Dogbert stands on a chair using a computer while Dilbert watches. Dogbert says, "I'll search my Date-a-Base for women who want a nice guy and don't care about looks." Dogbert says, "All I'm getting are some quotes from guests on 'Donahue,' but they don't seem sincere." Dogbert continues, "Maybe if I expand the search to include all primates . . ." Dilbert asks, "Why did you add 'don't care about looks?'"
Dilbert stands with a coffee cup behind Dogbert who wags his tail and types at his computer. Dilbert says, "What's your new management book about?" Dogbert types and says, "It's a bunch of obvious advice packaged with quotes from famous dead people." Dilbert says, "Did Gandhi really say "Get that #!% dessert cart off my foot!"?" Dogbert says, "He might have."
The Boss approaches Wally and says, "I have an unimportant project, so I thought of you." The Boss continues, "Find a bunch of inspirational quotes that we can put on the lobby walls." Wally types, "If being an eagle is such a good idea, why are there so few of them?"
Wally approaches Alice and says, "I've been asked to collect inspirational quotes for the lobby wall." Alice responds, "Get out of my cubicle, you freakish waste of carbon." Wally writes down Alice's quote as he walks away and thinks, "That'll look good over the elevators."
Wally hands The Boss a piece of paper and says, "As requested, I pulled together some inspirational quotes for our lobby wall." The Boss reads the list and says, "Hannibal Lector... The Donner Party... Uh.. Wally, most of these people are cannibals." Wally puts his hand on his stomach and says, "It was probably a mistake to do this assignment on an empty stomach."
Carol: You made the cover of 'Morons on Parade'.
The boss: I hope they didn't misquote me so Id look like a moron. writers do that sometimes.
Phew! all the quotes are accurate,
The Boss says, "Our highest priority is satisfying our customers? except when it is hard? or unprofitable? or we're busy." CLICK CLICK CLICK The Boss says, "Are you tweeting my quotes?" Asok says, "Book deal! Cha-ching!!!"
the boss: i'm not having much luck with my inspirational quotes, but i thought i would try one more time.
the boss: "winners never quit, and quitters never win."
dilbert: when ted quit, you gave him a raise to stay.
the boss: these work better when you don't think about them.
purchasing manager: i can't approve this purchase without three vendor quotes.
dilbert: only two companies in the world make this sort of product.
purchasing manager: if i bend the rules for you, everyone will want me to bend the rules.
dilbert: maybe you could only bend the rules when it makes complete sense to do so.
purchasing manager: that would be chaos.
Purchasing manager: everyone thinks they have a good reason to bend the rules.
dilbert: is the real problem here that you were bullied in school, and you use this job for some sort of sick revenge.
purchasing manager: now you need four vendor quotes.
co-worker: i don't like what you wrote about my project, so i took one of your quotes out of context, to make you look dumb, and sent it to your boss.
dilbert: that won't work, because once i explain the proper context, he will see there is nothing to it.
later that day.
dilbert: ...so, as you can see, that quote was out of context.
boss yelling: liar!!!
