Reality Distortion Comic Strips
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90 Results for Reality Distortion
View 1 - 10 results for reality distortion comic strips. Discover the best "Reality Distortion" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday September 23,
2010
Tags #pitchman, #new product, #salesman, #block of wood, #machine, #rays, #reality distortion, #stand on stool, #consumers
Transcript
Dogbert the Pitchman Dogbert says, "Fire up the reality distortion field as soon as I'm introduced." Dogbert says, "Our product is nothing but a block of wood, and yet you need three of them." Man says, "I am a creative individual who does as he is told." Man 2 says, "I can't feel my arm!"
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Monday July 18,
2016
Wally Creates Virtually Reality Goggles
Tags #vr, #virtual reality, #deception, #laziness, #work ethic
Transcript
Wally: Check out the new virtual reality googles. You wear them all day to upgrade the way you experience the world. Narrator: Later. Boss: It's good to see you working so hard, Wally.
Tuesday July 19,
2016
Boss Wears Virtual Reality Goggles
Tags #vr, #virtual reality, #deception, #laziness, #work ethic
Transcript
Wally: I convinced our boss to wear virtual reality goggles all day. Boss: Good job, Wally! I've never seen you work so many hours! Wally: reality is nice, but I find it limiting.
Tuesday October 04,
2016
Dogbert's Reality Show
Tags #television, #reality, #cell phone, #battery, #charging, #Entertainment, #technology
Transcript
Dogbert: I'm creating a reality TV show about ten people locked in a room with one electrical outlet. The central tension will revolve around their daily struggle to charge their phones. Dilbert: Is violence allowed? Dogbert: No, but my producers get a big bonus if it happens anyway.
Saturday September 12,
2020
Augmented Reality
Tags #office workers, #business, #introduction, #reality, #glasses, #social media, #history, #impressions, #dumb, #face mask
Transcript
girl: my name is ... dilbert: stop right there. my augmented reality glasses are showing me your entire social media history. girl: i hope it makes a good first impression. dilbert yelling: my god, you are dumb!
Sunday March 20,
2011
Tags #laziness, #meetings, #buddha jogging, #reliability stats, #data does not exist, #random numbers, #deep understanding of reality
Transcript
The Boss says, "Asok, get me the reliability stats for our previous model." Asok says, "I am fairly certain the data does not exist." The Boss says, "Wally can show you how to get it." Wally says, "Come with me." Wally says, "You start by typing random numbers into a spreadsheet." Asok says,"Then what?" Wally says, "Then you're done." Wally says, "All business data is intentionally misleading. I just take it to the next level." Wally says, "A deep understanding of reality is exactly the same thing as laziness." Asok says, "That can't be right." Wally says, "Have you ever seen a statue of Buddha jogging?"
Tuesday September 27,
2011
Tags #internet & world wide web, #office equipment, #public speaking, #ordinary powerpoint, #portal, #another dimension, #fantasy, #reality, #trade places, #slides
Transcript
Dilbert: This might look like an ordinary Powerpoint slide. But it is actually a portal to another dimension in which fantasy and reality have traded places. Boss: Stop playing with my slides. Dilbert: Beware the horned beast that crosses over.
Wednesday November 23,
2011
Tags #fraternization, #meetings, #emails, #no one responded, #project timeline, #consensus nor reality, #illusion of progress
Transcript
Dilbert: Once again, none of you responded to my emails this past week. So I put together a project time line that reflects neither consensus nor reality. Wally: Can I have a copy so I can mock it? Dilbert: No, I'm still enjoying the illusion of progress.
Wednesday October 05,
1994
Tags #benefits, #define reality, #half the cost, #keep objectives, #rewrite business case, #cut funding
Transcript
The Boss: I decided to cut your project funding in half but keep the objectives the same. Its a brilliant plan, We get all the benefits at half the costs! Dilbert: Why is it that the nuttiest people define reality? The boss: and why couldn't I rewrite the business case to increase revenue?
Friday October 14,
1994
Tags #2004, #cheaper than dating, #date at door, #Dogbert, #future, #holodeck, #virtual reality, #writing article, #money, #male hormones
Transcript
Dogbert: "I can predict the future by assuming that money and male hormones are the driving forces for new technology." "Therefore, when virtual reality gets cheaper than dating, society is doomed." "Year 2004" Date: "Is Dilbert available?" DOgbert: "He's been in the holodeck since March."