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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 15, 2001's comic on:

Tags #never thought, #organic pain, #racing toward oblivion, #self delusion, #key to happiness

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Dogbert says to Dilbert, "The key to happiness is self-delusion." Dobert says to Dilbert, "Don't think of yourself as an organic pain collector racing toward oblivion." Dilbert says, "I've never had that thought... Until now." Dogbert says, "Don't blame me; I said don't."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 19, 2013's comic on:

Tags #courage, #pessimism, #motivation, #temporary arrangement, #oblivion, #universe, #needy

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Dilbert: What's my motivation today? Dogbert: You're a temporary arrangement of matter sliding toward oblivion in a cold, uncaring universe. Dilbert: That's it? Dogbert: Did I already say "needy?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 08, 1993's comic on:

Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #computer, #chip, #market, #machine, #date, #curve, #technology, #racing, #state, #edge, #museums

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Dilbert sits at his desk working on his computer. Dogbert says, "I just read that a new computer chip is on the market. Your machine is out of date." Dogbert continues, "You're behind the curve. Technology is racing ahead without you. You're no longer state-of-the-art or leading edge." Dogbert continues, "Sometimes people like you can get jobs in museums." Dilbert yells, "I bought this thing yesterday!!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 14, 1999's comic on:

Tags #too underfunded, #succeed, #slow day, #slide toward failure, #moms unconditional love, #hold me to that

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Dilbert and Dilmom are in the kitchen. Dilmom cuts carrots. Dilbert says, "I'm working on a project that is too under-funded to succeed." Dilbert says, "Every day is a slow but inevitable slide toward failure and humilation." Dilbert says, "At least I'll always have my mom's unconditional love." Dilmom says, "Are you going to hold me to that?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 19, 2000's comic on:

Tags #global communications, #de orbiting satellites, #swimming pools, #deadly flame balls, #speeding toward earth

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Pointing to a picture the Boss says, "We'll be shutting down our global comunications business and de-orbiting our satellites." Dilbert raises his hand and says to the Boss, "Question: Wouldn't that create dozens of deadly flame balls speeding toward earth?" The Boss replies, "That's why we're aiming for cities that have lots of swimming pools."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 06, 2012's comic on:

Tags #business failures/bankruptcies, #honesty, #slide toward irrelevance, #redesign logo, #produce tablet computer, #ugly truth, #personified

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Man: There's nothing you can do about your company's long slide toward irrelevance. But if you redesign your logo and produce a tablet computer that no one buys, at least it will look like you're trying. CEO: Who are you? Man: I'm the ugly truth. Most people just ignore me.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 09, 2008's comic on:

Tags #company invested, #billion dollars, #made up numbers, #slide to oblivion, #made a difference, #victims

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"The company decided to invest a billion dollars based on your stupid made-up numbers." "You've crushed my dreams of a better tomorrow. Now my life is a cold, wet slide to oblivion." "I finally made a difference at work." "how many victims?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 23, 2011's comic on:

Tags #announcements, #committee decided, #file naming, #month, #year, #day, #space, #temperature, #airport, #hat size, #long meeting, #best work

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Ted: The committee decided that the file naming convention will start with the date, in the order of month, year, day... then a space, then the temperature at the airport, and the hat size of the nearest squirrel. To be perfectly honest, it was a long meeting and we probably didn't do our best work toward the end.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 26, 2011's comic on:

Tags #commerce, #economic policy, #utax incentives, #projects, #tax savings, #executive bonuses, #stimulate economy, #trickle on your heads, #trickle down theory, #poker night

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The Boss says, "We've decided to use the new tax incentives on the projects we were going to do anyway." The Boss says, "The tax savings will go toward executive bonuses, which stimulate the economy via the 'trickle on your heads' theory." Alice says, "It's called the 'trickle down' theory." The Boss says, "Not on poker night."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 07, 2011's comic on:

Tags #business ethics, #public realtions firm, #persuade media, #negative stores, #competitor, #ethical, #public relations form, #defaming company, #defame

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Boss: I hired the Dogbert public relations firm. His job is to persuade the media to write negative stories about our competitor. Dilbert: Is that ethical? Dogbert: I assure you that your competitor is doing the same thing to you. They're paying a public relations firm a fortune to steer the media toward defaming your company. Dilbert: Who did they hire to defame us. Dogbert: Probably someone awesome.