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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 26, 2013's comic on:

Tags #charitable organizations, #have a dream, #recycled software, #busy week, #recycled, #old software, #math programs

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Wally: I had a busy week. I recycled all of our old software and donated the zeroes and ones to math programs in poor towns. My dream is that someday every child will be able to count to one.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 24, 2007's comic on:

Tags #presentation, #useful parts, #open to suggestions, #unqualified, #their own jobs, #software, #recycled paper, #engineering

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Dilbert: "This concludes the useful part of my presentation." "Now let's open the floor to suggestions from people who are unqualified to do their own jobs, much less mine." "Yes, you with the forehead." Man: "Can you make the software out of recycled paper?"

Selling Bad Software Is Like Crime

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Selling Bad Software Is Like Crime - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 27, 2015's comic on:

Tags #big business, #business, #criminals, #user interface, #software, #lower tax rate, #engineering

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Dilbert: Our tests show that people can't figure out how to use our software. And yet we still sell it. How are we different from criminals? Boss: Our tax rate is lower.

Software Killed Ted

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Software Killed Ted - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 19, 2015's comic on:

Tags #invention, #software, #free will, #behavior, #murder, #anger, #glitch, #malfunction, #control, #self control, #psychology, #engineering

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Boss: I have a report that you killed Ted in a cafeteria brawl. Dilbert: Not exactly. My brain stimulator had a software glitch, and it made me homicidal for a minute. Boss: So... you're a murderer, right? Dilbert: Software killed Ted. I was only the weapon.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 03, 2011's comic on:

Tags #budget for a poor job, #build software, #business ethics, #cheap or smart, #executives, #poor job, #return on investment, #selling upogardes

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Dilbert says, "If we build our software with no bugs, we can make a 10% return on our investment." Dilbert says, "But if we do a poor job, we can make a 40% return by selling upgrades and service." Dilbert says, "But don't worry. We only have the budget for a poor job." CEO says, "I can't remember if we're cheap or smart." Boss says, "Phew!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 23, 2011's comic on:

Tags #contracts, #lawyers, #surgery, #software server, #too confusing, #normal human, #comprehension, #cost eefective, #involve atorneys, #deal so small, #medical

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Dilbert says, "Your software services contract is too confusing for any normal human to comprehend." Dilbert says, "And it wouldn't be cost- effective to involve our attorneys for a deal so small." Dilbert says, "So I'll just take chance and sign it." Man says, "Doc... scrub in. I got the liver."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 24, 2011's comic on:

Tags #cats & kittens, #computer software, #contracts, #harvest organs, #signed, #software services, #save lives

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Carol says, "There's a guy in the lobby who says he's here to harvest your organs." Carol says, "Apparently, you signed a software services agreement without fully understanding it." Dilbert says, "Well, at least I can save lives." Carol says, "He said something about his cat's birthday."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 25, 2011's comic on:

Tags #context, #contracts, #harvest organs, #holes in contract, #software contract, #signed contract, #holes in torso

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Company Lawyer Dilbert says, "I signed a software contract without getting your input because I was in a hurry." Dilbert says, "Now the software company claims they can harvest my organs." Dilbert says, "Do you see any holes in their contract?" Lawyer says, "They mention holes... in the context of your torso."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 04, 2011's comic on:

Tags #complaining, #conversation, #reflexive urge, #diagree, #counter point, #software can't be changed

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Man: Everything you said is right, but I have a reflexive urge to disagree with you. If you don't mind, I'm going to make a ridiculous counterpoint just to get it out of my system. Dilbert: Okay, but don't be creepy about it. Man: Software can't be changed. Ahhhh... that's good.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 15, 2011's comic on:

Tags #conversation, #suspicion, #no clue, #software works, #wear noisier shoes, #talk behind back

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Dilbert: Wow, the guy who wrote this doesn't have a clue how software works. Man: When you talk about people behind their backs, it makes me wonder what you say about me. Alice: I think we just solved that mystery. Dilbert: You should wear noisier shoes.