Sell Hope Comic Strips
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SALE "I'll take that chair." "Excellent choice." "Now sit there quietly and try not to ask the one question that will kill this sale." "Is the chair in stock?" "GAAA!!!" "The truth is that we don't sell chairs at all. We sell the hope that a chair will someday be made for you." "How long will that take?" "If I could answer that question, it would be the same as selling you an actual chair." "How about if I tell you it will ship in two months, and you call and yell at me every three months for eternity?" "Did you buy a chair?" "There's no way to know."
Dilbert sits at his computer, hand on the mouse. Dogbert stands on the desk and says, "I'm going to make an infomercial." Dogbert starts wagging his tail and says, "I'm targeting the people who want to invest their savings, but don't know how." Dilbert says, "I hope you plan to sell educational information about how to avoid scams." Dogbert says, "Good idea for phase two!"
The Boss: "Our new strategy is to sell fewer units at higher margins." Dilbert: "Question: How's that different from saying our sales stink, so we're cutting costs?" The Boss: "I call it a strategy so you won't lose hope." Dilbert: "It's working great."
boss: i just learned it's illegal to sell armed drones to private citizens. how many orders did we get since we started selling them this morning? dilbert: seventy million. boss: i'll look into bribing someone to change the law.
Dogbert's Sales Training Seminar Dogbert says, "Losers sell to customers." Dogbert says, "Winners sell the idea of low quota levels to their own bosses." Dogbert says, "Now everyone do the cha-ching dance!" Dogbert's Sales Training Seminar
Dilbert: I spent four months creating this app, mom. I think I can sell a million of them for $3.99. Mom: I saw seven apps just like this in the app store and five of them were free. Dilbert: Thanks for the feedback, dream-killer. Mom: Have you ever thought of just using your first name, like Madonna?
Dogbert's retirement planning service Dogbert: Your only hope for survival is if a nearsighted billionaire offers to hunt you on his private island. Customer: Does that job pay well? Dogbert: It's more of a foraging situation. Customer: Must... adjust... expectations... down.
Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on Dilbert's legs. Dogbert asks, "Do you realize that if we stay together for seven years, we are considered married by common law?" Dogbert continues, "That means I own half of all your worldly possessions." Dogbert continues, "I plan to sell my half . . . Maybe buy some tasteful things instead."
The garbage man says to Dogbert, "Sure, Dogbert, I'll be your election campaign strategist." The garbage man sits at a table with Dogbert and Ratbert. The garbage man says, "You can win if you promise to sell our national parks to foreigners and share the profits." Dogbert replies, "I couldn't do that." The garbage man asks, "You couldn't sell the parks?" Dogbert replies, "I couldn't share the profits."
Dilbert sits in his chair reading the newspaper. Dogbert enters and says, "I'm testing my theory that good advertising can sell anything." Dogbert continues, "So I asked myself 'What is the thing LEAST desired on earth?'" A woman looks at a billboard with Dilbert's picture on it. The billboard says, "Ladies! Date a Dilbert call 510-803-9338. Quantities are limited." The woman says, "Hmm . . ."