managing, #marketing group, #previous manager killed, #parking lot, #run down, #murder, #apathy to murder, #body on bumper

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The Boss: "In addition to my current duties, I'll be managing the marketing group." "The marketing job opened because the previous manager got run down in the parking lot." "When they needed a good manager, they knew where to look." Dilbert: "Under your bumper?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #consulting form, #bushel, #money, #twenty hours of work, #good reasons, #clients, #travel

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Ratbert sits on top of a dresser. A man in a suit stands holdinga basket full of dollar bills. The man says, "Come work for our consulting firm and you will get this bushel of money." The man says, "All we want in return is twenty hours of work each day..." The man says, "...With clients who hate you for a variety of good reasons." Ratbert says, "At least there's no travel right?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #engineering liason, #project staus, #translate for clients, #never completed, #idiot clients, #change requirements

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The Engineering Liason says to Dilbert, "Tell me your project status and I'll translate for our clients." Dilbert says, "The project will never be completed because our idiot clients change the requirements every other day." The Engineering Liason responds, "I'll just say you're drunk."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #internal clients, #tracking, #fake bills, #helpful

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The Boss says to Wally, "We're going to start tracking our time spent with internal clients." The Boss continues, "I will cleverly send fake bills to other departments to show how helpful we are." Wally replies, "I can't help you. I'm busy with my time sheet."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fired me yesterday, #leaving previous job, #non buisness, #use of internet, #crime dont pay

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The Boss, looking at a piece of paper, asks Dilbert, "And what's your reason for leaving your previous job?" Dilbert answers, "You fired me yesterday for non-business use of the internet." The Boss says, "Crime doesn't pay." Dilbert says, "Wait until you hear my minimum acceptable salary."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #complaining, #computer programmers, #code mocking, #engineering tradition, #software project, #new engineer, #mock previous engineer, #engineering

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Dilbert: Are you coming to the code mocking? Asok: The what? Dilbert: Code mocking is an engineering tradition. It happens whenever a software project is handed to a new engineer. The new engineer is required to mock the previous engineer's work in a public way. We spectators get to vote on whether the old code is killed or spared. Coworker: Ha ha! His code is hilariously inefficient! Ouch. Chest pain. Dilbert: Kill it! Kill it! Kill it! Coworker: Gaaa!! The code is offending my engineering sensibilities! It's killing me! Dilbert: I forgot to mention that sometimes the code wins.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #laziness, #meetings, #buddha jogging, #reliability stats, #data does not exist, #random numbers, #deep understanding of reality

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The Boss says, "Asok, get me the reliability stats for our previous model." Asok says, "I am fairly certain the data does not exist." The Boss says, "Wally can show you how to get it." Wally says, "Come with me." Wally says, "You start by typing random numbers into a spreadsheet." Asok says,"Then what?" Wally says, "Then you're done." Wally says, "All business data is intentionally misleading. I just take it to the next level." Wally says, "A deep understanding of reality is exactly the same thing as laziness." Asok says, "That can't be right." Wally says, "Have you ever seen a statue of Buddha jogging?"