Man: "Let's spend the next four hours reviewing the project plan."
"I've detailed every resource, task and dependency into an exquisitely accurate road map."
"It took me two weeks, but it's the only way to make sure we're not wasting time."
Alice: "My tasks are two weeks late because I was waiting for your input."
Dilbert: "And you left off one task, so all the dependencies are wrong."
Wally: "I'm changing all of my estimate to 'to be determined'."
Dilbert: "Can we do that? I've just been using random numbers."
Man: "I'll have to redo the whole plan."
Wally: "Don't worry. We won't do anything until we hear from you."
The Boss: we need to follow our startegy road map and strengthen our core to become the provider of choice.
Dilbert: Do you mind if I go do some real work whole you stay here and mange your brains out?
Dilbert: I don't want to waste all of you inspiration you just gave me.
Alice: snort.
Wally: Our mission, vision, strategy, road map, and core values are not aligned. So instead of flailing around with no clear direction, I plan to spend my days looking at inappropriate websites. Yesterday, when you said, "Bring me solutions, not problems," I hope you meant it.
Alice: Is it true you are telling everyone the new product road map is stupid? Dilbert: Um... nothing remotely like that has ever happened. Here's an email in which I say how good it is. Alice: You hesitated in your answer. That means you're lying. Dilbert: Read the email!!!
Dilbert and Dogbert sit outdoors. Dilbert says, "I read that half of all teenagers can't locate this country on a map." Dilbert continues, "One frustrated teacher handed out maps labeled 'you are here.'" Dilbert continues, "She spent the rest of the year trying to explain why the 'X' doesn't move when you drive around."
Dogbert says to a salesperon in a store, "I'd like your biggest map of the world for my room." Dogbert says to the clerk, "I'd like this for free. In return, after I conquer the world I'll make you ambassador to France." The salesclerk says, "Does that require travel? I get air sick." Dogbert replies, "No problem. You'll have diplomatic immunity."
Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk. The Boss hands him a document and says, "Add an executive summary to the approval page." The Boss continues, "Keep it simple. Our executives don't understand as much about technology as I do." Dilbert asks, "How could they know less than you do? You haven't figured out how to make your car go uphill." The Boss replies, "Wrong; I got AAA road service."
Bob tells Alice, "If I don't accept the transfer to a frozen asteroid, I'll be superplugged." Alice says, "Ted, let me show you something on this map." Alice points and asks, "See this tiny island?" Ted answers, "Yes." Alice says, "That's where the people who care live."
Wally asks the Boss: "Should I be trying to discover a shared vision that will foster enrollment rather than compliance?" He continues: "Or should I modify my conceptual map to focus on organizational complexity?" The Boss asks: "Is any of that the same as work?" Wally replies: "It pays the same."
