Selfish Attempt Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

40 Results for Selfish Attempt

View 1 - 10 results for selfish attempt comic strips. Discover the best "Selfish Attempt" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #great vacation, #beautiful sunsets, #amazing food, #descriptions, #serve no purpose, #selfish attempt, #trigger memories

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is sitting in his cubicle. A coworker approaches and says, "My vacation was great!" The coworker continues, "The sunsets were beautiful. The food was amazing." Dilbert turns and says, "Descriptions of your vacation serve no purpose." Dilbert continues, "I can neither see the sunsets nor taste the food." Dilbert continues, "It appears to be a selfish attempt to trigger happy memories for yourself at my expense.' The coworker responds, "Okay, buster! When my seven rolls of film get developed.." She exclaims, "You're out of the loop!!!" The coworker leaves and Dilbert whistles and thinks to himself, "That worked out better than I hoped."

Dilbert Characters

Selfish Team Player

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Selfish Team Player - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hypocrisy, #team, #semantics, #flaw, #personality disorder, #success, #selfish, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: If being selfish is necessary for success, how can I claim to be a team player? Wally: I like to use a tool called hypocrisy. Asok: That is actually a character flaw. Wally: Oh. No wonder people are so prickly about it.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #civil liberties, #internet & world wide web, #internet law, #bad for business, #press relase, #impinge, #freedom of speech, #selfish liars

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our company opposes passage of the new internet law because it would be bad for our business. But that sounds selfish, so we'll issue a press release saying the new law would impinge freedom of speech. Alice: So... we're selfish liars? Boss: You can't get more free than that!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #research, #exempt, #human, #laws, #crime, #owner, #held, #fully, #responsible, #selfish

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands in the kitchen making a sandwich. Dogbert says, "According to my research, dogs are exempt from human laws." Dogbert continues, "The great part is that I can commit any crime and my owner will be held fully responsible." Dogbert continues, "I'm hoping you won't take a selfish view about this."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #hardware, #store, #invisible force, #therapy, #psychiatrist, #selfish, #feelings, #talking

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert lies on a couch and explains to a therapist, ". . . Whenever I'm near a hardware store I feel an invisible force drawing me inside . . ." The psychologist says, "You've been talking about yourself since you got here. We never talk about ME and MY feelings. I hurt too, you know." Dilbert says, "I'm paying $75 an hour . . ." The psychiatrist says, "Good Lord, and you think that makes it okay to be selfish??"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #electronic, #world, #poll, #collective, #economic, #majority, #selfish, #ambitions, #democratic, #system

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert stands on a desk chair working on the computer. Dilbert says, "Now that you've united the electronic mail users of the world, what are you going to do?" Dogbert replies, "I'll poll them about their needs, then use their collective political and economic power to get them whatever the majority wants." Dilbert asks, "Couldn't you easily rig the vote to support your own selfish ambitions?" Dogbert says, "I love the democratic system."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #had a cat once, #two hours, #beef of cat, #selfish

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice, Wally and Dilbert sit at the lunch table. Wally says, "I had a cat once . . ." Wally continues, "I petted that thing for two hours but I didn't feel any better." Dilbert says, "Petting is for the benefit of the cat, not your hand." Wally says, "They're so selfish."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dogcart consulting, #add credibility, #selfish, #idiotic opinions, #current budget, #tingle, #i feel, #credibility

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert stands on a chair across from the Boss's desk. Dogbert wears a sorcerer's hat. He says, "The Dogbert Consulting Company will add credibility to your own selfish and idiotic opinions." Dogbert continues, "For example, your current budget should be . . . Um . . ." The Boss says, "Doubled." Dogbert says, "Doubled. It should be doubled." The Boss says, "Hey, what's that tingle I feel all over my body?!!" Dogbert replies, "Credibility. If you want another hit, it'll cost you."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #walk, #nature, #wonderful, #planet, #children, #strangers, #borrow, #collateral, #smoking, #shell, #overlooked, #Environment, #situation, #want, #selfish

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert and Dilbert walk through the park. Dilbert says, "Nature is so wonderful . . ." Dilbert continues, "They say we don't leave the planet to future generations, we borrow it from our children." Dogbert says, "It's even better than that." Dogbert continues, "WE don't have children, so we're borrowing the planet from complete strangers!" Dogbert continues, "And there's no collateral. We can use up the planet, have great lives and leave an empty smoking shell to the strangers!" Dogbert continues, "I tell you, people have completely overlooked the positive side of this environment situation." Dilbert says, "But someday I WANT to have children." Dogbert replies, "Let's hope they're not as selfish as you."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Catbert, #evil hr director, #balance, #life and work, #worked 80 hrs week, #selfish hag

View Transcript

Transcript

Caption: "Catbert: Evil H.R. Director" Catbert says, "Alice, the experts say you need to balance work and home life." Catbert says, "You worked 80 hours last week. That's less than half of the hours in a week." Catbert says, "Give us some balance, you selfish hag." Alice replies, "This conversation took a nasty turn."