Project Failed Comic Strips
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715 Results for Project Failed
View 1 - 10 results for project failed comic strips. Discover the best "Project Failed" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday February 25,
2007
Tags #in charge, #assignment, #budget, #approve expenses, #report, #project plan, #take blame, #project failed
Transcript
The Boss: You'll be in charge of this project. Dilbert: What's my budget?" The Boss: I'll need to approve all expenses. Dilbert: Who will report to me? The Boss: Your team will report to me and I'll tell them what to do. Dilbert: I'll start on the project plan. The Boss: Um... Skip that part. I already have a plan in my head. Dilbert: Hypothetically, who would take the blame if this project failed? Well, you're in charge...
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Wednesday December 21,
1994
Tags #quality award, #dishonest parts, #project lost budget, #assume project failed
Transcript
Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the table. Dilbert works on a laptop and says to Dogbert, "I have to submit my project for a 'quality' award. I'll need your help on the dishonest parts." Dilbert continues, "The real story is that the project lost its budget because its acronym was similar to a project that was canceled." Dogbert says, "Assume your project would have failed and claim the savings from avoiding it." Dilbert says, "You're spooky."
Sunday July 14,
2019
Finding A Scapegoat
Tags #business, #office, #project, #ceo, #scapegaot, #climate change
Transcript
the boss: we'll need a scapegoat to blame for our failure on this project. dilbert: no one will believe it wasn't our fault. the boss: are you kidding? the boss: people will believe anything. the boss: we just have to be the first to frame the situation. dilbert: i suppose we could make our lie sound credible. the boss: that's overkill. dilbert: we don't need to sound credible? the boss: not even a little. the boss is in ceo's office. the boss: our project failed because of climate change. ceo: that sounds right.
Thursday November 07,
2019
Learning What Doesn't Work
Tags #managers & supervisors, #project, #fail, #failure, #business
Transcript
wally in meeting: my project failed miserably, but i think we can agree we came out ahead. for example, we learned what does not work boss: you? wally: that's one way to look at it.
Tuesday December 08,
2015
Women Communicate Better
Tags #gender, #listening, #talking, #conversation, #communication, #roles
Transcript
Alice: your project failed because there were no women on the team. Women have better communication skills. Every study shows that. Are you listening? Dilbert: Outwardly, yes.
Wednesday October 15,
2014
Tags #blame, #deadlines, #originality, #partnership, #project milestones, #toxic moron, #incapable, #original thought, #same
Transcript
Boss: You two have failed to meet your project milestones. Dilbert: That's because you paired me with a toxic moron who is incapable of having an original thought. Coworker: That happened to me, too.
Monday January 26,
2015
What Phase Of The Project
Tags #insult, #insulting, #project, #questioning
Transcript
Boss: What phase is your project in? Dilbert: This is the phase where people ask stupid questions. Boss: How long does it last? Dilbert: It isn't looking good for today.
Monday June 20,
2016
Wally Heads Up Ai Project
Tags #work ethic, #laziness, #project, #fake
Transcript
Boss: Wally, I need you to head up our artificial intelligence project. You will have no budget and no hope of success. I just like saying we're working on AI. And you're completely useless, so it's a good match. Wally: I won't let you down.
Tuesday April 09,
2019
Post Mortem
Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #project, #idiots
Transcript
the boss around a conference table: let's do a post-mortem on our failed project to see what we did wrong. dilbert: we allowed idiots to make decisions. the boss: you say that every time. dilbert: i haven't been wrong yet.
Thursday October 24,
2019
Project Update
Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #project, #update, #plan, #read, #imaginary
Transcript
boss: did you send me your project update? dilbert: were you planning to read it? boss: no dilbert: then i totally sent it too you boss thinking: half of my job is imaginary