Punish People Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Punish People

View 1 - 10 results for punish people comic strips. Discover the best "Punish People" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #career counseling, #hear myself talk, #roll their eyes, #nod and smaile, #babble, #punish people, #management aptitude test

View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: Career Counseling. Dilbert sits across from a client. The client says, "I love to hear myself talk." The client continues, "But I don't like it when people roll their eyes and go 'phhht.'" The client continues, "I'd like a job where people are forced to nod and smile while I babble." The client adds, "And I'd like to punish people for my own mistakes." Dogbert says, "I recommend a career in management." Dogbert continues, "Just to be sure, I'm going to give you a management aptitude test." The client replies, "Hey, I have an idea. Maybe I should pursue a career in management!" Dogbert says, "Congratulations! You just passed the management aptitude test." The client exclaims, "Yes!"

View more books now

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deliver bad news, #meet goals, #fire an engineer, #sales people, #immoral, #punish engineers, #hole puncher

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss is walking and thinking, "Sometimes a manager must deliver bad news." The boss, behind Dilbert, thinks, "Luckily I enjoy it." The boss says, "Our sales force failed to meet their goals." The boss continues, "So I have to fire an engineer to reduce expenses." Dilbert says, "What?" Dilbert says, "You should fire the incompetent sales people!" Dilber continues, "It's immoral to punish innocent engineers for the sins of sales people! I will fight this all the way!" The boss says, "I'm firing Ted. Not you." Dilbert says, "Fair enough. Can you wait until I borrow his hole puncher?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #psychics on televison, #software testing staff, #one medium, #punish them

View Transcript

Transcript

"I've noticed that deadd people know a lot. They're always yapping to psychics on television." "We could kill the entire software-testing staff and replace them with one medium." "Do you see any problem with that?" "If the dead people lie, how would we punish them?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #off color email, #75 poeple, #thought funny, #one compalined, #punished, #sensible, #punish complainer

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources Catbert: "I understand that you forwarded an off-color e-mail to many people." "Seventy-Five people thought it was funny but one person complained, so you must be punished." "Wouldn't it make more sense to punish the freak who complained?" "Do I look sensible?"

Tall People Earn More

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Tall People Earn More - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anger, #discrimination, #fairness, #height, #money, #salary, #wages, #Women, #tall people, #short people, #performance reviews, #height accordingly, #female workers

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: Studies show that tall people earn more than shorter people. So instead of doing performance reviews this year, we'll just measure your height and pay accordingly. And, of course, Alice will earn ten percent less than the men. I think that's a law.

The Problem Is People

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
The Problem Is People - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #failure, #human factor, #human error, #people, #misanthrope, #misanthropic, #teamwork

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I finished the post-mortem on our failed project. Boss: What was the problem. Dilbert: People. Boss: The wrong ones? Dilbert: Don't overthink it.

People Are Terrible

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
People Are Terrible - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hate, #human error, #interpersonal, #introvert, #misanthropy, #people, #antisocial

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: What's the biggest risk with your plan? Dilbert: It's people. They're terrible once you get to know them. Boss: Then don't get to know them. Dilbert: I tried that with you and it didn't work.

Ceo Is Like Normal People

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ceo Is Like Normal People - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #business, #office environment, #cubicle, #work, #normal, #people, #respect, #stupid

View Transcript

Transcript

ceo: even though i am you ceo, i work out of a cubicle just like normal people. you probably respect that. alice: no, it sounds stupid. ceo: then why am i torturing myself in that putrid cubicle? alice: see prior answer.

People Believe Anything

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
People Believe Anything - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #argument, #business, #people, #believe, #anything, #whisper, #campaign, #rival, #management, #dumb, #covid, #pandemic

View Transcript

Transcript

all parties wearing face masks. boss: i'm starting a whisper campaign against my rival in management. i want you to tell people he buys babies from the poor and eats them. dilbert: no one is dumb enough to believe that. boss: people will believe anything. dilbert: not anything. boss: yes, anything. dilbert: fine. i'll try it, but only to prove how wrong you are. office worker: how many does he eat per day? dilbert thinking: i need a new planet.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computers & peripherals, #internet & world wide web, #firewall down, #viruses, #spyware, #tuberculosis, #zombies, #deposed dictator, #iphone 3gs, #army of mole people

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Our firewall is down. Some bad stuff is getting through. Boss: How bad? Dilbert: So far we've seen viruses, spyware, tuberculosis, zombies, a deposed dictator, and an iPhone 3GS. Update: an army of mole people from another dimension has tunneled through. Boss: Keep me informed.