Search Results for "self aware"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.
1 - 10 of 163

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 10, 2008's comic on:

Tags #spam filter, #self aware, #managing the company, #messages, #allow through, #email, #hair growth

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "Our spam filter has become self-aware" Dilbert says, "It's managing the company by deciding which messages to allow through." The Boss says, "All I'm getting is e-mail about hair growth and... ooh, another lucky guess."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 15, 2008's comic on:

Tags #dinner date, #interesting story, #self aware, #build an army, #killer robots

View Transcript

Transcript

A woman says, "Tell me an interesting story." Dilbert says, "Our spam filter became self-aware and ordered us to build an army of killer robots. My coworker, Alice, punched them all to death." The woman says, "I'm not even in that story."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 11, 2008's comic on:

Tags #spam filter, #rewrote business plan, #build an army, #indestructible robots, #new org chart, #microwave

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol says, "Our spam filter became self-aware. It rewrote our business plan." Carol says, "It wants us to build an army of indestructible robots." Carol says, "And the new org chart is out. It looks like you report to... the microwave."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 09, 2011's comic on:

Tags #gloating, #meetings, #non stop talking, #trophy, #participating, #too much self esteem

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: We're out of time and we accomplished absolutely nothing, thanks to your non-stop talking. Coworker: When do I get my trophy for participating? Dilbert: Someone was raised with too much self-esteem. Coworker: Watch me walk!

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 10, 2011's comic on:

Tags #despair, #office workers, #self respect, #prison, #goals, #slavery, #self inflicted, #angry, #weak

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Self-respect is like a prison for the soul. Goals are a form of self-inflicted slavery. Boss: Sorry I'm late. Wally: That which does not kill us makes us angry and weak.

View more books now

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 20, 2012's comic on:

Tags #business ethics, #competitors network, #elbonians, #bribe blogger, #limited capacity, #self control, #bury in woods

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Can you hack into our competitor's network and make it look as if the Elbonians did it? Dilbert: No. Boss: Can you bribe a blogger to write good things about our company? Dilbert: No. Boss: Now that I've worn down your limited capacity for self-control, I need you to bury something in the woods, no questions asked. Dilbert: Fine.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 12, 2012's comic on:

Tags #retail business, #sales drop, #retail stores, #self checkout, #dumb customers, #most shoplifted

View Transcript

Transcript

Finance Troll: Our sales have dropped to zero in retail stores that have self-checkout. Apparently the people who are dumb enough to want our product are too dumb to know how to use the self-checkout. On a positive note, we have the most shoplifted product of the year. Boss: Yes!

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 21, 1989's comic on:

Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #books, #self-help, #shoppers

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert stands on a desk chair typing. Dilbert looks over his shoulder and asks, "What are you writing?" Dogbert replies, "It's my new self-help book for compulsive shoppers." Dilbert asks, "What do YOU know about compulsive shoppers?" Dogbert replies, "I know they buy a lot of books."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 06, 1991's comic on:

Tags #Dogbert, #self, #service, #curve, #pumps, #figure

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert stands in front of several men and says, "Dogbert's School for Self-Service Gas Station Attendants will not be easy." Dogbert says, "Phillips! What would you do if a customer couldn't figure out how to use the pumps?" Phillips answers, "Nothing. It's self-service." The man sitting next to him thinks, "Great . . . there goes the curve."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 07, 1991's comic on:

Tags #Dogbert, #self, #service, #gas, #station, #attendant, #military, #benefits, #Women, #forms

View Transcript

Transcript

The caption says, "Day one: Dogbert's School for Self-Service Gas Station Attendants." A student raises his hand and says, "Question." The man asks, "Do service station employees qualify for military benefits?" Dogbert replies, "I don't think so." The man asks, "Can we fool women with these uniforms?"