Real Time Comic Strips
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1000 Results for Real Time
View 1 - 10 results for real-time comic strips. Discover the best "Real Time" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday April 24,
1993
Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #computer, #romostatic, #real-time, #data, #compression, #plug, #darling, #church
Transcript
Dogbert sits in the chair. Dilbert says, "Look what I got for my computer! It's a romostatic real-time data compression processor!" Dilbert walks away saying, "Oooh . . . I can't wait to plug you in, my little darling. I've waited so long." Dilbert says, "Oh yes! Yes!" Dogbert asks, "Does the church know about this?"
Saturday June 12,
2004
Tags #flaming #$%!!?, #email personlaoty, #really time preson, #miserable clump, #decaying compost
Transcript
"Tina, why did you call me a flaming #%!!?" "I'm so sorry." "That was my e-mail personality. My real-time personality is kind and gentle." "Oh. Okay." "Never speak to me again, you miserable clump of decaying compost!"
Wednesday July 25,
2012
Tags #writers, #product descirption, #26 oclock, #fleemsday, #group writing, #real
Transcript
Tina: Can we schedule a time to write the product description together? Dilbert: Sure. How about 26 o'clock next Fleemsday? Tina: That's not a real time. Dilbert: It's as real as the productivity of group writing.
Saturday April 08,
1995
Tags #cubicle, #smaller, #stauts adjusters, #sendors, #monitor work, #adjust according, #value size, #tiny boxes, #employees, #get used to, #business
Transcript
Dilbert looks a tape measure and tells the Boss, "Just as I thought, my cubicle is two inches smaller today than yesterday!" The Boss says, "We installed real-time status adjusters in the cubicle walls. Sensors monitor your work and adjust the cubicle size according to your value." Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit in cubicles that are so small they can barely fit inside them. Wally says, "It's amazing how fast you get used to it."
Sunday November 15,
2015
Tags #management, #strategy, #productivity, #humane, #inhumane, #treatment, #surveillance, #watching, #privacy, #work, #office workers
Transcript
Boss: We are going to start monitoring employee productivity in real time. Any questions? Dilbert: I need one clarification. Are you saying you removed the last shred of human dignity from our jobs and reduced us to nothing but a meat machine that suffers in a state of perpetual inadequacy as each person is compared to an arbitrary and ever-growing goal until there is no realistic way for the employee to find happiness through natural means? Boss: That's one way to look at it.
Sunday February 28,
2010
Tags #meeting, #accomplish, #week, #fantasy, #time magazine, #entrepreneurial, #real job, #motion to head, #powerpoint slides, #horror, #real life, #kill, #business
Transcript
The Boss says, "Dilbert, what did you accomplish this week?" Dilbert says, "I doubled my sales and made the cover of Time magazine." The Boss says, "What?" Dilbert says, "Oh. Whoops. Sorry." Dilbert says, "For a moment there I confused my entrepreneurial fantasty life with my real job." Dilbert says, "I run a parallel career in my mind. In that world, I'm the founder of a hot start-up."B<R>Dilbert says, "It keeps my brain from fully realizing the horror of my actual career and trying to kill the rest of my body." Dilbert says, "But to answer you original question, this week I made some powerpoint slides that have no particular use." Dilbert says, "GAAA!!! My brain is trying to kill the rest of my body!" The Boss says, "Moving on..."
Friday April 23,
2004
Tags #show one house, #lying real estate agent, #loser
Transcript
The real estate agent dogcart: if you don't buy the house I showed you someone else will. and every time it appreciates another million dollars you will cry out, "why was I so stupid?! why?! Why?!" And I'll be all, "Loser! LO-O-O - sir!" are you really not allowed to show me more than one house?
Friday January 11,
2008
Tags #design, #real world, #uninformed criticisms, #meeting, #boss, #business
Transcript
The Boss: This design will never work in the real world. Dilbert: That design is already widely used in the real world. I can come back later if you need time to concoct additional uninformed criticisms.
Sunday August 27,
2000
Tags #replaced computers, #training class, #ignored requests, #sit unused, #slow way, #computer manual, #no time, #class, #coat, #invest, #plan future
Transcript
Girl: So they replaced our computers and never trained us. I told them we needed a training class but they ignored my requests. So our computers sit there unused while we do our work the slow way. Dilbert: why don't you real the computer manual? Girl: I don't have time for that! Dilbert: But you have time for a class? It doesn't add up. Girl: Im cold. Dilbert: You should try wearing a coat. they're terrific.