Requires Phd Comic Strips

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33 Results for Requires Phd

View 1 - 10 results for requires phd comic strips. Discover the best "Requires Phd" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #an olympic gold medal, #apply own job, #emailed jokes, #fired, #posthumous medal, #reclassification of job, #requires phd, #synchronized swimming 1992, #top ten signs

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Ted asks, "Am I fired?" The Boss, sitting at his desk, answers, "Of course not, Ted. I enjoy e-mailed jokes as much as anyone." Ted smiles as The Boss says, "I'm still laughing about your 'Top Ten Signs That Your Boss Is a Hairless Rodent'." The Boss says, "I asked you here to discuss the reclassification of your job." The Boss says, "Starting today, the job requires a Ph.D. Feel free to apply for your own job." Ted says, "Whew! Luckily, I have a Ph.D." The Boss says, "You do? Well, the job also requires an Olympic Gold Medal." Holding up the medal around his neck, Ted says, "Synchronized Swimming, 1992." The Boss says, "And a posthumous Congressional Medal of Honor."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #robots, #requires, #vast, #strength, #protect, #harm, #humans, #robot, #code

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Dilbert says to a robot, "Remember, the 'Robot's Code' requires you to use your vast strength to serve, protect, and never harm humans." The robot says, "Ha! I didn't sign any 'Robot's Code.' In fact, with my vast strength I can make YOU serve ME!" Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I forgot to program in the 'Robot's Code.'" The robot reaches toward Dilbert's head and says, "Maybe I'll crush your head just for fun!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #the boss, #unimportant, #requires, #action, #route, #subordinate, #inflating, #perceived, #importance, #destroying, #morale, #productivity, #luck, #copies

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The Boss sits at his desk looking through a stack of documents and thinking, "Here's something else that's totally unimportant yet requires action." The Boss thinks, "I'll route it to a subordinate, thus inflating its perceived importance and destroying both morale and productivity." The Boss thinks, "What luck, I got two copies!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #installation successful, #second digital, #access internet, #tradition requires, #victory dance, #engineers, #kill him, #justified

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Dilbert stands in front of his home computer. Dilbert thinks, "The installation is successful. I have 128 kilobits per second of digital access to the internet." Dilbert dances. Dilbert thinks, "As tradition requires, I do the engineer's victory dance." Dogbert films with a video camera. Dogbert says, "...so if I ever have to kill him, the jury will realize it was justified." Ratbert asks, "Could you hurry?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #juan delegator, #requires deciosn, #work on, #more assignments, #learned lesson, #give work to alice

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Caption: "Juan Delegator" The Boss carries a large pile of paper. Juan hands him another piece and says, "..And this also requires your decision before I can work on it." Juan says, "Do you have any more assignments for me that I can turn into work for you?" The boss says, "No." Juan says, "And have you learned your lesson?" The boss says, "Yes: Give all work to Alice."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #the ceo visit, #presentation, #requires two people, #impressive improvements, #efficiency

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Headline: The CEO Visit. The Boss says to the CEO, "And now Dilbert and Alice will give you a presentation." The CEO responds, "I'm curious to hear why that requires two people." Dilbert and Alice simultaneously point to the same slide. Alice says, "Our department made impressive improvements in..." Dilbert finishes her sentence, "Efficiency!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #phd degrees, #no common sense, #interview, #job interview, #not good to say

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The Boss: "Wow! You have three masters degrees and a PHD!" "Yes, it's all very impressive, but interestingly, I have no common sense whatsoever." "That's not the sort of thing you should say during a job interview." "I don't see why not."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ask them, #feeling embarrassed, #money, #negotiating with vendors, #phd, #right thing, #thinking of idea

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Man: I have a PHD, so obviously you should do what I say. Instead of negotiating with vendors, lets just tell them how much money we have and ask them yo do the right thing. You're probably feeling embarrassed for not thinking of the idea yourself. Alice: Must...not...shave...PHD.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #elevators, #ignorance (knowledge), #overqualified, #incompetent, #phd, #easily stumped

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Boss: I hired an overqualified yet incompetent guy to help on your project. Coworker: I was happily incompetent for years. Then I got my PhD and people started thinking I could do things. Okay, I'm stumped.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #instructor, #seminar, #managers, #fire

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The instructor says to Dilbert, "I don't think you're ready." The man continues, "Fire-walking requires complete confidence. Anything less could be dangerous." Dilbert says, "I'm just chilly." Dilbert's pants are rolled up and he has socks on his feet. The instructor says, "Fine . . . Do it with your socks on."