Quarter Comic Strips
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26 Results for Quarter
View 1 - 10 results for quarter comic strips. Discover the best "Quarter" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday February 26,
1993
Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #department, #bowling, #rewarding, #performance, #quarter
Transcript
The Boss tells Dilbert, "We're having a department bowling night tomorrow." The Boss continues, "It's my way of rewarding all of you for your performance this quarter." Dilbert replies, "We hate doing things together at night." The Boss says, "I wasn't happy with your performance."
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Saturday September 16,
1995
Tags #meets goal, #quarter, #save head, #big imporvement, #save money, #haircut, #double goal, #less experinced, #employees, #business
Transcript
The Boss stands in front of Alice, Wally and Dilbert and announces, "If the department meets its goal for the quarter you can shave my head!" Dilbert says, "That would be a big improvement." Wally says, "He's trying to save money on a haircut." Someone asks, "If we double our goal can we iron your shirt, too?" The Boss thinks, "I need some less experienced employees."
Tuesday February 25,
2014
Tags #business ethics, #obliviousness, #million units, #customers happy, #our goals, #their goals, #this quarter
Transcript
CEO: Our goal is to ship a million units this quarter. Dilbert: Do we have any goals that involve making customers happy? CEO: I'm talking about our goals, not their goals. Boss: Totally different.
Saturday March 28,
2015
Ceo Understands Wally
Tags #buzzwords, #deception, #economists, #economy, #jargon, #chief economist, #quarter, #exchange rate, #derivatives, #yen, #monetary policy
Transcript
Boss: Our new Chief Economist, Wally, will tell us what to expect in the coming quarter. Wally: The exchange rate on derivatives will trigger a bubble in monetary policy and deflate the yen. CEO: I totally understand that and have no questions.Boss: Wow! He's good.
Wednesday August 10,
1994
Tags #profits down, #bring own pencils, #sell them, #sidewalk, #beg for money, #money down
Transcript
"Profits are down again this quarter." "That's bad." "Starting tomorrow, you'll have to bring your own pencils to the office." "That's bad." "And you'll have to sell them out on the sidewalk." "That's bad."
Saturday November 02,
1996
Tags #marketing dept., #cubicle walls, #sneak down, #experimnet, #forgets
Transcript
Alice asks Dilbert, "What are you doing in the marketing department?" Dilbert pulls a cubicle wall and replies, "It's an experiment." Dilbert explains, "I sneak down here once a week and move this guy's cubicle wall in by a quarter-inch." A man with a briefcase tries to squeeze into a tiny cubicle. Alice asks, "What's this experiment going to prove?" Dilbert replies, "I forget. It's been a long time."
Wednesday June 25,
1997
Tags #alice, #bonus, #capitalism, #flawed premise, #less work, #wally bonus, #worked less, #implications staggering, #frightening bonus
Transcript
Alice, Wally and Dilbert sit at a table. Alice says, "I did less work than usual this quarter and I got a bonus." Alice says, "The implications are staggering. The entire system of capitalism has a flawed premise." Alice says, "There's only ONE thing that could make this bonus more frightening." Wally says, "I got one, too."
Wednesday March 04,
1998
Tags #sales conference, #presentation, #no user interface, #computer, #no bulky user manual, #power outage, #good from evil, #technology
Transcript
Sales Conference: Dilbert and Wally are giving a presentation. Dilbert points to a blank computer monitor and says, "Here's the product you'll be selling next quarter." Wally says, "It has NO user interface!" Wally says, 'That means no bulky user manual. And no loss of function during a power outage!" Dilbert carries the monitor away and says, "You were right. Our sales people can't distinguish good from evil." Wally stretches his mouth open with his fingers and says, "I strained a smile muscle." Behind them, the sales people applaud (clap, clap, clap).
Wednesday November 17,
1999
Tags #emplyees, #org limbo, #return calls, #revised org chart, #beautiful
Transcript
Dilbert, Dogbert and the boss are sitting at a small round table. Dogbert is wearing a turban with a quarter-moon on it. He says, "I can contact employees who are in org-limbo." Alice appears beside them standing and saying, "Hello-o-o! Why doesn't anyone return my calls?" Dogbert is holding up a chart in front of Alice and shouts, "Come toward the revised chart, Alice!" Alice says, "It's so beautiful!" Dilbert and the boss, run off scared.
Saturday June 08,
2002
Tags #mordac, #information services, #exceeded, #server storage limit, #double storage space, #mystique, #25 cents, #preventer of info
Transcript
Mordac says to Alice, "I am Mordac The Preventor of Information Services. You have exceeded your server storage limit." Alice hands Mordac a quarter and says, "Here's 25 cents so you can afford to double my storage space." Mordac walks away, looks at the quarter in his hand, and thinks, "I think my mystique just took a hit."