Headline: Dogbert the Headhunter. Dogbert is meeting with a client. He says, "We'll need to reword the CEO section of your resume." Dogbert continues, "For example, there's never a right time to use the word 'plundered.'" Dogbert continues, "And instead of 'suckers ignored our P/E ratio,' say you 'enhanced stockholder value.'" The client replies, "Wow. You're good."
boss: you think you made a good argument, but... you are failing to consider the overall implications of the long-term ramifications with regard to strategic priorities.
dilbert: that big bowl of word salad suggests i triggered you into cognitive dissonance.
boss: tuna carpet!
Dogbert: Are you trying to recover a password, PIN code, user name, pass code or code word? Man: I hate this stupid complicated planet! I am so out of here! Dogbert's password recovery service. And that is how Floyd became the first person to hold his breath and jump into outer space.
Dogbert sits on a pillow listening to the radio. Dilbert says, "Dogbert, I'd like to have a word with you." Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on the hassock. Dilbert says, "The neighbor says you glued little suction cups on their new kitten and stuck him on their windshield." Dogbert asks, "What's the problem, some kind of copyright infringement?" Dilbert asks, "What's your second guess?"
The Boss: Dilbert, let me introduce you to our new engineer.
Dilbert: I hate introductions. I always forget their names. Maybe I can use a word association memory trick.
Dee Alamo: Hi, I'm Dee Alamo.
Dilbert: Darn... Nothing.
Dilbert sits on an examining table holding his arm. A man with a stethoscope says, "You're healthy. That's fifty dollars." Dilbert says angrily, "You haven't even looked at my arm!" The man says, "Who's the doctor here?" Dilbert replies, "Apparently, neither of us." The man says, "Right. So it's just your word against mine."
Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the table doing a crossword puzzle. Dilbert says, "What's a five-letter word beginning with 'I' . . ." Dilbert continues, "That means 'an idiot who doesn't know a five-letter word for idiot that starts with "I"?'" Dogbert replies, "Idiot." Dilbert asks, "Will that fit?"
Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk and asks, "What did you mean when you said all employees are empowered?" Dilbert continues, "Does that mean I can control my own budget, make decisions without twelve levels of approval, and take calculated risks on my own?" The Boss replies, "No, it's just a way to blame employees for not doing the things we tell them not to do." Dilbert hangs his head and says, "No wonder you needed a new word."
"Ratbert the consultant"
"It looks like you've all done your assignments for me."
"Your input is so important that I'll have it put in a big binder in stored in the same building that your president works!"
"And I'll put in a good word for you when I meet with your boss later today."
"Wink, thumbs up"
"How about two good words?"
"From now on, I prefer that you not refer to my genus by the derogatory word 'rat'."
"The correct word is 'rattus'. It is the right of any group to define its own name. You must respect that."
"Don't call me a dog anymore. From now on my correct name is 'smarter-than-a-stupid-rattus'."
