Secret Goals Comic Strips
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184 Results for Secret Goals
View 1 - 10 results for secret goals comic strips. Discover the best "Secret Goals" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday February 27,
2014
Tags #cruelty, #frustration, #achieved golas, #secret goals, #set for you, #failed to achieve, #anger, #exact situation
Transcript
Dilbert: I'm happy to report that I achieved every goal you set for me last year. Boss: But you failed to achieve the secret goals I set for you. Dilbert: Why would you have secret goals for me?!! Boss: For this exact situation.
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Monday March 28,
2016
Wally Has Passon For No Goals
Tags #goals, #achievement, #laziness, #work ethic, #catch-22, #guest artist, #donna oatney
Transcript
Wally: You told us we need to set goals and have passion. But what if my passion is to avoid having measurable goals? Boss: You're passionate about being useless? Wally: Hey, back off, dream-killer.
Saturday July 16,
2011
Tags #customer survey data, #marketing, #design, #engineering secret, #business
Transcript
The customer survey data is for marketing eyes only. design the next release and we'll tell you if its what everyone wanted. How long will it take? Dilbert: Thats an engineering secret.
Sunday September 25,
2011
Tags #competition (psychology), #goals for the year, #assignments, #average raise, #invent nuclear fusion, #lack of knowledge
Transcript
Boss: I'm getting writer's block trying to come up with your goals for the year. Dilbert: Just write anything. We both know I'll ignore the goals and work on whatever you assign to me. Boss: How will I know if you do a good job if you don't have goals? Dilbert: Same way as always. You'll compare your lack of knowledge about what I did to the goals you imagine you might have created if you could have seen the future. Then you'll give me an average raise just like everyone else who didn't invent nuclear fusion. Boss: Works for me. Dilbert: It's better to not overthink these things.
Wednesday November 16,
2011
Tags #different, #employees, #goals, #work little, #year ahead, #your goals, #my goals, #business
Transcript
Boss: When I asked for your goals for the coming year, I had something different in mind. Not "work as little as possible while avoiding the wrath of the pointy-haired troll." Wally: Don't call them my goals if you mean your goals.
Saturday December 10,
2011
Tags #despair, #office workers, #self respect, #prison, #goals, #slavery, #self inflicted, #angry, #weak
Transcript
Wally: Self-respect is like a prison for the soul. Goals are a form of self-inflicted slavery. Boss: Sorry I'm late. Wally: That which does not kill us makes us angry and weak.
Friday December 23,
2011
Tags #big business, #cost & standard of living, #green goals, #recycling bins, #company documents, #corporate secuirty, #blue recycling bins, #same policies
Transcript
Boss: To reach our green goals, employees must always use the blue recycling bins for company documents. To satisfy our corporate security guidelines, never put company documents in the blue recycling bins. Dilbert: You read those same policies to us last week. Boss: I don't know how to get rid of them.
Saturday April 21,
2012
Tags #bury, #top secret, #proprietary, #documents, #woods, #shovel, #tied up, #mumble
Transcript
Boss: I need you to bury some top secret proprietary documents in the woods for me. Man: Mmm mmph. Boss: Come back in ten minutes.
Tuesday May 29,
2012
Tags #goals, #nailing them, #unspoken objectives, #goals never mentioned
Transcript
Boss: How are you doing in your unspoken objectives? Dilbert: My what? Boss: I'm referring to the goals I have in my mind that I've never mentioned. How are those going? Dilbert: I'm totally nailing them.
Friday August 11,
1989
Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #perpetual motion club, #hand, #secret, #handshake
Transcript
Dogbert asks Dilbert, "How was your first meeting with the 'Perpetual Motion Club?'" Dilbert replies, "Great! I learned the secret handshake tonight." Dilbert sticks his hand out and says, "You stick your hand out and spin it around like this." Dogbert asks, "Then what?" Dilbert replies, "Then you just keep on doing it forever." Dogbert says, "That explains why you keep it secret."