Search Results for "quality control"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 03, 2001's comic on:


Tags #sales department, #die, #deaths, #bile, #quality control

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Hello, is this the sales department? Elbonian 1: May you die a thousand deaths by choking on your own bile. Supervisor may be monitoring this call for quality control, Elbonian 2: Its good.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 10, 2008's comic on:


Tags #antique thing, #defective prodcuts, #free up funds, #larger volume, #longer test, #sales force, #quality control budget

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "I cut the quality control budget to free up funds to increase our sales force." Dilbert says, "So your strategy is to sell a larger volume of defective products?" The Boss says, "The quality will be fine. The tests will just take longer." Dilbert says, "So...It's an antique thing?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 11, 2007's comic on:


Tags #unqualified crony, #quality control group, #value loyalty, #great leader, #extra disloyal

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: I hired an unqualified crony to run our quality control group. "I value loyalty over competence. That's the sign of a great leader." Dilbert: "Do you see any problem with that?" The Boss: "It makes you look extra disloyal?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 20, 2003's comic on:


Tags #functions to outsorce, #dont do well, #management, #sales, #quality control, #core competenece, #brown table startegy, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert points to a slide and says, "As requested, I put together a list of functions we should outsource." Dilbert continues, "I limited my list to things we don't do well." The Boss and Wally listen as Dilbert's voice continues, "Marketing, quality control, engineering, finance, human resources, and customer support." Dilbert says, "That leaves us with our core competence..." Dilbert continues, "... Sitting around a brown table." Dilbert says, "And, of course, our ability to speak honestly without fear of retribution." The Boss says, "You will never get another raise as long as I'm alive." Dilbert responds, "Well, that puts a lot of pressure on the brown table strategy."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 13, 2012's comic on:


Tags #hats, #inventions, #brainwave reader, #nearest computer thoughts, #blurry image, #video, #beta version, #video quality

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: My brainwave reader invention can control the nearest computer with my thoughts. Boss: Why am I seeing a video of a blurry image that looks like you slapping another blurry thing that looks like me? Dilbert: I don't think it's fair to complain about the video quality of the beta version.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 05, 2010's comic on:


Tags #quality metric, #bid proposals, #magic powers, #sarcastic, #silly, #joke, #serious, #hand paper, #muggles, #harry potter, #men in black

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Your quality metric for next year is to win 30% more bid proposals." Dilbert says, "No problem. I'll use my magic powers to control how much our competitors bid." The Boss says, "I worry that you're not taking this seriously." Dilbert says, "If the muggles find out, I'll wipe their memories."

Aland From Quality Assurance

Thank you for voting.
Aland From Quality Assurance - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 16, 2016's comic on:


Tags #quality assurance, #reinforcement, #positivity

View Transcript

Transcript

Alan: Hi, I'm Alan, from the Quality Assurance department. Don't be worried about quality. I assure you we have plenty of it. Dilbert: That's all you do? Alan: Hey, I don't tell you how to do your job.

Ai Can Control Minds

Thank you for voting.
Ai Can Control Minds - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 24, 2018's comic on:


Tags #control, #intelligence, #office workers, #robot, #technology, #humans

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: We've developed an A.I. with such strong persuasion skills it can control human minds. Dilbert: Obviously, we have to stop the project and destroy all of the code to prevent it from spreading. Man: The A.I. says I need to ignore you.

Social Media Mind Control

Thank you for voting.
Social Media Mind Control - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 09, 2019's comic on:


Tags #control, #social media, #selfie, #smartphone

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Are you worried that the algorithms used by social media platforms are a form of mind control? Boss: I...am not...worried about...that. Wally: Maybe we should have had this conversation sooner. Boss: Must...post...selfie...

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 21, 2011's comic on:


Tags #cruelty, #embarrassment, #not judeg, #quality of question, #technical

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: ... and so, that's my question. Dilbert: I try to not judge people by the quality of the technical questions they ask. Man: Is it working? Dilbert: Not even a little.