Pursue Goal Comic Strips
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99 Results for Pursue Goal
View 1 - 10 results for pursue goal comic strips. Discover the best "Pursue Goal" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday May 01,
1995
Tags #pursue goal, #world domination, #talk radio host, #unique conservative view, #deserve mockery, #flawed view, #intelligent questions
Transcript
Dogbert says to Dilbert who is sitting at his desk, "I think the best way to pursue my goal of world domination is to become a talk radio host." Dogbert continues, "I'll promote my unique conservative viewpoint that people are idiots who deserve to be mocked." Dilbert asks, "Won't people show your viewpoint to be flawed by virtue of their intelligent questions?" Dogbert asks, "Like that one?"
Saturday November 30,
1991
Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #confirmed, #supreme court, #improper, #goal, #conquering, #world, #enslaving, #humans, #withdrew, #unwritten, #rules
Transcript
A member of the Senate Judiciary Committee says, "Mister Dogbert, do you realize that if confirmed for the Supreme Court . . ." The senator continues, "It would be improper to pursue your stated goal of conquering the world and enslaving all humans?" The senator next to him is asleep and snoring. Back at home, Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on the hassock. Dilbert asks, "You withdrew?" Dogbert replies, "Apparently there are all these 'unwritten' rules."
Tuesday January 25,
2011
Tags #tax incentives, #capital investments, #pursue opportunities, #over burdened staff, #divert resocurces, #top priorities
Transcript
Demon says, "The government announced tax incentives for new capital investments." Dilbert says, "That's great. Now we can pursue marginally attractive opportunities with our overburdened staff." Demon says, "Is he always like this?" The Boss says, "Yes." Dilbert says, "I'll just divert resources from our top priorities."
Tuesday February 28,
2012
Tags #collaboration tools, #human contact, #internet & world wide web, #judegment, #long term goal, #meetings, #suite of tools
Transcript
Wally: I'm designing a suite of internet collaboration tools. It's part of my long-term goal to eliminate all forms of direct human contact. Co-worker: That's messed up. Wally: You're exactly what I'm trying to avoid.
Friday March 11,
1994
Tags #no raise, #engineers wuit, #the goal, #reduce headcount, #smart people leave, #organize pot luck
Transcript
Dilbert: "I'm telling you - if nobody gets a raise, half the engineers will quit!" The Boss: "That's the goal. We're trying to reduce headcount by fifty percent." Dilbert: "But all the smart people will leave!" Dilbert: "Would you mind organizing a goodbye potluck lunch for them?"
Thursday June 16,
1994
Tags #bank off head, #coach, #field, #game, #glasses, #goal, #soccer, #strike, #team players, #Sports
Transcript
Player man: dilbert, you'll be playing the left striker position. Player man: one of our good players will try to strike tony in th head with the ball and bank it in the goal, LIZ: "It" being the ball not your head. Dilbert: Id better take off y glasses. LIZ: No, don't, I included their dampening effect in my calculations.
Friday June 16,
1995
Tags #heavy weight, #boxing cahampion, #new goal, #ratbert, #too small, #slow, #clueless, #catching on
Transcript
Ratbert says to Bob the Dinosaur, "My new goal, Bob, is to be the next heavyweight boxing champion of the world!!" Ratbert continues, "Don't let anybody ever tell you that you're too small or too slow or too uncoordinated." Bob interjects, "Or too clueless." Ratbert responds, "Exactly! Now you're catching on."
Saturday September 16,
1995
Tags #meets goal, #quarter, #save head, #big imporvement, #save money, #haircut, #double goal, #less experinced, #employees, #business
Transcript
The Boss stands in front of Alice, Wally and Dilbert and announces, "If the department meets its goal for the quarter you can shave my head!" Dilbert says, "That would be a big improvement." Wally says, "He's trying to save money on a haircut." Someone asks, "If we double our goal can we iron your shirt, too?" The Boss thinks, "I need some less experienced employees."
Friday December 22,
1995
Tags #business plans fail, #realistic goal, #manage spectacular failures, #promoted first, #most cycnical
Transcript
Dilbert sits on the couch and Dogbert sits on the armrest. Dogbert says, "Most business plans fail. Obviously, success is not a realistic goal." Dogbert continues, "But the people who manage the most spectacular failures get promoted first because of their experience." Dilbert says, "That is the most cynical thing I've ever heard in my life!" Dogbert replies, "Thanks. I'm blushing."
Tuesday July 01,
1997
Tags #goal is to be happy, #more successful, #annoy, #rat, #Dilbert, #lecture, #compare
Transcript
Ratbert and Dilbert are sitting on the couch. Ratbert says, "if the goal of all creatures is to be happy... and I'm happier than you are..." Ratbert continues, "We can conclude that I'm more successful than you are. Isn't that right?" Dilbert looks angry. Dilbert says, "You are REALLY starting to annoy me now." Ratbert says, "The gap widens. Yes!" and pumps his arm in victory.