Dogbert sits at the table and Ratbert stands on the table in front an easel. Ratbert says, "Tell me what you think, and don't try to spare my feelings." Dogbert says, "It's a hideous compost of random colors. It seems both hackneyed and poorly executed. It's an embarrassing proof of your utter lack of talent." Dogbert continues, "As for you personally, spend some time on a 'Stairmaster.'" Ratbert says angrily, "Stick to the art, please!"
Dogbert hands a photograph to a man behind a desk and says, "Here is photo proof that I completed my hit-man contract on Dilbert." The man replies, "Excellent." Dogbert says, "Here he is, sitting lifeless in his stuffed chair." The man looks at the picture and says, "It looks like he's just watching television." Dogbert says, "Technically, my contract doesn't say I must kill him. It says I must 'prove he has no life.'"
"Dogbert! Come here! I've done it!"
"I created a mathematical proof of the existence of God!"
"Give it to me."
"This is a job for the world's smartest garbage man."
"What can I do for you, Dogbert?"
"Check this math."
"Clever...but he transposed some variables. This proves the existence of his dog."
"Now we know YOU exist and I must exist because 'I think, therefore I am'."
"But since Dilbert wasn't thinking when he made his error, there's no proof that HE exists."
"Hey!"
"Did you just hear something, Dogbert?"
"There's no way to be sure."
THE "EXACTLY" MAN: Alice says to Randy, "Everything you said in the meeting was wrong. Here's the proof." Randy whirls on Alice and exclaims, "Exactly!!" Randy sits with folded arms as Alice says, "Okay, I'm not even sure that was a humanoid response."
Dogbert Consults
Dogbert: Your problem is that you have too many losers on the payroll.
Luckily I have developed a fool-proof DNA test for identifying losers. Well, I'm afraid your DNA doesn't match mine, loser.
Dilbert: "When I was a boy, I dreamed of one day working in a fabric-covered box." "I'm living proof that dreams can come true." "Women don't like winners either."
Asok: I have a fool-proof plan for success. I will read a book on how rich people think. Then I will start thinking this way. Book: Rich people think about their shoes a log. Asok: I can do that!
Dilbert: I emailed you proof that you were wrong when you accused me of deleting Alice's project files. Boss: Now I hate you for always needing to be right. Dilbert: I don't see a path to success here. Boss: Your negativity is like a cancer in the workplace.
ceo: i'm getting reports from your staff that you're a white supremacist.
boss wearing face mask and drinking coffee: but i'm not.
ceo: we have proof because you follow racists on twitter.
boss: what makes you think they are racists?
ceo: because they follow you on twitter.
Alice: Our pointy haired boss put me in charge while he's gone.
Thats proof that Im better than you...and you...and you...and you... and you.
Oh look: thats the only thing on my agenda!
