Secretly Comic Strips
Search Filters
Year
- 2021
- 2020
- 2019
- 2018
- 2017
- 2016
- 2015
- 2014
- 2013
- 2012
- 2011
- 2010
- 2009
- 2008
- 2007
- 2006
- 2005
- 2004
- 2003
- 2002
- 2001
- 2000
- 1999
- 1998
- 1997
- 1996
- 1995
- 1994
- 1993
- 1992
- 1991
- 1990
- 1989
Character
14 Results for Secretly
View 1 - 10 results for secretly comic strips. Discover the best "Secretly" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday April 22,
2002
Tags #training budget slashed, #cancel class, #already paid, #appear smart, #while secretly stupid
Transcript
The Boss says to Dilbert, "The training budget got slashed. You have to cancel your class." Dilbert responds, "We already paid for the class." The Boss replies, "We'll look bad if you go." Dilbert says, "So, our plan is to appear smart while secretly being stupid?" The Boss replies, "You can make anything sound bad."
Saturday November 29,
2003
Tags #antivirus software, #secretly create viruses, #detected by software, #spooky, #underhanded, #sneaky, #criminal
Transcript
The Boss: Our company is going to make antivirus software. What's that tell you? CatBert: It tells me we'll secretly create viruses that can be detected only by our software. Catbert: Am I close? The Boss: You're spooky.
Monday November 24,
2014
Winning The Bid
Tags #bidding, #executives, #lying, #outsourcing, #projects, #winning bid, #good news, #secretly subcontract, #scream, #presentation
Transcript
Dilbert: The good news is that we had the winning bid for the project. The less-good news is that we don't make the product we just sold, nor could we make it for the price we bid. My plan is to put out an RFP to secretly subcontract the work to a bigger liar. CEO: That could work.
Tuesday May 15,
1990
Tags #Dogbert, #ambush, #victim, #fantasized, #marrying, #rich, #guy, #ditching, #career, #yarn, #sticking, #briefcase, #woman
Transcript
Dogbert walks down the sidewalk holding a microphone. Dogbert thinks, "Dogbert the Ambush Reporter looks for another victim." Dogbert approaches a woman carrying a briefcase and asks, "Is it true you have often fantasized about marrying a rich guy and ditching your career?" The woman covers her face with her hands and cries, "Yes!!! Yes!!! And I . . . I . . . Secretly learned to COOK!!" Dogbert asks, "Is that YARN sticking out of your briefcase?!!"
Saturday January 18,
1992
Tags #Dogbert, #prisoner, #built, #ladder, #dental, #floss, #rich, #clever
Transcript
A prisoner whispers to another prisoner, "Pssst . . . I'm planning an escape." The man continues, "I've secretly built a ladder out of dental floss." The other man replies, "Ha! And they say the rich aren't clever."
Monday June 06,
1994
Tags #choke on donut, #psychic powers, #bob in office
Transcript
Dilbert: Is Bob in his office? Carol: Since Bob's office is all of twenty feet away, I'll have to use my psychic powers to determine the answer. Dilbert: I could go look. Carol: Bob hates you, He secretly wishes you'd choke on a donut.
Monday March 20,
1995
Tags #human resources, #down sizing, #acts like a freind, #misery of people, #bat your head, #business
Transcript
Dogbert stands on a desk and tells the Boss, "I hired a new director of Human Resources to handle the downsizing." Dogbert continues, "I needed somebody who acts like a friend but secretly delights in the misery of all people." Catbert stands on a monitor and says to an employee, "We need to talk, Paul. But first I'm going to bat your head around and scratch you." Paul responds, "Hee hee!! That's so cute!"
Thursday June 19,
2003
Tags #switch to decaf, #secretly, #office, #employees sleeping, #sleep on job
Transcript
Carol is sitting on a doctor's examination table. The doctor says, "Switch to decaf for a while. That should help." Back at the office, Alice holds bag of coffee in her hands and thinks, "I'll replace all the office coffee with decaf for my convenience." In the hallway, The Boss, Alice, and Dilbert are all asleep on the floor. Wally is slumped down; he thinks, "Must...find... antidote."
Friday August 01,
2003
Tags #nemesis, #pointy haired, #software division, #report to boss, #no difference, #harware, #software, #engineering
Transcript
"This is my nemesis, pointy-haired Carl. He manages our software division." "Write up some reasons why he should report to me. I'll secretly give it to our Vice President." "Start by saying there's no real difference between hardware and software." "I'm unclean!"
Saturday August 02,
2003
Tags #pointy haired, #takeover, #should report, #secret got out, #extra money
Transcript
"Our goal is nothing less than a complete takeover of pointy-haired Carl's software division." "We'll start secretly doing their jobs in addition to our own. Then I'll argue that they should report to me." "Hypothetically, if the secret got out, would we stop working twice as hard for no extra money?"