Real Job Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Real Job

View 1 - 10 results for real job comic strips. Discover the best "Real Job" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #budget, #work, #exciting, #numbers, #real, #job

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his desk. A man says, "Hey, 'Dil-Butt,' I hear they got you doing budget work now." The man says, "Ha ha! It must be really exciting work. I mean, gosh, making all those numbers add up." The man walks away saying, "Ha ha! I'm glad I have a REAL job!" Dilbert clicks the mouse and thinks, "Not anymore."

Top Dilbert Searches

marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #accomplish, #week, #fantasy, #time magazine, #entrepreneurial, #real job, #motion to head, #powerpoint slides, #horror, #real life, #kill, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Dilbert, what did you accomplish this week?" Dilbert says, "I doubled my sales and made the cover of Time magazine." The Boss says, "What?" Dilbert says, "Oh. Whoops. Sorry." Dilbert says, "For a moment there I confused my entrepreneurial fantasty life with my real job." Dilbert says, "I run a parallel career in my mind. In that world, I'm the founder of a hot start-up."B<R>Dilbert says, "It keeps my brain from fully realizing the horror of my actual career and trying to kill the rest of my body." Dilbert says, "But to answer you original question, this week I made some powerpoint slides that have no particular use." Dilbert says, "GAAA!!! My brain is trying to kill the rest of my body!" The Boss says, "Moving on..."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #security guard, #shout, #technical advice, #career change, #loud, #yell, #mouth open, #reboot, #Promotion, #hobo, #sponge bath, #lobby fountain, #typo, #nervous

View Transcript

Transcript

Henry says, "Try rebooting." Dilbert says, "Who are you?" Henry says, "I'm Henry the security guard. I'm trying to evolve into a new career." Henry says, "I'm ignoring my real job while loudly giving technical advice to coworkers." Henry says, "Eventually, people will start to see me as a valuable technical resource. Promotions will follow." Dilbert says, "Do you know anything about technology besides 'try rebooting'?" The Boss says, "Henry, who let the hobo take a sponge bath in the lobby fountain?" Henry says, "Try rebooting! Try rebooting!" Dilbert says, "To fix a typo?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computer, #work, #progress, #software, #annoyed, #grit teeth, #drink coffee, #inspiration, #machine, #technology, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Wally, have you made any progress coding your module?" Wally says, "Progress is difficult to measure in the software realm." Wally says, "You could measure the lines of code I produce, but that would reward inefficiency." Wally says, "The art of this job is binding the rare moments of inspiration to knowledge and machines." Wally says, "In fact, just a minute ago I could feel the inspiration welling up inside me." Wally says, "But then you interrupted me with your naive question and the moment was lost." Wally says, "Maybe you should go back to your office and reflect on the damage you've done here today." Wally thinks, "There goes the one person who has less of a real job than I do."

Asok Asks How Much Is Luck

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Asok Asks How Much Is Luck - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #nepotism, #luck, #success, #obliviousness, #rich people, #privilege

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: May I ask some questions about your journey to success? Boss: I don't like the sound of this. Asok: I am trying to ascertain what percentage of a person's success is pure luck. For example, who hired you for your first real job? Boss: My dad. But in my defense, I interview well.

Wally's Political Views Make Others Uncomfortable

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally's Political Views Make Others Uncomfortable - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #comparison, #gandhi, #Politics, #offense, #offensive, #sensitive, #politically correct, #political correctness

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Wally, your political opinions are making your co-workers uncomfortable. Wally: That is exactly what people said about Gandhi. Boss: You are nothing like Gandhi. Wally: Was he a little bald guy who didn't have a real job?

Centralizing The Decentralized

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Centralizing The Decentralized - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #business, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #sarcasm, #value

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I need to randomly change something so it seems as if being a manager is a real job. Maybe I should centralize all the functions I decentralized last year. Catbert: Or you could find a way to add value. Boss: I'm not magic.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #demoting to engineer, #job to crony, #real work, #pretend, #working, #one wally

View Transcript

Transcript

The new Senior Vice President says to The Boss, "I'm demoting you to engineer so I can give your current job to one of my cronies." The Boss exclaims, "I won't survive. I don't know how to do real work!" The Boss says to Wally, "Wally, can you teach me how to pretend to be working?" Wally replies, "Whoa! There can only be one Wally."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #spreadsheet, #terrible job, #boos, #meeting, #office, #poorly conceived, #complexity of real world, #wrong cells, #numbers don't lie, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "Asok, according to my spreadsheet, you have been doing a terrible job." Asok: "Perhaps your spreadsheet is poorly conceived and does not capture the complexity of the real world." "And let's not forget the near certainty that your formulae are pointing to the wrong cells." The Boss: "Numbers don't lie."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hired, #audit, #perfect job, #give money, #call dolts, #alice, #engineer, #makes slides, #eat donuts, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert says to Alice, "I've been hired by your company to perform an ISO 9000 audit." Looking at his laptop PC, Dogbert says, "Basically, you give me money and I tell you that you're a bunch of dolts. It's the perfect job for me." Dogbert continues, "Tell me what you do here, Alice, if that's your real name." Alice replies, "I'm an engineer. I make slides that people can't read. Sometimes I eat donuts."