Promoted First Comic Strips

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573 Results for Promoted First

View 1 - 10 results for promoted first comic strips. Discover the best "Promoted First" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business plans fail, #realistic goal, #manage spectacular failures, #promoted first, #most cycnical

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Dilbert sits on the couch and Dogbert sits on the armrest. Dogbert says, "Most business plans fail. Obviously, success is not a realistic goal." Dogbert continues, "But the people who manage the most spectacular failures get promoted first because of their experience." Dilbert says, "That is the most cynical thing I've ever heard in my life!" Dogbert replies, "Thanks. I'm blushing."

Dilbert Characters

Ted Promoted To Software Architect

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Ted Promoted To Software Architect - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #manager, #Promotion, #intelligence, #logic, #obliviousness

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Boss: I promoted Ted to software architect because he doesn't know how to code. At first I thought it was a bad idea. Then I remembered that sometimes monkeys are astronauts. Dilbert: You know the monkeys don't fly the rocket, right? Boss: And Ted won't be writing code.

First Time For Everything

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First Time For Everything - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #amazing, #business, #business plan, #concept, #first time, #good, #managers & supervisors, #new, #pandemic, #face mask, #covid

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boss and wally wearing face masks. boss: why should we do what you are suggesting when literally no one has ever tried it before? wally: because everything good and amazing had to be done by someone for the first time. boss: will this be good and amazing? wally: let's keep this on the concept level.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #annoyance, #anxiety, #internet & world wide web, #password recovery, #password, #pin code, #user name, #code word, #complicated planet, #floyd, #first person, #breath, #jump, #outer psce

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Dogbert: Are you trying to recover a password, PIN code, user name, pass code or code word? Man: I hate this stupid complicated planet! I am so out of here! Dogbert's password recovery service. And that is how Floyd became the first person to hold his breath and jump into outer space.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #app store, #created app, #dream killer, #first name, #free apps, #madonna, #sell a million, #mother, #Family

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Dilbert: I spent four months creating this app, mom. I think I can sell a million of them for $3.99. Mom: I saw seven apps just like this in the app store and five of them were free. Dilbert: Thanks for the feedback, dream-killer. Mom: Have you ever thought of just using your first name, like Madonna?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #helen, #asking, #date, #Women, #first-strike, #capability

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Dilbert picks up a ringing phone. Dilbert says, "Hello." The voice on the phone says, "This is Helen. We've never met but don't even THINK of asking me for a date . . . ever." Helen hangs up. Dilbert says to Dogbert, "Women got first-strike capability." Dogbert says, "Surrender."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #dorgy, #industrialist, #japanese, #maid, #promoted, #ww2

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Dilbert: Dorgy, why are you dressed like a maid? Dorgy: Dogbert is teaching me capitalism. Today I am lowly maid. But with hard work I will be promoted to job as major industrialist. Right? Apparently there is flaw in system. Dogbert: Yeah, but we blame it on the Japanese,

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #first, #date, #elvis, #sexy, #dead, #woman

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Dilbert and a woman sit at a table in a restaurant. Dilbert says, I know it's only our first date, but what do you think of me?" The woman replies, "You remind me of Elvis." Dilbert thinks, "Sexy." The woman thinks, "Dead."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #flaps, #silhouette, #naked, #woman, #sexist, #neaderthal, #embarassed, #gender, #first, #thoughts

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Dilbert shows Dogbert a mud flap and says, "I bought some mud flaps with the silhouette of a naked woman." Dilbert continues, "With these on my car, women will think I'm a sexist Neanderthal, and men will be embarrassed to share my gender." Dilbert continues, "But now I'm having second thoughts." Dogbert says, "That implies you had first thoughts."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #stand-up, #comedy, #competition, #first time, #competitor, #audience, #camcorders, #mary kay, #mental, #imagery

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A comedian asks Dilbert, "Is this your first time?" Dilbert replies, "Yeah." Dilbert shakes nervously and beads of sweat fly off his forehead. The man says, "I know I'm supposed to be your competitor, but I'll share my technique of using mental imagery to relax." Dilbert says, "Thanks!" The man says, "Imagine that you're naked . . . And the audience is full of Mary Kay salespeople with camcorders . . ."