Selfish Dogbert Comic Strips
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1000 Results for Selfish Dogbert
View 1 - 10 results for selfish dogbert comic strips. Discover the best "Selfish Dogbert" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday February 15,
1994
Tags #trying to please, #fool, #better please, #crush you, #selfish dogbert, #justa thought, #others, #threatened
Transcript
Dilbert: "I can't live my life trying to please others." Dogbert: "I think I can speak for all others when I say, 'Fool! You'd better please us or we'll crush you!'" Dilbert: "It was just a thought." Dogbert: "We 'others' don't like to be threatened."
Thursday November 28,
2019
Humans Getting Wiser
Tags #business, #psychology, #humans, #dumb, #selfish, #wise, #interact, #people
Transcript
dilbert: the more i interact with people, the less i like them. i can't tell if i'm getting wiser or humans are becoming dumber and more selfish. dogbert: humans couldn't get any dumber or more selfish. dilbert: so, you're saying i'm getting wiser?
Thursday February 01,
1990
Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #research, #exempt, #human, #laws, #crime, #owner, #held, #fully, #responsible, #selfish
Transcript
Dilbert stands in the kitchen making a sandwich. Dogbert says, "According to my research, dogs are exempt from human laws." Dogbert continues, "The great part is that I can commit any crime and my owner will be held fully responsible." Dogbert continues, "I'm hoping you won't take a selfish view about this."
Wednesday June 09,
1993
Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #electronic, #world, #poll, #collective, #economic, #majority, #selfish, #ambitions, #democratic, #system
Transcript
Dogbert stands on a desk chair working on the computer. Dilbert says, "Now that you've united the electronic mail users of the world, what are you going to do?" Dogbert replies, "I'll poll them about their needs, then use their collective political and economic power to get them whatever the majority wants." Dilbert asks, "Couldn't you easily rig the vote to support your own selfish ambitions?" Dogbert says, "I love the democratic system."
Sunday August 02,
1992
Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #walk, #nature, #wonderful, #planet, #children, #strangers, #borrow, #collateral, #smoking, #shell, #overlooked, #Environment, #situation, #want, #selfish
Transcript
Dogbert and Dilbert walk through the park. Dilbert says, "Nature is so wonderful . . ." Dilbert continues, "They say we don't leave the planet to future generations, we borrow it from our children." Dogbert says, "It's even better than that." Dogbert continues, "WE don't have children, so we're borrowing the planet from complete strangers!" Dogbert continues, "And there's no collateral. We can use up the planet, have great lives and leave an empty smoking shell to the strangers!" Dogbert continues, "I tell you, people have completely overlooked the positive side of this environment situation." Dilbert says, "But someday I WANT to have children." Dogbert replies, "Let's hope they're not as selfish as you."
Tuesday March 30,
2004
Tags #doctor dogbert show, #immoral moron, #lazy, #miracle worker, #passing judgement, #selfish, #time waster
Transcript
Doctor Dogbert Show "Your problem is that you're a lazy, selfish, immoral moron." "Shouldn't you listen to my story before passing judgement?" "I'm adding 'time waster' to the list." "You're like a miracle worker."
Monday March 30,
1992
Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #washington, #economic, #advisor, #recommend, #tax, #rebate, #potato
Transcript
Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert stands on the hassock. Dogbert says, "I'm going to Washington to be an economic advisor." Dogbert continues, "I'll recommend a tax rebate for all dogs. It's the only fair way to stimulate the economy." Dilbert says, "Sounds like a selfish ploy to line your pockets at the expense of others." Dogbert replies, "Potato, po-TAH-to . . ."
Monday November 04,
1996
Tags #dogcart consulting, #add credibility, #selfish, #idiotic opinions, #current budget, #tingle, #i feel, #credibility
Transcript
Dogbert stands on a chair across from the Boss's desk. Dogbert wears a sorcerer's hat. He says, "The Dogbert Consulting Company will add credibility to your own selfish and idiotic opinions." Dogbert continues, "For example, your current budget should be . . . Um . . ." The Boss says, "Doubled." Dogbert says, "Doubled. It should be doubled." The Boss says, "Hey, what's that tingle I feel all over my body?!!" Dogbert replies, "Credibility. If you want another hit, it'll cost you."
Friday October 05,
2001
Tags #selfish, #dimwitted, #six sigma consulatant, #bog down meetings, #process, #can't hurt anything
Transcript
Headline: Six Sigma Consultant. Dogbert is standing in front of a room. He says, "All of you are selfish and dimwitted but don't worry." Dogbert continues, "I'll teach you a process that will bog you down in meetings so you can't hurt anything." Asok panics and exclaims, "I can't move my arms!" The rest of the class is asleep.
Friday April 05,
2002
Tags #dogbert tech support., #personal computer, #defective, #attractive package
Transcript
Dogbert Tech Support. Dogbert says into his telephone headset, "It works fine on my machine." On the other end of the line, the customer says, "Yes, but this call is about MY PC. May we talk about MY problem now?" Dogbert replies, "Okay, your PC is defective and you're selfish. That's an attractive package you've got going there."