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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 04, 1998's comic on:


Tags #face time, #promotion paper work, #send photos, #vp

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Dogbert and Dilbert sit outside. Dogbert says, "If you want to get promoted, you need lots of "face time" with your V.P." Dogbert says, "I recommend sending photos of yourself every week." A male boss sits at his desk holding photographs. The boss says, "More photos... he must be a relative." The secretary says, "I'll start the promotion paperwork."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 02, 1998's comic on:


Tags #severe shyness, #nude photos, #internet, #previous clients, #motley crue, #Dogbert, #technology

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Dilbert is in bed under blanket and says to Dogbert, "I've been having severe shyness attacks at work." Dogbert, who is sitting on Dilbert's legs says, "I can help." Dogbert says, "I'll send nude photos of you to everyone on the internet." Dilbert is in bed covering his upper body and asks Dogbert, "Will that work?" Dogbert, who is situated on Dilbert's leg replies, "All of my previous clients are dating 'Motley Crue' band members."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 06, 2011's comic on:


Tags #honesty, #managers & supervisors, #proactive, #send email, #bad time management, #creating illuson, #sarcasm, #crazy boss, #business

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The Boss says, "You need to be more proactive." Dilbert says, "I can only appear to be proactive if you stop telling me to do things I've already planned." The Boss says, "How am I supposed to know what you plan to do every minute?" Dilbert says, "I could send you an e-mail every time I have a thought." The Boss says, "I don't have time for that!" Dilbert says, "Apparently your bad time management is creating the illusion that I'm not proactive." Dilbert says, "I'll take the liberty of signing you up for a time management class." The Boss says, "Don't do that!" Dilbert says, "So...I should not be proactive?" The Boss says, "Just do what I want before I know I want it." Dilbert says, "I hope the next thing you want is sarcasm."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 15, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #vacation, #major, #clyde, #hole, #beautiful, #canyon, #ridge, #bother, #photos, #developed, #holes, #ground

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The caption says, "After one week of camping." Dogbert sits on the edge of a hole in the ground and says, "This vacation to Clyde Canyon has been a major rip-off." Dilbert, who is wearing a backpack and looks unshaven, says, "I'm glad it's over." A hiker walks to the edge of the hole and says, "Why are you two in that hole when beautiful Clyde Canyon is just over the ridge?" Dogbert says, "Maybe we shouldn't bother getting our photos developed."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 15, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #television, #show, #healing, #dollars, #send, #money, #trick, #hair

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Dilbert asks Dogbert, "What did you do to your hair?" Dogbert's hair is styled in a pompadour. Dogbert replies, "It's for my new television show, 'Healing for Dollars.' People send more money if you have this kind of hair." A man and a woman sit on a couch watching Dogbert's tv show. The woman says, "It might be a trick." The man replies, "That's what I thought until I saw his hair." Dogbert says, "Checks or money order."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 21, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #invented, #send, #vast, #amounts, #fiber, #optic, #cables, #application, #bells, #theorem, #showed, #molecule, #electron, #originally, #joined, #industry, #give, #bed

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Dilbert sits at the desk and Dogbert sits next to him. Dilbert says, "There . . . I think I've invented a way to send vast amounts of data without fiber optic cables." Dilbert continues, "It's a simple application of J. S. Bell's theorem. He showed that if you break up a molecule and change the spin of one electron, the spin of the other electrons originally joined will immediately change too, no matter where they are." Dilbert asks, "What do you think the fiber optic industry will give me for this." Dogbert replies, "A horse's head in your bed."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 06, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #photographers, #embarassing, #pictures, #celebrities, #photos, #situation, #crawford, #reupulsed

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Dilbert sits in his chair reading "I Spy" and Dogbert sits on the hassock reading a book. Dilbert says, "I don't understand why photographers try so hard to get embarrassing pictures of celebrities." Dilbert continues, "Heck, I could just scan the celebrity photos into my computer and create any embarrassing situation you can think of." Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the computer. Dogbert says, "I think Cindy Crawford should look more repulsed." Dilbert replies, "This is before we kiss."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 29, 1995's comic on:


Tags #new software, #installed, #send registartion, #modem, #credit card, #Number, #new products, #virus, #excellent marketing

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Dilbert sits at his computer. A message on the screen says, "Your new software is successfully installed. Do you want to send your registration info by modem?" Dilbert says, "Yes." A message says, "The software has found your credit card number and is placing orders for new products it thinks you need . . . Please wait." Dilbert says, "Uh." The message says, "Making room on your hard drive . . ." Dilbert says as he loads a rifle, "I can't tell if it's a virus or just excellent marketing." Dogbert holds the box of ammunition and adds, "Either way . . "

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 14, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #dollars, #inventing, #secret, #better, #classify, #send, #space, #stuff, #kill, #smoking, #drugs, #open-minded

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The strip is titled, "Dogbert's guide to your tax dollars." A vacuum cleaner sucks up dollar bills. Dogbert says, "Did you ever wonder how all that tax money gets spent? Roll the tape." The caption says, "Inventing secret things." Two scientists look at a device. One of them says, "It doesn't look like much, but it'll smart like crazy if you sit on it." The caption says, "Sending secret things into space." The other scientist says, "Maybe we'd better classify it secret and send it into space with the other stuff." The caption says, "Education." A teacher says, "Sex will kill you, food will kill you, smoking will kill you, alcohol will kill you, drugs will kill you . . ." The children sitting at their school desks look frightened. The caption says, "Art grants for things you aren't open-minded enough to appreciate." Dilbert looks at a shoe sitting on a pedestal. The artist says, "I call it 'The Bug I Hated.'" The caption says, "Advanced health care." Two doctors stand next to a bed where a skeleton lies. One physician says, "You were right, Benson. X-rays and microwaves are not the same thing." The caption says, "Paying Congress." A senator says, "Our raises came through!" Another says, "I think I'll send myself a thank-you note!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 05, 1996's comic on:


Tags #hunk, #burning love, #cubicle, #working, #sending steamy email, #send to all, #thank you

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Tina types, "Tom, you delicious hunk of burning love: if you were in my cubicle now I'd . . ." Tina thinks, "It looks as if I'm working. Nobody can tell that I'm sending steamy e-mail to my new boyfriend." Dilbert says to Tina, "Tina, two things: watch out for the 'send to all' address, and thank you very much." Dilbert's tie and his hair stand up straight.