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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 16, 1998's comic on:

Tags #injury free work, #safety award, #incentive to avoid injuries

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The Boss holds us a plaque and says, "The safety award goes to Ted for his five years of injury-free work." Ted takes the plaque and says, "Thank you for this award. Without awards, there would be no incentive to avoid injuries." Ted turns and smiles nervously at the Boss as the Boss looks angrily at him.

Mandatory Safety Meeting

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Mandatory Safety Meeting - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 24, 2016's comic on:

Tags #safety, #catch-22, #choosing, #unsafe

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Boss: You have to go to a mandatory safety training class right now. Dilbert: Is it safe for me to miss the deadline you gave me for this assignment? Boss: No, you lose either way. Dilbert: Hmm. Maybe I could work all night from home then drive to work exhausted.

Award For Cutting Costs

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Award For Cutting Costs - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 23, 2018's comic on:

Tags #ceo, #award, #cutting, #costs, #department, #underfunded, #losers, #awards, #help

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CEO: I am proud to give you this award for cutting costs more than any other department. Dilbert: All of our projects failed because they are underfunded. CEO: How do you put up with these losers? The Boss: The awards help.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 20, 2012's comic on:

Tags #charity, #bottle caps, #fund, #chemo, #pro children, #snopes.com, #internet hoax, #award mug

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CEO: Thanks to your leadership, we collected twenty thousand bottle caps to help fund chemo for poor children. And thanks to your... whatever... we checked snopes.com and learned that the bottle cap thing was an internet hoax. I only brought one teamwork award mug, so you'll have to take turns drinking from it.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 10, 1990's comic on:

Tags #Dogbert, #tire, #company, #imply, #child's, #safety, #product, #tires, #stinkin', #extended, #Family, #dog, #animal, #animal behavior

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Dogbert sits in the chair watching television. A voice says, "You've heard the 'other' tire company imply that your child's safety depends on its product . . ." The announcer continues, "That's nothing. If you don't buy OUR tires your whole stinkin' extended family will croak!!!" The announcer continues, "And don't get too attached to the family dog, either. Ha ha ha ha ha!!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 05, 2012's comic on:

Tags #coffee & tea, #late, #coffee safety, #whats real, #trip, #coffee in face

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Wally: Don't start. I'm late for the mandatory coffee safety training. I'd better run. Hunh! Boss: I can't tell what's real anymore.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 22, 1994's comic on:

Tags #computer, #academy award winner, #next years award, #best actor, #technology

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"To configure the software, enter the name of next year's academy award winner for best actor." "Please wait."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 19, 1994's comic on:

Tags #quality award, #killed by sea turtle, #went snorkeling

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The Boss, Wally and Dilbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "The company has decided to compete for the 'Millard Bullrush Quality Award.'" Wally asks, "Bullrush? Isn't he the politician who went snorkeling and got killed by a sea turtle?" The Boss replies, "They're faster than they look." Wally says to Dilbert, "I think we can win this."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 20, 1994's comic on:

Tags #total quality method, #bullrush award, #honesty award

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Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss enters and says, "Describe how you used 'total quality' methods on your last project. We're applying for the Millard Bullrush Quality Award." Dilbert says, "You know I didn't use 'total quality.' I'd have to lie." The Boss responds, "Sadly, Millard passed away before he could invent the Millard Bullrush 'Honesty' Award."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 21, 1994's comic on:

Tags #quality award, #dishonest parts, #project lost budget, #assume project failed

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Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the table. Dilbert works on a laptop and says to Dogbert, "I have to submit my project for a 'quality' award. I'll need your help on the dishonest parts." Dilbert continues, "The real story is that the project lost its budget because its acronym was similar to a project that was canceled." Dogbert says, "Assume your project would have failed and claim the savings from avoiding it." Dilbert says, "You're spooky."