Search Results for "quality meeting"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 17, 1995's comic on:


Tags #alarmed, #rat floating, #mid air, #rendered invisible, #worthless assignments, #bad attitude, #quality meeting

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss is surprised to see Ratbert hanging in midair. Ratbert says, "Don't be alarmed. I'm not really a rat floating in midair." Ratbert continues, "I'm clinging to the back of an employee who has been rendered invisible by a long succession of worthless assignments." The Boss comments, "Looks like an isolated case of bad attitude." Behind the Boss, a beaver is suspended in midair. The beaver asks, "Which room is the 'quality' meeting in?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 01, 1994's comic on:


Tags #all day meetings, #cutting staff, #giving stats reports, #layers, #quality team meeting, #root cause, #slow computers, #slow design, #wild guesses

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Thank you all for coming to our engineering quality team meeting. Dilbert: Today we'll try to identify the root cause of our slow design process. Wally: Let me take some wild guesses here. Management keeps increasing our work and cutting our staff. Wally: we spend all out time giving status reports to unnecessary layers of management!! Wally: ow we're having all -day meetings to talk about our efficiency!! Dilbert: I was kinda hoping for some thing that inst anybody fault. Our computers are too slow. we need new ones, Dilbert: now we're getting someplace.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 13, 1998's comic on:


Tags #annual inspirational talk, #work hard, #competition, #feel afraid, #quality of lives, #too afraid, #management incompetetnce

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss stands in casual clothes and says, "It's time for my annual inspirational talk." The Boss says, "We must work twice as hard, or the competition will crush us!" Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit in front of the Boss as he continues, "I want you to feel afraid twenty-four hours a day." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "Question: wouldn't hat lower the quality of our lives?" Wally says, "Seems like it might." Wally continues, "I'm too afraid to work here now. I wonder if our competitor's are hiring?" Alice raises her hand and asks, "Question: should we continue to be afraid of our own management's incompetence?" The Boss replies, "Let's compromise. I'll agree to cut the meeting short if you'll all agree to feel worse in some way." The Boss leaves the meeting and thinks, "No I remember why I only inspire them once a year."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 28, 2002's comic on:


Tags #meeting with favorites, #management perspective, #top priority, #price, #service, #circles are round, #flew in, #ate up time, #stole a day, #revenge

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss walks into a meeting and says, "Hey, it's a meeting with our favorite customers!" The Boss continues, "It's lucky I was passing by." The Boss continues, "I don't know what this meeting is about but I'm sure it needs some management perspective." The Boss continues, "Our top priority is quality. Our other top priority is price.. and service.. and ..." Headline: One Hour Later. The Boss concludes, "And that's why circles are round." The customer looks at her watch and says, "We flew here for this meeting and you used up all of our time saying nothing." The customer stands up and exclaims, "You stole a day of my life! I will hunt you to the end of time! Revenge will be mine!" The Boss and Dilbert are alone in the conference room. The Boss says, "Is it just me or is that phrase starting to be overused?"

Four Hour Meeting

Thank you for voting.
Four Hour Meeting - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 20, 2015's comic on:


Tags #decision, #decisions, #meeting, #meetings, #productivity, #time, #time management, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Yesterday, in our four-hour meeting, we agreed to postpone the vendor selection. Dilbert: No, we agreed to use our existing vendor. Asok: I thought we agreed to cancel the whole project. Dilbert: We might need some clarity on this. Boss: Four more hours should do it.

Aland From Quality Assurance

Thank you for voting.
Aland From Quality Assurance - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 16, 2016's comic on:


Tags #quality assurance, #reinforcement, #positivity

View Transcript

Transcript

Alan: Hi, I'm Alan, from the Quality Assurance department. Don't be worried about quality. I assure you we have plenty of it. Dilbert: That's all you do? Alan: Hey, I don't tell you how to do your job.

Dilbert In Wrong Meeting

Thank you for voting.
Dilbert In Wrong Meeting - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 29, 2016's comic on:


Tags #awkward, #meeting, #embarrassed, #embarrassment, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I just realized I'm in the wrong meeting. My best bet is to slowly sink below the table and slip away. Someday, when my grandkids ask what I did for a living, I'm going to say I was unemployed.

Attend A Meeting In My Place

Thank you for voting.
Attend A Meeting In My Place - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 31, 2017's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #frivolous, #stand-in, #time management, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I need you to attend a meeting in my place. I agreed to the meeting before I realized it would be a total waste of time. Dilbert: This could not be worse. Boss: I might have volunteered to write up the meeting notes.

Optimal Meeting Density

Thank you for voting.
Optimal Meeting Density  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 01, 2018's comic on:


Tags #laziness, #excuses, #excuse, #meeting, #meetings, #powerpoint, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: We've achieved optimal meeting density. We have so many meetings that I can avoid all of them by saying I have another meeting at the same time. Man: While you're here, can you review my slide deck? Wally: I'd love to, but I have fifty slide decks ahead of you.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 01, 2011's comic on:


Tags #therapy session, #cloud, #having meeting, #tech talk, #couch, #shrink, #avatar, #engineer, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I was holding a virtual meeting using the cloud and... Therapist: you're already dead and you don't know it. Dilbert: um...no im an engineer. Therapist: and yet your should had a meeting in a cloud. Interesting. Dilbert: my people call it an avatar.