Pump Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

9 Results for Pump

View 1 - 9 results for pump comic strips. Discover the best "Pump" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #quarreling, #nemesis, #notoriously ineffective, #prime the pump, #retired

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: My old nemesis retired. Would you like to be my new nemesis? Coworker: Why me? Dilbert: You're notoriously ineffective. That's the best kind of nemesis to have. [thinks to himself] That should prime the pump. Coworker: I will thwart you a new one!

View more books now

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #fuel, #pump, #forgot, #mechanic, #car

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and an auto mechanic look under the hood of Dilbert's car. Dilbert says, "I think it's my fuel pump." The mechanic asks, "Your what?" Dilbert replies, "What I mean is I think it's my @*!# fuel pump." The mechanic says, "Well, why didn't you just #$@* say so?" Dilbert replies, "Sorry . . . I forgot where I was."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers brain, #like pump, #prime it, #learns first, #form foundation, #future perceptions, #talking smack

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert and Dilbert watch The Boss who is in a coma at his desk. Catbert says, "A manager's brain is like a pump. If it becomes empty you must prime it." Catbert says to Dilbert, "Whatever he learns first will form the foundation for all of his future perceptions." Catbert points at Dilbert and says to The Boss, "This guy has been talking smack about you." The Boss begins to come to, saying, "Unh..."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bad stocks, #disclose holdings, #money, #newsletter, #stock market, #stock picker, #traded stocks, #pumpanddump

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: I'm starting a pump-and-dump newsletter for thinly traded stocks. It's legal as long as I disclose my holdings and my bad stock picks can be attributed to honest mistakes. Meet my stock picker. Coworker: All shhtocks go up!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #50 page proposal, #one pargraph, #executive summary, #impossible, #give us 3 million, #cool tech, #resumes, #festering boil, #feel obligated, #customers

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Dogbert sit at a table reading documents. Dilbert says, "I have to turn this fifty-page proposal into a one-paragraph executive summary for our CEO. It's impossible." Dogbert responds, "Simple." Dogbert says, "How about 'give us three million dollars so we can buy cool technology, pump up our resumes and escape this festering boil you call a company?'" Dilbert says, "I feel obligated to say something about our customers." Dogbert says, "How about 'I'm glad I'm not one of them.'"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #practicing, #good, #happens, #arms, #distinctive, #rating, #motion, #dinstinctive

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert sits on his pillow listening to a radio. He hears Dilbert shout, "Yes!" Dogbert asks, "What happened?" Dilbert replies, "Nothing. I'm just practicing in case something good ever happens to me." Dilbert explains, "I'll yell 'Yes!' and pump my arms in a distinctive way." Dilbert continues, "Now I'm working on incorporating this spinning motion." Dilbert spins around and shouts, "Yes!!" Dilbert falls out the window. Dilbert lies face down in the grass. Dogbert stands over him and says, "It looks like you've got the 'distinctive' part down." Dilbert says, "Yes!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #snails, #offcie, #slime trail, #hand lotion, #second sign, #addicted, #office

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert approaches Tina the Tech Writer. A piece of paper sticks to his hand. He says, "I think we have snails in the office." Dilbert holds the sheet of paper up and it appears to have something on it. Dilbert says, "There's a slime trail on everything." Dilbert exits and Tina stands on her desk chair to reach a giant pump labelled "Hand Lotion." Tina thinks, "That might be the second sign that I'm addicted to hand lotion."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #lunch date, #happy, #pump fists, #annoyed, #inconvenient, #two musketeers, #face forward, #plan ruined

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "Amber, would you like to go to lunch with me?" Amber says, "Sure!" Dilbert thinks, "Yes!!! I'm in!" Amber says, "Do you mind if we bring Bob? I need to talk to him about his project." Dilbert says, "Well, that would be?" Amber says, "Hey, Bob. Meet us in the lobby." Amber says, "Look at us! We're like the two Musketeers, plus Dilbert." Dilbert says, "There were three musketeers." Amber says, "I'm pretty sure there were two." Amber says, "Wait... I just remembered I have a conference call at noon. You two go ahead without me." Bob says, "We're like the one musketeer." Dilbert says, "Just eat."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #goals, #accomplishment, #consciousness, #death, #achievement, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Do you have any long-term goals? Wally: Just death. Dilbert: Death isn't a goal. Wally: It's the best kind. This way, I can go out as a winner. With my last breath, I plan to do a fist pump and yell, "I did it!" What's your long-term plan? Dilbert: I plan to use brain imaging technology to map my mind. Then I'll create a digital copy of myself to live forever in a software simulation. Unless I already did. Wally: Give yourself a fist pump, just in case.