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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 16, 2012's comic on:


Tags #residential buildings, #squatters, #foreclosed, #flip house, #red flags, #unexploded ordinace, #urine, #mold

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Boss: I bought a foreclosed house for $500. I plan to flip it for profit. Dilbert: Did the disclosures have any red flags? Boss: They claim there's a lot of mold and enexploded ordnance. But I don't see how either of those things could have survived the urine from the crack squatters.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 07, 1991's comic on:


Tags #autumn, #Dogbert, #night, #Dilbert, #eyes, #moon, #mystery, #magic, #lips, #earthworms, #hideous, #red, #sidewalk, #rain, #storm, #home, #kiss, #worms

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Dilbert sits on a couch holding hands with a woman. Dilbert says, "Your eyes are like the moon on an autumn night, full of mystery and magic." Dilbert continues, "Your lips are like earthworms, painted a hideous red and caught on the sidewalk during a rainstorm." Dilbert arrives at home with bruises on his face and broken glasses. Dogbert asks, "Home early?" Dilbert replies, "At least I didn't have to kiss the worms."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 01, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #designing, #greeting, #Card, #death, #occasion, #working, #humorous, #angle, #roses, #red, #violets, #blue, #cardboard, #stiff

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Dogbert stands at the table reading a card. Dilbert asks, "How are you coming on designing your greeting cards for death occasions?" Dogbert replies, "Okay. Now I'm working on the humorous angle." Dilbert reads, "Roses are red, / Violets are blue, / Cardboard is stiff, / And so are you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 21, 1994's comic on:


Tags #losing life support, #red alert, #scanning, #tractor beam, #trade show

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AT the trade show.... Dilbert: Uh-oh. A vendor is scanning me. Dilbert: Im caught in a tractor beam! red alert! red alert! Losing life support systems Man: ...and I can even calculate fractions!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 01, 1994's comic on:


Tags #dogberts tech support, #online data base, #compatible, #computer, #software, #red blotches, #poison ivy, #technology, #engineering

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DOGBERTS TECH SUPPORT Dogbert sits at a desk using a computer. He says into the phone, "According to my online database, our product isn't compatible with your computer." Dogbert continues, "It's also incompatible with all other computers and all other software including our own." Dogbert continues, "And those red blotches on your hands - that's because our box is made of poison ivy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 24, 1995's comic on:


Tags #flight to ny, #many stopovers, #third world countries, #rebel insurrections, #wear red cross symbol, #on back, #bullseye, #wants boss killed

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The Boss approaches Carol's desk and says, "Carol, about this flight to New York that you booked for me . . ." The Boss continues, "Is it really necessary to make all these stopovers in Third-World countries that are experiencing rebel insurrections?" Carol holds up a bullseye and says, "You'd better wear the international symbol of the 'Red Cross' on your back."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 20, 1996's comic on:


Tags #software development work, #impoverished nation, #elbonia, #high quality code, #no risk, #red alert.elbonia, #be computer tomorrow

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "I moved our software development work to the impoverished nation of Elbonia." The Boss continues, "I'm brilliant. They write high-quality code for six cents a day! There's no risk!" Dilbert thinks, "Red alert!" In Elbonia, an Elbonian wearing a box on his head says, "Tomorrow, YOU be the computer." Another Elbonian stands in front of him pretending to type on a keyboard.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 13, 1996's comic on:


Tags #internal job postings, #experience required, #eric, #potbellied, #near sighted, #red ford bronco

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Dilbert looks over Alice's shoulder at her monitor. Alice points to the screen and says, "The internal job postings are out. Here's a job I'd love." Alice reads, "Experience required: the candidate must be a guy named Eric, pot-bellied, nearsighted, must drive a red Ford Bronco." Dilbert says, "They might have someone in mind already." Alice says, "If I squint . . . and leave my 'control top' pantyhose at home . . ."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 07, 1996's comic on:


Tags #cafeteria, #Catbert, #human resources, #labeling entrees, #life threatening, #red lump, #health care, #evil director, #business

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The caption says, "Catbert, the evil Director of Human Resources." Catbert, Wally, Dilbert and Alice sit at a conference table. Catbert says, "We're moving to 'cafeteria style' benefits." Catbert continues, "Under this system, if you need health care, you wander through the cafeteria asking 'Does anybody know what this red lump is?'" Alice asks, "What if it's a life-threatening problem?" Catbert replies, "That reminds me, the cafeteria won't be labeling the entrees anymore."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 06, 1996's comic on:


Tags #career day, #co workers, #email, #every person, #red faced monkey, #torrid love letter, #professionalism

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Tina thinks, "I accidentally sent my torrid love letter to every person on our e-mail system." Tina peers out of her cubicle and thinks, "Should I hide forever or can I count on the professionalism of my co-workers?" Wally points to Tina's cubicle and says, "We'll complete our 'Career Day' tour with an exhibit that I call 'Tina, the Red-Faced Monkey of Love.'" Three children look in the cubicle and one says, "It's hiding."