Self Inflicted Comic Strips
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Wally: Self-respect is like a prison for the soul. Goals are a form of self-inflicted slavery. Boss: Sorry I'm late. Wally: That which does not kill us makes us angry and weak.
Dilbert is sitting on the couch at home. Dogbert hands him a pamphlet and says, "Would you like to buy some life insurance?" Dilbert reads the pamphlet, "Exclusions: Self-inflicted wounds, pre-existing illness, criminal acts, war, dangerous sports, smoking..." Headline: Much later that day. Dilbert is still reading, "...And pistol duels resulting from quilting bees." Dogbert replies, "No one reads it, freak!"
Tina is sitting at her computer. Dilbert approaches and asks, "Tina, would you...?" Tina interrupts him, "Hold on while I finish writing this e-mail." Tina says, "It's a twelve-page description of my carpal tunnel issue, and the fact that there's never enough time to do my work." Dilbert asks, "Are all of your problems self-inflicted?" Tina responds, "That's it! I'm adding a chapter about you. Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch!"
dilbert: i work every day, and yet i am not feeling completely self-actualized. boss: what's that mean? dilbert: i don't know. it's something i heard. boss: why are we even talking about it? dilbert: because the more i talk, the less i have to listen to you.
Dilbert: We're out of time and we accomplished absolutely nothing, thanks to your non-stop talking. Coworker: When do I get my trophy for participating? Dilbert: Someone was raised with too much self-esteem. Coworker: Watch me walk!
Boss: Can you hack into our competitor's network and make it look as if the Elbonians did it? Dilbert: No. Boss: Can you bribe a blogger to write good things about our company? Dilbert: No. Boss: Now that I've worn down your limited capacity for self-control, I need you to bury something in the woods, no questions asked. Dilbert: Fine.
Finance Troll: Our sales have dropped to zero in retail stores that have self-checkout. Apparently the people who are dumb enough to want our product are too dumb to know how to use the self-checkout. On a positive note, we have the most shoplifted product of the year. Boss: Yes!