Quality Of Paper Comic Strips
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478 Results for Quality Of Paper
View 1 - 10 results for quality of paper comic strips. Discover the best "Quality Of Paper" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday April 07,
2002
Tags #tech support, #document, #free paper, #quality of paper, #lousy regular, #silkier, #accept the things can't change
Transcript
Dogbert says into his telephone headset, "This is Dogbert's Tech Support. How may I abuse you?" The man on the other end of the line replies, "My printer prints a blank page after every document." Dogbert says, "Why would you complain about getting free paper?" The man responds, "Free? Isn't it just giving me my own paper?" Dogbert replies, "Egad, man! Look at the quality of the free paper compared to your lousy regular paper!" Dogbert continues, "Only a fool or a liar would say they look the same!" The man responds, "Now that you mention it, it does seem silkier." Dilbert approaches Dogbert and asks, "What are you doing?" Dogbert replies, "I'm helping people accept the things they can't change."
Tuesday June 11,
1996
Tags #new company logo, #brown ring, #quality
Transcript
The Boss, Alice, Dogbert and Dilbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "The Dogbert Consulting Company will help us design a new company logo." Dogbert drinks a cup of coffee. The Boss asks, "When will you start?" Dogbert turns the empty coffee mug upside down on a piece of paper and says, "I just finished. I call it the brown ring of quality."
Saturday June 05,
2010
Tags #quality metric, #bid proposals, #magic powers, #sarcastic, #silly, #joke, #serious, #hand paper, #muggles, #harry potter, #men in black
Transcript
The Boss says, "Your quality metric for next year is to win 30% more bid proposals." Dilbert says, "No problem. I'll use my magic powers to control how much our competitors bid." The Boss says, "I worry that you're not taking this seriously." Dilbert says, "If the muggles find out, I'll wipe their memories."
Friday September 16,
2016
Aland From Quality Assurance
Tags #quality assurance, #reinforcement, #positivity
Transcript
Alan: Hi, I'm Alan, from the Quality Assurance department. Don't be worried about quality. I assure you we have plenty of it. Dilbert: That's all you do? Alan: Hey, I don't tell you how to do your job.
Thursday July 21,
2011
Tags #cruelty, #embarrassment, #not judeg, #quality of question, #technical
Transcript
Man: ... and so, that's my question. Dilbert: I try to not judge people by the quality of the technical questions they ask. Man: Is it working? Dilbert: Not even a little.
Friday October 28,
2011
Tags #business ethics, #illness, #industrial sludge, #drank, #has tail, #lower iq points, #bright future, #quality assurance, #marketing, #zip line guide, #business
Transcript
Dilbert: He's been like this since our CEO made him drink a glass of our industrial sludge at a press conference. It looped a few points off his I.Q., but he's still has a bright future in quality assurance or maybe marketing. And with his new tail he'd be an awesome zip line guide.
Friday November 04,
2011
Tags #comparing a task, #criticism, #employees, #executives, #quality is bad, #your imagination, #time, #quality, #boss, #business
Transcript
Boss: Why did this take so long? Dilbert: You're comparing a task - the likes of which has never been done - to your imagination of how long such things should take. Boss: Well then, the quality is bad. Dilbert: Compared to... ?
Sunday January 08,
2012
Tags #appearences, #big cubicle, #loose weight, #project leader, #status system, #toilet paper holder, #wider cubicle
Transcript
Boss: Congratulations! I'm naming you project leader. As such, you are entitled to a cubicle that is three inches wider than standard. Dilbert: I like the one I have. Boss: You don't have a choice. It is critical that we maintain the integrity of the status system. Otherwise our CEO will look like a jerk for having a private bathroom with a trained falcon as a toilet paper holder. Dilbert: Fine. Where's my larger cubicle? Boss: Here's the awkward part. We don't have one. I need you to lose weight until it looks as if your cubicle is larger. Dilbert: And if I don't? Boss: The falcon needs an assistant.
Monday February 13,
2012
Tags #hats, #inventions, #brainwave reader, #nearest computer thoughts, #blurry image, #video, #beta version, #video quality
Transcript
Dilbert: My brainwave reader invention can control the nearest computer with my thoughts. Boss: Why am I seeing a video of a blurry image that looks like you slapping another blurry thing that looks like me? Dilbert: I don't think it's fair to complain about the video quality of the beta version.
Sunday June 03,
2012
Tags #laziness, #office workers, #encouragement, #career plans, #misjudge, #5 year plan, #legacy sytems, #retirement, #projects, #protect heart, #plenty of naps, #quality of work, #pension fund, #new career plan
Transcript
Catbert: Wally, you can't float through life with no goals and no ambition. Wally: You misjudge me. I have my entire career planned out. My five-year plan is to avoid any sort of work in which my individual accomplishments can be measured. I'll hoard knowledge about one of our legacy systems so I seem indispensable. When I get to within four years of retirement, I'll only work on projects that have a five-year payback. I'll protect my cardiovascular system by getting plenty of naps and not caring about the quality of my work. Then I'll stick a straw in our pension fund and suck on it for the next forty years. Boss: Did you get him straightened out? Catbert: No, but I got a new career plan for myself.