Records Retention Comic Strips
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Dilbert approaches a door that is labeled, "Records Retention." In the Records Retention Office, Dilbert hands a pile of documents to the librarian and says, "These valuable documents should be stored for five years." As he throws the documents in the trash bin, the librarian thinks, "This job got so much easier when I realized that nobody ever asks for anything back."
Dilbert says, "I can't stop voicing my honest opinions. It's causing problems at work." Doctor says, "According to your medical records, you're an engineer. We classify that as a disease now." Man says, "Gaaa!!! You haven't had your pon farr vaccination." Dilbert says, "Is it warm in here?"
Caption: Dogbert's Tech Support Dogbert at computer terminal speaking to employee on the phone. Dogbert says, "How may I abuse you today?" Employee responds, "The Internet is slow. What causes that?" Employee sitting at his terminal speaking to Dogbert on the phone. Dogbert says, "That can only be caused by you looking at porn." Dogbert says, "I'll need your name for our records." Dogbert hears a "Click" on the line.
Dogbert and Dilbert are sitting on a sofa. Dilbert is snacking on a bag of chips. Dogbert says, "I'm going to start up a discount brokerage firm." Dilbert chews as Dogbert says, "I'll offer my lowest commissions to customers who don't mind bad advice and verbal abuse." Dogbert says, "Did I mention that I won't be keeping any records?" Dilbert says, "You didn't need to."
The Boss comes into Dilbert's cubicle and says, "We're having a meeting to discuss employee retention." Dilbert replies, "Tell them that employees quit because there are too many useless meetings." The Boss says, "We won't be getting into reasons at the first meeting."
Dilbert says to The Boss, "Stockholders are worried that our profits are nothing but accounting gimmicks." The Boss responds, "I'm putting you in charge of destroying all of our accounting records." Dilbert says, "That's illegal." The Boss responds, "Oh. Then just make them more confusing."
Dilbert comes home and says to Dogbert, "My boss ordered me to make our accounting records more confusing. Is that ethical?" Dogbert responds, "It's as ethical as the massive short-sell I'm going to place in the next ten seconds." Dilbert says, "Maybe you're the wrong one to ask." Dogbert yells into his phone, "NOW! NOW!"
Dilbert points to a slide and says, "As requested, my project team has added impenetrable complications to our accounting records." Dilbert says to The Boss, "And an outside firm is erasing all memories from senior management." The Boss asks, "How do they do that?" Dogbert holds a hammer. He says to a manager with a huge bump on his head, "Okay, you're ready to talk to congress." The injured manager replies, "Thank you."
The Boss addresses a meeting, "Senior management knows they need to retain key employees during hard times." The Boss continues, "That's why they're giving themselves huge retention bonuses." Alice responds, "So, they're blackmailing themselves?" The Boss says, "You can make anything sound bad."