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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 28, 2007's comic on:


Tags #tech writer, #stack of papers, #speed of writing, #breakthrough, #realize accuracy, #optional, #micromanage, #errors

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Tina the tech writer Tina: "As you requested I increased the speed of my writing." "My breakthrough was realizing that accuracy and clarity are optional!" "Would you like to micromanage me by reading it all and pointing out the errors?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 30, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #realize, #Draw, #simpsons, #bicycle, #worse, #bike, #Dogbert, #bart

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Dilbert sits at the table drawing on a piece of paper. Dilbert says, "People don't realize how easy it is to draw 'The Simpsons.'" Dilbert shows his picture of Bart Simpson to Dogbert and says, "See, he's riding a bicycle." Dogbert says, "Your Bart is worse than your bike."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 18, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #dinosaurs, #evolved, #bird, #Family, #Dogbert, #realize, #paleolithic, #era, #living, #nuisance

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Dogbert sits on the hassock and Bob and Dawn the Dinosaurs sit on the floor. Dogbert says, "I read that dinosaurs evolved into the bird family." Bob replies, "That's exactly correct, Dogbert." Bob continues, "But most people don't realize that there was a very difficult period when some dinosaurs started evolving into birds." Bob continues, "Learning how to fly was the hardest part." Several dinosaurs jump off a cliff and land on their heads. Another dinosaur straps on a helmet. Bob continues, "And living in trees was a real nuisance." A dinosaur clings to a branch as it falls to the ground. Dogbert says, "Boy, that sounds tough." Bob says, "The tragic part is that we did it just for the 'bonus miles.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 24, 1998's comic on:


Tags #meeting objectives, #accuracy of info, #facts, #guilty person

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Alice says, "Who said I wasn't meeting my objectives?" The Boss says, "I can't rememeber." Alice grimaces. The Boss says, "Therefore, I have no reason to doubt the accuracy of the information." Alice says, "Check the facts!" The Boss says, "That sounds like something a guilty person would say."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 15, 1995's comic on:


Tags #avoid completing, #do it right, #does anything, #fear of mistakes, #higher quality, #inspire, #morale low, #new philosophy, #paralyzed, #punish anybody, #realize mistakes, #value opinion, #victims

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Wally, Dilbert, Alice and the Boss sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Our new philosophy is 'We do it right the first time.'" The Boss continues, "This will inspire you to higher quality because you'll realize mistakes are not tolerated." Dilbert says, "Question." Dilbert asks, "Since mistakes are inevitable, wouldn't your philosophy

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 02, 1995's comic on:


Tags #advertisingmaterials, #technical accuracy, #supposed to be funny, #technical help, #look up something, #dictionary, #engineers, #not comedians, #tech help, #picked colors

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The Boss tells Wally and Dilbert, "I'd like you guys to check Anne's advertising materials for technical accuracy." Wally, Dilbert and Anne sit at a conference table. Wally reads the ad copy and asks, "Is this supposed to be funny?" Dilbert says, "I don't get it." Anne says, "I'm only looking for technical help here." Wally says, "Hey! Maybe you could say something about those warning tags on mattresses! Now THAT would be funny!" Anne covers her eyes and leans on the table. Dilbert says, "Or how about the fact that you can't look up something in the dictionary if you can't spell it? THAT's funny!" Anne stands up and screams, "You're engineers, not comedians!! I want TECHNICAL help!!!" Wally says, "This guy has an XP-6. It should be an XP-7." Anne says, "That's better." Wally adds, "And he should be saying, 'I've fallen and I can't get up.'" Dilbert asks, "Who picked these colors?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 23, 1999's comic on:


Tags #pressure, #realize your job

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Wally says to The Boss, "Lately, I've been feeling a lot of pressure to do work." The Boss says, "Wally, do you realize this is your job?" Wally says, "There - that's exactly what I'm talking about."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 26, 2001's comic on:


Tags #airline, #no planes, #sit in crowded room, #steal luggage, #customers realize, #mechanical difficulties

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Dilbert is assembling something. Dogbert says to him, "I'm going to start an airline that has no planes." Dogbert continues, "I'll take people's money and make them sit in a crowded room while ex-cons steal from their luggage." Dilbert turns and replies, "What happens when your customers realize you have no airplanes?" Dogbert responds, "I call that 'mechanical difficulties.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 16, 2002's comic on:


Tags #sentence finisher, #money from orphans, #sack and albi, #uncanny accuracy

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Headline: The Sentence Finisher. Dilbert says to a coworker, "I think I should take..." The coworker interrupts, "Money from orphans?" Dilbert says, "No, I mean I need..." The coworker interrupts, "A large sack and an alibi?" Dilbert gets frustrated and says, "You're finishing my sentences with..." The coworker interrupts, "Uncanny accuracy?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 28, 2003's comic on:


Tags #edited document, #calirty, #sent out, #amazing, #accuracy and relevance, #spend career fixing

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The Boss: I edited your document for clarity and sent it out. Dilbert: wow. Its amazing how clear it is when you take out all of the accuracy and relevance. I stopped listening after wow I'll get busy spending the rest of my career fixing this.