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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 03, 1994's comic on:

Tags #dogberts tech support, #three menu, #read a memo

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DOGBERTS TECH SUPPORT Dogbert sits at a desk and says into the phone, "So . . . There are three menu choices and the first two didn't work . . ." Dogbert's continues, "Some people would have recklessly tried the third choice before calling for help. But I can tell you're different." Dogbert continues, "Let's be honest with ourselves, Dave. Do you think anybody is going to read a memo from you?"

Device Can Read Minds

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Device Can Read Minds - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 10, 2018's comic on:

Tags #the boss, #Dilbert, #device, #read, #thoughts, #turn, #computer, #commands, #theories, #engineer, #engineering, #invention, #nothing, #broken

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Dilbert: I invented a device that can read your thoughts and turn them into computer commands. The Boss: Nothing is happening. Is it broken? Dilbert: That's one of my top two theories.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 15, 2012's comic on:

Tags #confusing, #multiple pages, #public speaking, #real words, #small text, #unpersuasive, #computer, #desk, #no one can read, #technology

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Dilbert: Do you want me to put the chart on one page, which would make the text too small for you to see? Or do you prefer a multiple-page approach that is confusing and unpersuasive? Boss: It's probably better if no one can read it. Dilbert: I won't bother using real words.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 24, 1989's comic on:

Tags #Dogbert, #blanket, #book, #writing, #read, #tv guide, #pudding

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Dogbert sits on a pillow and thinks, "Maybe I should write a book." Dogbert thinks, "Nah . . . Maybe I should just read a book." Dogbert thinks as he walks through the house, "Maybe I'll just read the tv guide . . . Maybe I'll just watch whatever's on and turn into pudding . . ."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 03, 1990's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #urget, #memo, #employees, #important, #competitive, #proactive, #quality, #items, #pounding, #tingly, #day, #off

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Dilbert sits at his desk reading a memo. Dilbert reads, "Urgent memo to all employees:" Dilbert says, "Uh-oh. Looks important." Dilbert continues reading, "If we are to remain competitive, you must proactively improve quality on all actionable items!" Dilbert says, "Wow! That was inspiring. My heart is pounding. I'm all tingly . . . I'd better take the rest of the day off . . ."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 06, 1991's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #read, #sculpt, #elephant, #start, #chunk, #marble, #remove, #everything

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Dilbert holds a chisel and other carving tools. A block of marble sits on a stand under a picture of an elephant. Dilbert says to Dogbert who sits on a stool watching, "I've read that it's easy to sculpt an elephant . . ." Dilbert continues, "You just start with a chunk of marble and remove everything that doesn't look like an elephant." Later, Dilbert stares at the chips of marble that remain on the stand. Dilbert thinks, "Apparently, this chunk of marble didn't have an elephant in it."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 28, 1992's comic on:

Tags #exercise, #happiness, #Dogbert, #bob, #newsletter, #clueless, #professional, #wrestling, #home, #device, #looks, #brains, #healthy, #read

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Dogbert hands Bob the Dinosaur a publication and says, "Bob, here's a copy of my new newsletter for clueless people." Bob reads, "Dogbert's Clues for the Clueless: 1. Professional wrestling is all faked. 2. Nobody ever lost weight on a home exercise device." Bob looks upset as he continues to read, "3. Looks are more important to happiness than brains. 4. If people don't comment on you new hairdo, they hate it." Dogbert says, "It's not healthy to read them all at once, Bob."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 05, 1993's comic on:

Tags #the boss, #wimpy, #management, #techniques, #empowerment, #quality, #memo, #shock, #subjective, #electric

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The Boss thinks, "I've had enough of those wimpy management techniques like 'empowerment' and 'quality.'" The Boss stands behind an employee who is wearing a headband with a receiver on it. The Boss says, "Write a BETTER memo or I'll send a strong shock to your head." The Boss presses a button on his belt and the man receives a shock. The Boss looks at the reader and says, "The best part is that it's all subjective."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 01, 1993's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #Wally, #tim, #writer, #famous, #memo, #february, #boss, #performance, #review, #copy, #typo

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A man says to Dilbert and Wally, "Hi, I'm Tim Zumph, writer of the famous memo of February third, 1978 . . ." Tim continues, "I remember it so clearly. My boss walked right up and said 'Nice memo, Tim.' And it wasn't even time for my annual performance review." Tim shows them a document and says, "I still keep a copy with me." Wally points at the memo and says, "Typo . . ."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 12, 1994's comic on:

Tags #donuts, #contains memo, #fired, #termination notice, #humane, #ate the memo, #Wally, #3 donuts

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The Boss, Dilbert, Wally, Alice and Ted sit at a conference table. The Boss hands around a box of donuts and says, "One of these donuts contains a memo which fires the recipient." The Boss continues, "This seemed like the most humane way to reduce headcount." As they walk out of the conference room, Dilbert says, "How was your donut?" Wally replies, "The first two were great. The third was papery."