Pumping Toxic Waste Comic Strips
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Director of Green Andy says, "We've been pumping toxic waste into the water supply for years." Andy says, "yesterday, a giant, mutated alligator destroyed our only competitor's factory." The CEO says, "Now that karma has been discredited, what else can we pollute?" Andy says, "The sky's the limit."
"Have you summarized your accomplishments for our CEO?" "Almost done." "Okay - My body converts toxic waste into penicillin, I'm clairvoyant, and I invented wool." "I thought sheep invented wool." "Who are you gonna believe, them or me?"
Dilbert: I estimated the project timeline by assuming that everyone involved will waste one week. Boss: That's a stupid way to do a timeline. Set up a meeting and I'll show you how it's supposed to be done. Carol: He's available in a week.
Dogbert: Each of you has already mastered the art of being useless at work. It's time to take it to the next level. Today I will teach you how to be toxic. Toxic people talk about two types of things. One: bring up topics that are sure to cause others to fight. Two: complain about your personal problems at every opportunity. Your homework is to practice at work tomorrow. Wally: I mentioned to Alice that you think her plan is kind of lame.
Wally: Should I waste my time doing tasks that are not in my job description? Or should I be a mindless zombie that shuns teamwork and never shows initiative? Take your time. I'm good either way.
Bank Teller: Thanks for the deposit, sucker! We plan to waste it on complicated hedging strategies that we don't even understand. Dilbert: Your honesty is refreshing. Bank Teller: Thanks, but it makes cross-selling harder.
The Boss: "We must constantly ask ourselves what we can do to delight our customers." Alice: "We could stop having these meetings, fire everybody in the room and lower the prices of our products." The Boss: "I was thinking more alone the lines of a slogan." Wally: "How about, 'we waste your money'?"
Dilbert: I want you to teach me everything you know about corporate politics so I can get promoted to your level. The Boss: To truly understand office politics you must wear a waste basket on your head for one full day. LATER Dilbert: Does this really work? The Boss: It works for me.
The Boss stands in front of Dilbert who is seated at his desk. The Boss hands Dilbert a document and says, "I ranked all of your assignments by priority so you won't waste time on unimportant stuff." Dilbert reads the document and says, "Everything is an 'A' priority except for 'Personal life.'" Dilbert says, "this helps a lot." The Boss says, "I'm still working on the list of 'Must do' 'B' priorities."
The Boss, Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "We've been having a problem with black-outs. The office lights are controlled by motion detectors." A man stands next to the Boss flapping his arms. The Boss continues, "I hired a temp to walk around and flap his arms so the lights won't go off." Dilbert and Wally watch the temp flap his arms. Dilbert says, "Another Journalism major enters the workforce." Wally says, "It seems like a waste. Maybe he could fan us."