Sales Babble Comic Strips
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208 Results for Sales Babble
View 1 - 10 results for sales babble comic strips. Discover the best "Sales Babble" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday May 04,
1997
Tags #first salesperson, #noah, #sell ark, #animals, #yacht, #sales babble, #disguise motives, #pioneered lame joke, #weather, #reach quota, #blaming engineering, #greatest innovation
Transcript
Dogbert and Ratbert sit on the couch. Ratbert asks, "Who was the world's first salesperson, Dogbert?" Dogbert replies, "Some people say it was a guy named Noah." The caption says, "Noah's last name was content." Noah says, "I have a big, curly stick and I don't even know why." The caption says, "His job was to sell an ark cruise to animals." Noah asks an opossum hanging in a tree, "Did I say ark? I meant yacht." The caption says, "He invented soemthing called sales-babble to disquise his motives." Noah says, "We'll partner to leverage our value-adds in a win-win proposition." A beaver looks confused. The caption says, "He pioneered the lame joke." Noah asks a giraffe, "How's the weather up there? Hee hee!" The caption says, "When he couldn't reach quota, he got creative." Noah hands a unicorn horn to a cat and says, "Strap this to your head and don't ask questions." The caption says, "But his greatest innovation he called 'blaming engineering.'" An angry bear tells Noah, "I can't find the honey spa." Noah thinks, "Think fast."
Thursday March 26,
2015
Wally's Hobby Is Economic Babble Talk
Tags #jargon, #babble, #economics, #obliviousness, #economist, #economy, #hiring
Transcript
Wally: My new hobby is explaining economics using babble talk. It sounds totally real. For example, did you know that the bubble in commodities is creating an oversupply of interest rates? Meanwhile... Boss: Our Chief Economist quit. CEO: Promote that bald guy. He sounds smart.
Wednesday September 07,
2016
Weak Sales Reorg
Tags #executives, #money, #golden parachute, #greed, #logic, #sales, #business
Transcript
Boss: Our executive team didn't know what to do about weak sales. SO they reorganized the company and gave themselves new titles and big raises. They still don't know what to do about weak sales, but they report being happier about the situation.
Friday January 08,
2021
Sales To Elbonia
Tags #business, #government policy, #sales, #sale, #elbonia, #government, #ban, #accomplices
Transcript
boss: i'm happy to announce that we just made a huge sale in elbonia. dilbert: are you aware that last week our government banned all sales to elbonia? boss: before you go blabbing that all over the place remember that all of you are accomplices.
Thursday June 03,
2021
Pandemic Sales
Tags #business, #sales, #high, #pandemic, #virus, #deadly, #profit, #conscience, #feelings
Transcript
boss in meeting with dilbert and alice. boss: thanks to the pandemic, our sales are at an all-time high. dilbert: shouldn't we feel guilty for profiting from a deadly virus? boss: i think if we were going to feel that, it would have kicked in by now.
Tuesday January 18,
2011
Tags #losers, #meetings, #sales personnel, #sell to customers, #winners sell, #low quota levels, #ch ching dance
Transcript
Dogbert's Sales Training Seminar Dogbert says, "Losers sell to customers." Dogbert says, "Winners sell the idea of low quota levels to their own bosses." Dogbert says, "Now everyone do the cha-ching dance!" Dogbert's Sales Training Seminar
Thursday November 24,
2011
Tags #commerce, #service business, #unmotivated sales guy, #slides are blank, #compelling reason, #no commission work, #budget issues
Transcript
Unmotivated sales guy Man: My slides are blank because no one told me what our product does. And I don't have a compelling reason to find out because I don't work on commission. If anyone asks why you didn't place an order, would you mind saying you have budget issues?
Saturday December 24,
2011
Tags #business ethics, #retail business, #sales trip, #dont talk, #misleading impression, #engineering support, #after sale, #bag of meat, #lying bag of meat
Transcript
Boss: I need you to come with me on a sales trip, but don't talk to the customer. Your presence is needed to give a misleading impression of how much engineering support we plan to offer after the sale. Dilbert: So I'm nothing but a bag of meat? Boss: No. You're a lying bag of meat.
Saturday May 12,
2012
Tags #retail business, #sales drop, #retail stores, #self checkout, #dumb customers, #most shoplifted
Transcript
Finance Troll: Our sales have dropped to zero in retail stores that have self-checkout. Apparently the people who are dumb enough to want our product are too dumb to know how to use the self-checkout. On a positive note, we have the most shoplifted product of the year. Boss: Yes!
Thursday September 14,
1989
Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #junk mail, #mail, #condo, #sales, #jeep cherokee, #emerald
Transcript
Dilbert reads a piece of mail and says, "Wow! And I thought this was just more junk mail!" Dilbert sits in his chair and says to Dogbert, "All I have to do is drive two hours and listen to their condo sales pitch. I'm GUARANTEED to win a Jeep Cherokee or a valuable mock emerald." Dogbert responds, "That emerald will go pretty well with your mock brain."