Self Defense Comic Strips
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198 Results for Self Defense
View 1 - 10 results for self-defense comic strips. Discover the best "Self Defense" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday March 07,
2019
Dogbert's Self Defense School
Tags #employees, #enemies, #murder, #office workers, #training, #manipulation, #defense
Transcript
Dogbert: Welcome to Dogbert's school of unconventional self-defense. I'm handing out a list of my personal enemies. Your homework is to kill them before sunrise. Voice: That isn't self-defense. Dogbert: Wow. All you can think about is you, you, you.
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Friday June 28,
1991
Tags #Dilbert, #cop, #under, #arrest, #killing, #senior, #executive, #ear, #corn, #self-defense
Transcript
Dilbert opens the door. A police officer points a gun at him and says, "You're under arrest for killing a senior executive of your company with an ear of corn." As the officer frisks him, beads of sweat fly off Dilbert's head and he cries, "It . . . It was self-defense! HE started the food fight! I had just seasoned my corn . . . It was in my hand . . . It was just a reflex!!" The officer says, "The charge is 'a salt and buttering with intent to kill.'"
Friday October 02,
2015
Tags #martial arts, #self defense, #robber, #mugging, #mugger, #yoga, #dance, #fight, #beaten, #fists, #hit
Transcript
Thief: Hey! Give me your wallet. Boss: I must warn you that I am skilled in the arts of yoga, feng shui, and Irish dancing. Dilbert: But it wasn't enough? Boss: He did a fist thing.
Friday September 27,
2013
Tags #bad treatment, #dating, #honesty, #low self esteem, #mental health, #mixed signals, #therapist, #relationships, #psychology
Transcript
Woman: My therapist says I have low self-esteem. Dilbert: I like where this is heading. Woman: I'm drawn to guys who treat me poorly. Dilbert: You sound crazy. Woman: Jerk. Dilbert: In my defense, you send mixed signals.
Saturday October 26,
2019
Self Reliant
Tags #managers & supervisors, #business, #project, #teamwork, #help, #teach, #self-reliant
Transcript
boss to wally: ted says you wouldn't help him on his project. wally: i was teaching him how to be self-reliant. that's important too, isn't it? not such an easy question, is it?
Thursday January 30,
2020
Low Self Esteem
Tags #office workers, #sarcasm, #business, #self esteem
Transcript
tina: i have low self-esteem, but the other day i was thinking... what if i'm actually great and i just don't know it? dilbert looking at phone: you're not.
Saturday February 22,
2020
Self Actualization
Tags #employees, #managers & supervisors, #business, #work, #talk, #listen, #self-actualized
Transcript
dilbert: i work every day, and yet i am not feeling completely self-actualized. boss: what's that mean? dilbert: i don't know. it's something i heard. boss: why are we even talking about it? dilbert: because the more i talk, the less i have to listen to you.
Tuesday August 09,
2011
Tags #gloating, #meetings, #non stop talking, #trophy, #participating, #too much self esteem
Transcript
Dilbert: We're out of time and we accomplished absolutely nothing, thanks to your non-stop talking. Coworker: When do I get my trophy for participating? Dilbert: Someone was raised with too much self-esteem. Coworker: Watch me walk!
Saturday December 10,
2011
Tags #despair, #office workers, #self respect, #prison, #goals, #slavery, #self inflicted, #angry, #weak
Transcript
Wally: Self-respect is like a prison for the soul. Goals are a form of self-inflicted slavery. Boss: Sorry I'm late. Wally: That which does not kill us makes us angry and weak.
Tuesday January 03,
2012
Tags #computers & peripherals, #electronic mail, #reschedule, #installation, #defense, #miscommunication, #email, #denial
Transcript
Boss: I told you to reschedule the installation date. Dilbert: That conversation never happened. Maybe you planned to say it and then the thought morphed into a false memory. Boss: I'm sure I emailed you. Dilbert: You might want to pick a defense that's less checkable.