Quality Of Assignments Comic Strips
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179 Results for Quality Of Assignments
View 1 - 10 results for quality of assignments comic strips. Discover the best "Quality Of Assignments" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday August 17,
1995
Tags #alarmed, #rat floating, #mid air, #rendered invisible, #worthless assignments, #bad attitude, #quality meeting
Transcript
The Boss is surprised to see Ratbert hanging in midair. Ratbert says, "Don't be alarmed. I'm not really a rat floating in midair." Ratbert continues, "I'm clinging to the back of an employee who has been rendered invisible by a long succession of worthless assignments." The Boss comments, "Looks like an isolated case of bad attitude." Behind the Boss, a beaver is suspended in midair. The beaver asks, "Which room is the 'quality' meeting in?"
Friday May 11,
2001
Tags #criminal record, #police, #fake name, #quality of assignments, #legal
Transcript
Wally sits across from the Boss. The Boss says, "Wally, now that you have a criminal record, I can't let you work on anything important." Wally replies, "I don't have a criminal record. I gave the police a fake name." Wally approaches Asok the Intern at his desk and says, "You might notice a change in the quality of your assignments."
Friday September 16,
2016
Aland From Quality Assurance
Tags #quality assurance, #reinforcement, #positivity
Transcript
Alan: Hi, I'm Alan, from the Quality Assurance department. Don't be worried about quality. I assure you we have plenty of it. Dilbert: That's all you do? Alan: Hey, I don't tell you how to do your job.
Thursday July 21,
2011
Tags #cruelty, #embarrassment, #not judeg, #quality of question, #technical
Transcript
Man: ... and so, that's my question. Dilbert: I try to not judge people by the quality of the technical questions they ask. Man: Is it working? Dilbert: Not even a little.
Friday October 28,
2011
Tags #business ethics, #illness, #industrial sludge, #drank, #has tail, #lower iq points, #bright future, #quality assurance, #marketing, #zip line guide, #business
Transcript
Dilbert: He's been like this since our CEO made him drink a glass of our industrial sludge at a press conference. It looped a few points off his I.Q., but he's still has a bright future in quality assurance or maybe marketing. And with his new tail he'd be an awesome zip line guide.
Friday November 04,
2011
Tags #comparing a task, #criticism, #employees, #executives, #quality is bad, #your imagination, #time, #quality, #boss, #business
Transcript
Boss: Why did this take so long? Dilbert: You're comparing a task - the likes of which has never been done - to your imagination of how long such things should take. Boss: Well then, the quality is bad. Dilbert: Compared to... ?
Monday February 13,
2012
Tags #hats, #inventions, #brainwave reader, #nearest computer thoughts, #blurry image, #video, #beta version, #video quality
Transcript
Dilbert: My brainwave reader invention can control the nearest computer with my thoughts. Boss: Why am I seeing a video of a blurry image that looks like you slapping another blurry thing that looks like me? Dilbert: I don't think it's fair to complain about the video quality of the beta version.
Sunday June 03,
2012
Tags #laziness, #office workers, #encouragement, #career plans, #misjudge, #5 year plan, #legacy sytems, #retirement, #projects, #protect heart, #plenty of naps, #quality of work, #pension fund, #new career plan
Transcript
Catbert: Wally, you can't float through life with no goals and no ambition. Wally: You misjudge me. I have my entire career planned out. My five-year plan is to avoid any sort of work in which my individual accomplishments can be measured. I'll hoard knowledge about one of our legacy systems so I seem indispensable. When I get to within four years of retirement, I'll only work on projects that have a five-year payback. I'll protect my cardiovascular system by getting plenty of naps and not caring about the quality of my work. Then I'll stick a straw in our pension fund and suck on it for the next forty years. Boss: Did you get him straightened out? Catbert: No, but I got a new career plan for myself.
Saturday March 03,
1990
Tags #Dilbert, #urget, #memo, #employees, #important, #competitive, #proactive, #quality, #items, #pounding, #tingly, #day, #off
Transcript
Dilbert sits at his desk reading a memo. Dilbert reads, "Urgent memo to all employees:" Dilbert says, "Uh-oh. Looks important." Dilbert continues reading, "If we are to remain competitive, you must proactively improve quality on all actionable items!" Dilbert says, "Wow! That was inspiring. My heart is pounding. I'm all tingly . . . I'd better take the rest of the day off . . ."
Friday April 20,
1990
Tags #Dilbert, #Women, #conclude, #year, #quality, #dates, #sadly, #Dogbert
Transcript
Dilbert and Dogbert sit on a hill outdoors. Dilbert says, "About 400 women turned me down for dates this year." Dilbert continues, "I can only conclude one thing . . ." Dogbert asks, "Not enough quality women?" Dilbert replies, "Sadly."